Can't wait for tommorow~

Whee~ I can't wait to go to Cambodia tommorow~

I'm gonna have a huge shopping spree to update my style according to the latest and have a slumber party with my cousins every night..oh, I'm sorry. I haven't updated my blog for ages.So pretty much happened between that time gap which I will summarize below.

-I did quite well in my exams, got nominated for best student in Literature in english, and a distinction in the New South Wales University International english Proficiency test. ( Only 2 in my school got distinction~ I was one of em'. a percentile of 94% :)) Like I said earlier, my mom already bought the tickets so my hard earned sucess is rewarded with more lecturing and simple praises ( which are rare in my house) such as "Good job, keep up the good work" Fuck.Bullshit. I think she only remembered to praise me after pointing out to her in a confrontation that all I hear from her are insults, lectures, sarcastic remarks, more lectures and things I already know.I asked for a change. Well, better something than nothing. I gotta learn to be more gracious. :P

-My house was buglered and all my savings ( RM10,000.Passports also taken. So we had to go to the immigration office to apply for an emergency passport. It was actually my fault because I forgotten to switch on the parameter lights. Alarm was switched on, but the fuckers didn't even trigger that fuckin' thing. And to imagine, I was supposed to stay alone that night in the house.brrr

-The one has finally appeared~And no, this is not one of the sick boys I had a crush on. This one is quite the good/mama's boy. And this one made the first move! How much more can I ask for? More than I expect. He even told me he fell for me the first time he met me, told his mom about me..blablabla~I even tried to scare him away by telling him that once I'm in a relationship, I tend to get possesive, jealous and Obsessive. He says he doesn't mind. So we're in a relationship now. I think I falling for him.Yup, I'm happy. But my parents are not in the know. So I hope if they find out, they will be ready to accept this and be a lil' more open-minded. After all, they don't know how much their daughter misses being pampered, cared for, paid attention and loved. I enjoy the feelling. Makes me so happy.Not mushy.Yuck, Michelle the freak will never get mushy and lovey-dovey...

My Bad Day

I just thought ofit as a nice way to relax after the great 14 days of exams and misery; to go the mall to do stuff. It happens to fall on my tuition day. I didn't want to skip it, but I didn't think that I would be able to be in time for tuition if I took the train back early anyway. So I got screwed. When I walked to tuition, my mom was there already. She sped of when I started walking towards the car.when I chased the fucking car, did she stop? Nooo..Maybe she did it on purpose. So I called home. She screamed and didn't want to talk to me saying to go for confession and stuff like that. Damn. So I took the bus home and faced the music; while giving them the most difficult promise; not to skip tuition anymore. This wasn't the first time. (second) The first time I skipped I got reported to by a very annoying pest of a boy from class. I learned two things:

1.That I am not good at playing hookey or giving a reasonable excuse to cover it up...
2. I didn't get what I wanted to buy; Black nailpolish..c'mon, the whole damn Megamall didn't have one stinking Black nailpolish??? I need to replenish my stock of gothic products..

If that wasn't bad enough, I got Half of my Biology and History paper today and man it sucked. I don't want to know what I got, really. I must have done badly because the History teacher even embraced me and gave me hope, saying that there is a chance to improve my Subjective writing skills.Man, I must have sucked because usually, that teacher is not that compassionate.All I'm hoping for is not to fail anything and to get all the As I planned to get in my stronger subjects.And that my mom cooled down by the time I reveal to her my exam results...

Freedom!!!!

Well..That's until I get my results back. I think I did exceptionally well. In Michelle's term, exceptionally means no failures, some 1As here and there..And maybe some 3Bs and the rest are Ds and Cs.. But I have more confidence now..Except in add maths..And to think I was boasting about my Add maths skills in class before.

If I get Good marks for the report card, I'll be able to follow my family to Cambodia to visit my cousins..But to tell you the truth, my parents already bought the economy class tickets.Everytime they talk about it, I just act plain dumb and blur. Or maybe they already forgot about the deal. No worries. I get the good out of it. ;)

Shit, shit and more shit!!!! ( nothing to do with human waste!)

