The double-edged sword

Should I have even started?
If I was planning the end from the start.

And with that, concludes this open vault of my thoughts.

It's in the name

Did I choose to mindlessly deliberately (lol) copy&chop up the name of a well-known book series? (Which I must say, is interesting, but not enough to grab my attention to donate my precious time for the 7)

Oh what a coincidence!

The name came to me subconsciously, say what you want, but that's that.

I was thinking 5 years ago;

• Yeah, I get lucky at times..but how often am I actually happy?
• I'm not exactly disaster-prone either
• 70% of the time I'm manic-depressive, not to the point of wall-head banging
• I'm a Wednesday child, but woe isn't exactly me
• I'm not the first thought that comes to ppl's minds on the word 'happy'
• My good things happen, the bad things happen more...but they rarely do obstruct the former..sometimes

Tadah. The simplicity, not mod, not minimalist, not pompous. Just me, 'the words can't seem to come to mind'. My life is fortunate, but not so exactly. Ambiguity. Lalalalalala. (Or maybe I might have heard/read/seen it somewhere subconsciously. wahahaha)

Speaking of luck, I finally booked a spot in the Bratz, a young journalist programme held by The Star @ one-way-internship-ticket & your only chance to get a job as a columnist. The minimum age requirement is 16 and the oldest; 19. The master of procrastinator had waited & waited to turn 16 for her chance and continued waiting till the last moment; 19.

Am I treasuring a moment I once held on a pedestal of sorts? Hmm, writing is a forte, but not exactly a passion...it's the things I write about. Impurity...heh, sorry oh-countless-newsletters, I'm a fake 'writer'.

Farewell for now

Doolittle is now independent of Higgins

Redundant

Dimmer, slightly, lightly

I haven't been doing much for myself lately. (except daily shopping sprees). While old peers are shining brightly with many things to their names, I have been brought down to the status of working-class; the boredom, the routine, mundane. It must be getting to my head as I actually look forward to go to work each day.

So I compensated for my evil deed (hah) by going on a shopping spree at Pay Less Books. (still....most of the books I buy are craft books..I'm almost ignoring literature...)

The end?

I can't stand blogging anymore. It's just the same as writing diaries except that you type this one out. Heck, I've never been able to keep diaries, each one was shortlived.

So congrats B, you've had me for the longest; 4 years. Now I'll just chuck you in a corner until I feel really really deprived to post again. Or maybe I'll edit this post from time to time. Nostalgia. Bleh.

Oh crap. Where's it gone?

Foundation has its bad effects on me, since now I'm studying subjects related to my future job, it's taken the fun out of 'school-life'. At least A-levels was still school. I don't find any more time to vent out my creative juices. No more literature? Oh horrors!

Actually I don't really care. Not even for the fact that I missed out the audition for the A levels Translations play for the role of that mute girl I've been eyeing (okay, it does hurt...a lot). Well, let's just say that teenage me would have murdered me again and again for what I am doing to myself.

Growing up is such a drag.

My best friend trouble

I'm sorry Rachel, it was my fault. You did not gain weight. It was what exactly I told you. I believe that every incident has a reason. If it wasn't for this, the corset wouldn't have had that unique gold fastening. If my dad didn't send me to the wrong church, I wouldn't have gotten the brilliant belt turned choker. So thank you Rachel, you were excellent.

The outfit is almost completed; I just have to decorate it with ribbons, lace & all sorts of thinkamagiks. The only problem I'm having with it is how to make an alternative fastening at the back of the corset. Because (the model put on weight) I sewn the fabric on the expandable part of the corset, it wasn't able to stretch fully & now I have to make a makeshift shoelace like fastening to hold it so it wouldn't drop.

Alright! So I'm angry that it didn't fit her. On the fitting day, I just told her what I typed on the top to appease her clueless ness on why it didn't fit her like it did before. When I got home, I realized how tough it is to change the corset & smsed her to try to control her body for this week...perhaps on a quick diet. At first, she agreed to it. Later she changed her mind & kept repeating this line:

"I DID NOT PUT ON WEIGHT"

Someone got smart & added later what I told her earlier. Hello, I only told you that because I did not want to hurt anyone's feelings because we were going to have a video shoot of the fitting, I didn't want my words to affect your performance. Not that it was any good anyway, when Bill says to walk more girly, you don't become more wooden than you already are. Heck, he walks better than you!

She even had the cheek to tell me to just make the corset fit her. Wow, now that's a model in the making, not even one yet & she's starting to act like a stereotype. Hah, she's lucky she's stuck with me, otherwise any other designer would have dropped Miss Princess & her annoying bf who keeps asking "Does it hurt?" when I was being as careful as possible while pinning the corset on her.
(Have I told you yet? They come in a package)

On another note, I'm still looking for my Legolas ears. I've been trying to call a few numbers Spannerworks Event Company provided me with but still no answer. I hope I can get a cheap pair, I think I already overblown my budget...sigh..any ideas where I can get one cheap for sale/rent?

Too many Did nots

I've been busy for the past week... too many unfortunate events happening..so I'll just do it like the Nintendo DS Pokemon Pearl Journal style (Get the DS, it's so damn fun you won't wanna take your hands off it..for real =P)

Wed, 8 Aug - Tried the RKL Express bus, Back to Kajang to get pastels from Helen, Missed my moral quiz while using the bus...(NEVER AGAIN unless unnessasary)

Thurs, 9 Aug - Started my 4 day part time job selling GPS systems at MAPA, Sold my 1st (& last) unit

Fri, 10 Aug - Did not sell any units. Found out classmate has succeeded into pursuading another guy to be the transport for our before-2nd-sem-starts-last-trip...(Future post perhaps? )

Sat, 11 Aug - Did not sleep the whole night, came to job sick, did not finish resketch of design, corset did not fit model, model DID NOT watch her body, michelle DID NOT keep her cool, michelle DID NOT have a good day.