Bullshit. i'm having my exams now and I'm still using the net..I guess it's just a way to cheer me up after the disastrous Add maths paper..I thought i wouldn't have much problems...guess lady luck is looking away today. So i guess i'll have my privilages taken away and I'll have to fork out cash to use the net for the rest of my school days. TV would be a luxury then...and I won't be able to visit my cousins in Cambodia..:(
It's not that bad actually..i might have a chance to pass if I do well in the First paper tommorow. Science subjects suck as usual...I'm betting on Ds and Cs if I'm lucky. But I don't want to fail...guess I'll have to study harder..my exam is until the next Friday..Mannn~ this is gonna be crazy..i'm only studying on the day itself...

Once again.. in deep shit~

Yeah, the finals are coming and as usual..(Michelle will never dissapoint you all) I'm not ready for it! Ha haha.. I take one look at the Form 3 and Form 5 preparing for their PMR and SPM and I'm already feeling sick. It's not that I can't study, I can~ I can do anything and finish it once I start on it. Problem is, I don't want to start on this one. I hate studying. It's the last thing on my list.

But one thing is for sure that I'm much better prepared now..My add maths is in top shape and so are my science subs..but I'm worried bout the outcomes, y'know? Teachers already confessed that the exam is going to HARD..but they had also leaked out the questions that are coming out at the same time..hee hee hee

So wish me luck on this and let's see if I can weasel herself outta this. Once I finish the exams and get my full-attendence certificate, I'm gonna play hookey and enjoymyself to the max!!!! hahahaha~ But that also means that I'll be using the net at a less frequent rate now since my exams are for two weeks long.So bear with me.. Don't worry, I will find a way out of this mess..hehehe.

I admit it.. I am under depression.

I miss happiness. It's been a while since I got to feel. Yeah, sure.. you might see me laughing my head off at a very lame joke or smiling at you, not expecting you to smile back..but inside I'm tearing up my heart again and again. Helen idea's is right; if I weren't a Christian, I would have killed myself looong time ago. Then I'll kill myself again and again in hell..brrr...

My friend says it's change and you'll have to learn to go through it slowly and steadily.But for how long? I don't mind change but this is a little too much for me to handle. Already I got school exams and rivalry but this??? I really can't take it no more. I'm beginning to doubt my friends..are they really true friends..or fiends... I don't know how to differ between good and bad anymore. My guardian angel's the only one guiding me around my decision making.

It's the little things that keep me going on and on. Not the shrink, not the friends, not the things my parents loan me...it's the..well, the little things that happened around me. I know I'm supposed to be happy over the multiple posts I got voted for on curriculum day..which brings in more work. Yeah that's about it. No one can help me unless I help myself first. The nearing final exam is the least of my worries now. If I keep going on like this, I might really go insane this time round. I can't blame anyone this time except myself.

Life is just but a candle...Nah~

I'm sick of life. It's all about unexpected twists and turns coming outta nowhere.If you asked me, I would rather change my life with someone normal. I mean, yeah...so I'm different. There IS something wrong with me. I think like a boy, I act like one... My childhood contributed to this I think.You see, when i was young, I have been snobbed by girls my age and teased mercilessly. so what the heck? I just went over to the dark side...the boys...And there it all started.Man, wouldn't it be nicer to be born as Michael the boy? Better be careful with what I wish..anyway, if I was a boy, my childhood might have been vice-versa.( y'know what I mean,heh heh)

But there is a good side to everything I guess.All the things that happened to me is God's way of building who I am.This is part of a growing process I guess. I'm a girl, and hell yeah I like the way I am made out to be! *BUM*Bizzare, Unique and Mischevous! ( snap,snap,snap!) I am PROUD of who I am. Michelle the annoying and freaky one. But currently, I'm surrounded by a midst of confusion as in who I really wanna be... I could be Michelle the snot; Michelle the bitch ; Michelle the techno geek; Michelle the gangsta' ho; or the lonely and original me.Yeah, and let my everyday thoughts and guilts torment me each day to insanity.Hell, yeah. It's all about Michelle here in this blog.

It's over already??

Ah yes, the damn holidays are over.And yes I did enjoy it. I've done so many things I wanted to do before without embarrasing myself.Yep. Genting, the city of entertaiment.That's sort of like Las Vegas and Disneyland all rolled up into one..ya'll know what I mean. They got all sorts of heart-stopping rides there..and I've officially and finally qualified for ALL the rides there.Yep.I'm finally above 152 cm.Hail to the growing bones!!!

152 cm/1.52 m.That's the minimum height required for the most restricted ride in that themepark..the go-kart racing. I'm not saying that the track there is good or anything..well frankly, it sucked.And there wasn't enough space for me to pass ( potong in Malaysian language) the other cars and the 2nd out of 3 times I tried the thing, I chose the wrong car and all the cars took over me.In the end I ended up from 1st position to 7th position.That sucks.But I immensely enjoyed it.And I can't wait to do it again the next time.

Oh boy, I tried rock climbing this morning after having too much sugar in my cup of tea. It was cheap.RM4. But I chosen the wrong trac...er..wall scale to climb up. There was this stupid round mound of plastic blocking my way in the middle of that wall.I stood there for almost 5 minutes.The crowd which gathered to watch begin to disperse according to my wussy brother. I had to stop. So I let go and scaled down.One little boy thought I tripped and fell and started laughing. I mean, c'mon..this is my 1st try.I am gonna try it again the next time.Block or not.

Well thank you for listening to my shit on the things I wasted my time on during this holiday. I said 'wasted' because I'm supposed to finish up my Biology reports & the additional maths project which is to be handed in by Monday.I have no intention of starting.It's the intuition that's annoying me to start on it.So see ya later...

It's the fucking holidays!!! Woo-Hoooo~

Yeah, what the fuss..it's only lasting a week..And it's almost up.I didn't think it's worth anything cuz' I didn't do any shopping except window shopping this week..Did I say That?? Arghh..I'm really turning into something I sworn not to be a few years back..a bitch-ass ho. I mean, yeah...it's not as bad as some other ho's I know...but I'm really starting to hate myself.Few years back I idolized the punk style and attitude..now I'm gearing into Hip-hop shit.Fuck it.I hate it. So I'm turning into a gangsta' ho, a thug consort..ha-ha-ha. But I do like the reputation it gives me round the red light districts.. People look at me and try not to disturb me.Only some fools still wolf-whistle and do some other shit which I would not like to discuss here, mind ya.

I'm not bragging ...it's just something that's been happening since the start of this year. But I still listen to my guardian angel for advice.He's really good, & I thank God for giving me the best guardian angel I can ever get. He stops me from doing things I would regret later years in my life.He helps me ace my test especially when I didn't study the night before. Mike is the only guy that would cling at my side even during my dark ages. No one else cares for me that much.Not even my family.But he says that I'm the one not loving them enough..I'm not giving them the chance to know me, to love me..But I don't want them to know me.It would shock them to know the real me I've turned into after all these years of secluding myself from my family.

But then again, my brother is getting to understand how I live.At least there's someone I can identify with in my family. He's as weird, jerk and insolent as I am.Though he has a very bad temper...but yeah, he's my brother. There's only one of 'em around.Oh how I freakin' love my brother..hehe..such a lame idiot I am.

Breaking outta the shell !!!

Damn it ! I feel so good.I'm finally outta depression.( well, for a moment. It will come back soon.) I aced my monthly test!! I passed my Add Maths and Maths with a 4B grade.Physics-4B,Chemistry-5C, and Biology is still at a standstill of a D.Blast it.

It might not be top class for you all out there, but it's good enough for me...After my disastrous Mid-term exam marks, I'm ready for anything better.I haven't told my mom my marks yet. I want to sort of keep it as a surprise.I hope she'll cancel the grounding (30 minutes of computer per week).But when I hinted to her about how well I done, she didn't give a damn! That's it. No more telling anything to anyone.I am bloody well keeping my secrets intact. Not even to my so-called friends ( I'd rather call them class-mates/colleagues).I've lost trust in them long ago.So there's something new.I will not trust anyone anymore for as long I am ...single. Yeah, let's keep it safe first.Ha-ha.