Sun, 12 Aug - Went to church late, got a job offer to Singapore from boss & a chance to work from home later, did not sell any units, got threatened by a useless bastard (c'mon, I'm just a part-timer, what do I know bout the rules & politics of event management?) Found out that part-time crush is married (Ooh, that's too bad..haha), went back to a screaming banshee, thought of someone (no, not that one), and had the best sleep in days!

Mon, 13 Aug - Back to see the tailor in Kajang, used the slow buses again=4 hours spent travelling, trip to The Curve cancelled, stepped into cement, tore my jeans, & overusing my computer hours (again)

Redo! Redo! Redo!

Shit! I made a silly miscalculation on the pleats for the top..they don't exactly look 'eye pleasing'. So I picked at everything to start over. And to think that I wanted to mix batik material with the blue silk thing I found...oh gosh...

I HAVE to keep reminding myself that:

LESS IS EVERYTHING

How I wish money really grew on trees now...

Ever since the windfall after the SPM results came out, I've been spending like..well, like I've never spent before. (hahaha) My estimated expenditure would have (by today) added up to more than RM1k. Oh gosh, have I really spent that much? In less than 2 months?? Where did it all go? Oh yeah, to replenish my bland wardrobe for 'college life'. I know, it would have been able to feed dozens of families in some impoverished country, but I really needed to burn some cash after years of kedekuting it out all my secondary-school life. It's a nice distraction when I'm feeling depressed. Just yesterday, I was ready to slit my wrists, and today I'm as happy, um..as I've never been happy before? Lol, Nah, that's not real happiness..I'm still waiting for it to hit me..pure happiness. Rare, but not impossible to achieve in my oh-I-don't-know-how-many-years I have left. Gee, I hope it does come one day.

P/s: I've banked in the same amount of what I spent already, to ease up the guilt factor..sigh..what I do for a living..

Hell

A world without inhibition
No rules
No leaders
No dictators
No hypocrites
No religion
No colours
No lies
No truth

Just faith
Freedom
Heaven

And then I woke up

Cook
I cooked
Clean
I cleaned
Go
I went
Work
I worked
Love me
I loved you
End it
I did not, so you did

An actual conversation that happened in class

Mr.J: Whaaat izzz duh meaneeeng offuh hurricane??
Girl waving her hand in the air: Oh, it's basically a strong wind, though I'm not sure if that is the dictionary meaning of it...
Mr.J: Yeessss, dat izzz duh meaning offuh..hurry-caane...how do youuu spell hurrra-cane?
Girl waving her hand in the air: That's H-U-R-R-I-C-A-N-E, sir.
Mr.J :Thaat's riight...now why is this sweet young guurrl the only one answering my quesstionsss?

Girl in the sky-blue dhotti: oh my god...it's holy week & I'm already swearing..

Broken again & again

All the stuff that ever appeared in the media about cheating in relationships emphasize on the pains of the cheated one, & how to deal with the one that cheated. Trust me, it sucks.

But they never did touch on the feelings of the third party. Sigh.

Change of view

Life is sweet. I know it sounds cruel, but I'm happy that most of my fellow course mates came as loners for the March intake. I have this special knack of making friends with these loners, as I was ( & still is sometimes) one of them. I believe in Karma, do unto others what you want done unto you. Unfortunately, I got shunned as the social outcast for many years in primary school, so I feel this kind of responsibility to make sure no one feels like the social outcast...so that no one will turn out like me, the one that was hurt before..well, at least I'm not as alone now as I was in A-levels. Here, I get to meet the international students from India, Dubai, Pakistan that I befriended in early January. And also a church boy who cracks jokes all the time, causing me to hyperventilate & get a mini-heart attack..hahaha. It's so fun being around these people, they never fail to make me laugh.

Oh, have I forgot to mention that I dropped out of A-levels & now doing foundation in ARTS?

The best part about it is that my classes are all at the main block. Which means I don't need to ride on the freaking lift. I've got this fear that the lift will keep going down & down to the center of the earth, stuck in an oven..brr~But anyway, I've only got 3 days of college per week! How cool is that, that a lazy bum like me can bum even more at home..hahaha! Oh yeah, I didn't like A-levels cuz it didn't allow me to be a lazy bum that I am..though I'll miss Literature in english..O how I miss you Miss Caro; my first lesson in intermediate english was about vocabulary. How unchallenging...well, I guess it's fair since most of my classmates come from Chinese-ed. schools. Did I mention that I get permanent classmates from now on? LOVELY!! The second lesson was study skills; with the oh-so-handsome-&-metro-the-guy-that-every-girl-was-gushing-about Mr.Daniel. He asked us what is needed for success. I told him exploitation. Why? (well, in SPM I took advantage of the edu. system by spotting questions..hah! serves them right for making the 'A' so important...oh, taking advantage) Oh, sorry sir..It's carpe diem..seize the moment.

"I aspire to be a failure. If I do become a failure, I'm successful. Even if I don't, I'm still successful."

-From some comic I read in Myc magazine-