About the breaking outta the shell thing.Yeah, recent pains and disasters a have really fired up my charisma. My stage fright has seem to lessen by the days. I do hope it's completely gone in time for my 2nd oral.For a lecturer's daughter, I am really quite an embarrassment.

I'm thinking of starting a book blog...for books I have read and rumours, & other shiznit I've heard about.Right.I need all the encouragement I can get...from my beloved books.Ya-boo.

Great.Exams tommorow.And guess what, mom said she'll stop me from ALL tuitions if I don't improve because that clearly shows that the classes don't help me at all.But what the heck.I haven't studied at all.I'm only worried about my Maths and history.I hope I can pass all my papers this time.Not so worried bout modern maths cuz' I'm familiar with the topics that are coming out.

LIfe is so depressing these days.Friends are getting harder to tolerate.But still, I keep reminding myself that this is just God's lesson in my growing process...but why is it so hard??? Damnation!!

Exams are a bunchful of ****

It's exam season again..Hoorah! Let's review what I got coming.

18 July 2005 - SWU English proficiency test
28 July- 3 August 2005 -School monthly exam
31 July 2005- Taekwando exam
6 August 2005 - Bible quiz
19 August 2005- Piano Practical Exam..
Somewhere in october-Finals..

Why wasn't I born later????Damnation!!!!

Bountiful bouts of depression...

Hooray..I got the head discipline post instead of the head I wanted.Oh well, at least I don't have to do my duty anymore... :D All I need to do is peek in every now and then ..So, the real thing that happened was that the Form 5 AJKs decided to give the teachers the power to choose the head.Good bye Head post! Initially, I predicted the library teacher would choose her dog, & I was right! Oh how the AJK under her gloated. But actually, the teachers decided that I didn't have the strenght to handle the job and that it would be too much stress for me.Bull.

And I had to go for a 1-on-1 interview with my English teacher to discuss my unhappiness. ( Shit, I shouldn't have mentioned that in my oral) And two of my caring friends stayed back. Yeah,yeah.. they were being true friends...( teacher, can I go now? ) but they had to comment on my trustfulness. They brought up that I don't share any secrets or problems with them ( Bulls, who wants to share with you? ) I don't like sharing anything with anyone. Save for boys and Helen,my best friends.

Boys are much more trustworthing than girls. They don't betray your trust like my ex-friend did. They share plenty of interests with me. Besides, I've been mixing with boys since I was in kindergarden. Girls are snobs.Yet, I still like being a girl.( Can you imagine me as Michael the boy? Yuck) But I am reallygetting bored with this damn school. I want change. Since I can't move to High School, I'm highly considering Saujana Impian...lol.

Disaster !!!

Monthly exam is 3 weeks away..Taekwando exam is 2 weeks away..piano exam is a month away..SWU English Proficiency test is 1 week away...Oh how I wish to turn back time where I don't need to study to score and A..So my goals for now...

GOALS
1.Get more than 3 1As.
2.Pass my Add maths.
3.Not fail in any subject this time.
4.Get 1A in Literature
5.Stop thinking so much about my social future!!! :P
6.Pass my practical exam.
7.Get black belt as soon as possible..no more delaying!!!
8.No more being nervous during oral or public speaking...(my weakness..I tend to ramble)

That's about it I guess..now I'm just sitting,waiting for something out of the blue to happen...something like getting a pass for my Grade 8 theory exam in music...

Yay...'no' repercussion

Yup..my mom collected my report card when I was having the time of my life at HELP institute. Maybe not the High School boys (& one girl!)...They lost to Melawati school due to the lack of emphasis on their own points..Though the arguments were good be frank, this one wasn't as good as the first round..With some cacat school from KL.The opponents were quite good and rude.The third speaker challenged the High school girl to elaborate on her point..And then after saying that she cant,cuz' it wasn't her turn. Terrible I tell ya'.I really wanted to strangle him at one point.Later I followed the High schools to the internet room to skip the debate between the defenders and SMK Derma, Perlis. After all,it's the last time I might be using the net...(non-stop using Friendster)...Later, Derma won..It seems that Subang jaya was a lil' too confident of themselves and only spoke for about 5 minutes each!

Coming back to my report card...hmm,yes. The Add maths/class teacher didn't mention anything about that crummy letter.Instead,she went on rambling about me having problems at home/school and dreaming all the time.She even had the cheek to say that I don't ask her questions..And my sweet gullible mother went on and believed her..Now, she seems to believe that I have a pychological problem or something...I think I'd rather have the repercussions..

Nuke you!

Ah, a lovely day at the nuklear factory. While others find it boring, I in fact found it rather enlightening. Besides the free pens, rubber gloves and facial masks ( made using Gamma and ionic radiation) I got to skip school for a whole day!!!Lovely,lovely day indeed it was. This was an excursion for my class' (4Berlian) EST class, y'see.

The most exciting part was...learning how the atomic bomb works and how it's made. Costly it is!! 40g of uranium! That can buy me a whole room and wadrobe makeover with Gucci stuff!! The atomic bomb works by not destructing the building.All it does is kill people within a certain range in a certain amount of time & it spreads so very quickly...Call me weird but I found it quite interesting to know how the Hiroshima bombing turned out to be so bad. Besides that, it was exciting to know that I was near a very dangerous radiation area...heck, my brother even told me not to bring back radiation as a souvenier..he he he...I almost forgot all my problems while there..until i came back to school, I was greeted with my Horrible Literature Marks...73% 2A!!! First I was the highest scoring girl..until a student found a mistake in teacher's counting and got a 75% 1A..I thought I could keep the record for some time...

Guardian Angel : You're jealous.
Michelle : I am not!!
Guardian angel : Hey, green faced, you better buck up for your next test.You used to get an A
for everything in the past.
Michelle :Yes I know...(Shrinks into background)

Torn between the things in life...

Tomorrow is Doomsday for me. You know what? It's the report card day/debate day/fund-raising day.So far I managed to weasel out of the fund-raising thing...& at the same time ,jeopardizing my chance to be Head librarian cause the debate clashes with that stupid charity! I mean...I really wanted to do this..But the Debate..T-the debate..I just can't stop watching these matches. It's like I have a weird passion for it or something.

And about the report-card, so far I've only told my mom about my English,Malay,EST,Literature,PJK & physics marks.(those were the good ones...In which I scored 1As,2As and 5/6Cs) It's terrible I tell you feeling that all your well-kept secrets are blown off in that one stupid report card!!! Fuck add Maths!!! I can't take that sub.The good thing is that I only failed one miserable subject in this Mid-Term exam. I hope that my new-found knowledge source might help me ace the add maths test in the 2nd monthly exam.

I'm deciding a good time to tell her.If I tell her now, there is a risk of her not sending me to High school to catch the bus to the debate tomorrow. So I might want to tell her tomorrow just before reaching the school. But you guys don't know my mom.She might just drop me off somewhere I don't know or bring me with her to get my report card.Brrrr..scary..Apparently, she wants to see all the teachers.And students are supposed to follow their parents to see the teachers. That is so unfortunate for her then.(hyuk,hyuk,hyuk) But she doesn't know that does she?? And I forgot to tell her that she can only see the class teacher..my Add Maths teacher...Oh,shit. i forgot about that. Remember that letter she asked my class to write on why we failed our add maths? My gang has a feeling that she's gonna use it as a reason to tell our parents,just like that.(that evil scheming teacher..mutter mutter.).So now I've got 3 1As, 2 2As,1 5C, 2 6Cs, 1 P7,2P8s and 1 Stupid 9G for ADD MATHS!!!!!!!WHYYYY WHYYYYYYYY?????? sob sob sob....

P/S: Not much emotion when I received the Add Maths paper..It's like,Oh well,get over it.It's not like you can change it or something.after all,it's just a puny 7 marks needed to pass..Just 7 more marks to get a 8P....A STINkinG FuCkiNg 7 PunY Little More marks to Pass!! ! aRHGhhhhgg!!!!

*This blog entry is dedicated to my new knowledge source,Ms.Wong :) Thank you for helping me to finally understand what the fuck I'm doing learning add Maths. After all, I don't need add maths in my future career. All I need is English,BM,Bio and Kimia/Fizik.

The terrible 7D,P8 and 9G.

Why-oh-why did my class get such horrible teachers? I'm not blaming them about their teaching style...it's their way of marking the damn paper.I mean,c'mon..in Biology, the 'datin' cut marks for missing a word or two.I barely passed that thing.The others weren't that bad..I mean it's impossible to get 1As in the Mid-Term test isn't it?..Well, maybe except English,EST and BM ( I scraped a measly 70.3 =2A) PJk and moral.By the way, about Moral...I actually got half of my marks because I did not use the format given.How am I supposed to know that you can't use point form while answering the subjective questions?! Because in the last exam, the teacher gave me marks even for Point-form answers..I'm supposed to get an 87 -1A for it...I was crying quite badly..until the teacher told me that the format changed and I will give you full marks on those questions based on your opinions..but please do not do it again. Somehow I don't feel happy cuz those marks were mercy marks.

I didn't tell my mom anything bout my marks since that day.I'm currently getting bouts of depression lately.Nothing seems good enough to cheer me up.It doesn't help that I got elected as head supervisor for a fund-raising event by the fucking commitee members of the library.I got preety fired up about it..until I got to know that it clashes with the HELP institute debate and the report card day..So I've sucessfully canceled the project..but there is a slight repercussion. This was a test given to me to see if I could handle the job of head libarian next year.I guess I blew it there..and another possibility that I might get blacklisted by the school principle for opting out at the last minute...

Another REASON why I want out of this school..I really want to go to any private institution or school..because the subs are taught in English..If I really can't, then Saujana Impian or heck..even Jb school..as long as it's not Convent. But there's something that pulls me to stay on..the fact that i hold several positions in the clubs.( important after school) and that the school was once occupied by nuns and the school itself is next to the church..so I can go every mornig to the adoration room....

It all comes down to zilch.. 0_o

I'm really addicted to holidays! (Duh,who isn't?) Anyway i'm having a great time..preparing my projects and delaying my homework.Life as a student really sucks.On the contrary,I'm currently playing Link in the legend of Zelda game on the GameBoy Advance emulator.Also surfing the net....all this holidays really making me out of ideas.So I just designed some surfboards for the Ralph lauren contest & also writing a fictional story to win myself a Harry Potter book and a night's stay at a 5-star hotel...

It's that boring..so most of the time I'm dreaming..and drawing comics..playing with the computer and Playstation2...I really need to get to the library..Maybe I'll ask my mom to bring me there.Later.Gotta go interview a speech therapist for my science project...

Holla-day!!!

Finally exam is OVER!!!! (nothing to do with that silly Lindsay bitch song,mind ya) Still I can't resist the fact that I'm gonna lose my privelages which compromise of the computer and tv hours..I can make up for the net in the cafes and tv? Who needs tv..(sob* I do..) all I will miss are the Drew Carey shows and My beloved MTV music videos and serials and...Oh Gawd I can't lose my TV hours...I better pray that I'll get exeptional results for my exam..Exceptional for my Mom that is..she already said she will take away all my privalages (I'm still ok as long as she doesn't take away my beloved Boombox and cassetes and CDs..) if I come back with my horrendous marks..

I still can't get the concept of Add/modern maths and I'm losing my touch on normal maths..And I haven't mentioned anything about the horrible biology have I? I'm quite Ok with the other subs..(i'm best in English language,Literature,EST) Though I'm not soo confident of my Physics,history,Chemistry...It's all in The Malay Language! I wish I could go to an international school to learn all this shit in English..I can assure you that my marks will go over the tops!