The double-edged sword

Should I have even started?
If I was planning the end from the start.

And with that, concludes this open vault of my thoughts.

It's in the name

Did I choose to mindlessly deliberately (lol) copy&chop up the name of a well-known book series? (Which I must say, is interesting, but not enough to grab my attention to donate my precious time for the 7)

Oh what a coincidence!

The name came to me subconsciously, say what you want, but that's that.

I was thinking 5 years ago;

• Yeah, I get lucky at times..but how often am I actually happy?
• I'm not exactly disaster-prone either
• 70% of the time I'm manic-depressive, not to the point of wall-head banging
• I'm a Wednesday child, but woe isn't exactly me
• I'm not the first thought that comes to ppl's minds on the word 'happy'
• My good things happen, the bad things happen more...but they rarely do obstruct the former..sometimes

Tadah. The simplicity, not mod, not minimalist, not pompous. Just me, 'the words can't seem to come to mind'. My life is fortunate, but not so exactly. Ambiguity. Lalalalalala. (Or maybe I might have heard/read/seen it somewhere subconsciously. wahahaha)

Speaking of luck, I finally booked a spot in the Bratz, a young journalist programme held by The Star @ one-way-internship-ticket & your only chance to get a job as a columnist. The minimum age requirement is 16 and the oldest; 19. The master of procrastinator had waited & waited to turn 16 for her chance and continued waiting till the last moment; 19.

Am I treasuring a moment I once held on a pedestal of sorts? Hmm, writing is a forte, but not exactly a passion...it's the things I write about. Impurity...heh, sorry oh-countless-newsletters, I'm a fake 'writer'.

w00t

I want to start a new blog!

Just in case you don't know yet, (hardy-har-har) my life isn't all about gloom & doom & locking myself up in my room just...thinking.
But to start posting photos of the delightful little things I stumble upon in my daily adventures in this blog? It doesn't feel right, it's all so gloomy and dark in here you just feel choked under all that black cloud, and suddenly some random photos of woohoos and wheeeeee~s pop out? Look at the post below, what the heck is something so bright and happy lala doing here? ARGH, my mind is telling me something here LOL LOL LOL


This blog used to be a great balance on life; in and out of my head. Now, it's all about my inner..thoughts. HAHA, and it's hard for me to switch the direction of where all this is going. Well, the bad part if I wanted to start a new blog is that I have to give up the painfully thought up URL...unless I delete the archives here...or maybe a new page? Hmm.

What to expect (if I don't procrastinate as I always do): The life of a girl who believes shopping is best done alone, travelling around cities, hopping off trains and buses, getting lifts from random...acquaintances :D, walking just to save some peanut money, snapping pics of modern indie art, collecting art, my obsession with miniatures and indie/brit bands, finding out places with the spiciest tomyam to top off the previously-spiciest (my tastebuds gets blah after awhile)...etc. Haha, I'm ranting and it feels good to be doing this again

The fatalist

My words rehearsed

Heck, even my thoughts are rehearsed

Since everything is planned out, can I know what's in store for me?

Errrrr.....

Farewell for now

Doolittle is now independent of Higgins

Redundant

Temporary contentment

Thursday, October 05, 2006 Suicidal notes

How I miss my childhood.
The carefree days.
Everything was clean and fun.
Now, it all seems murky and all in a disarray.

I am in a dream.
A dream that will end soon.
I am still living out my childhood.
To your eyes, I am a young woman.
In my heart, I am forever a child.

Oh, how I will miss the days without worries and thoughts.
I want to end my life before it is too late.
Stop my life at the age before becoming ...
To make my dream an everlasting one..
Will be pure bliss for me.

Alas, fear stopped me.
Curiosity told me to continue with my dreaded life
"Wouldn't you love to know what's to become of you?"
What's to become of me?
Oh, what's to become of me?


I went through my old posts and one caught my eye..
And to think I had written this 2 years ago...Let me explain the 2nd and 3rd verse.

I was afraid of 'growing up', or otherwise losing my sense of curiosity and independence of thought. Caught in the realm of 'becoming', I knew I was soon losing my sense of individuality, hence the desire to kill myself. Well, the dream ended not too long after I wrote that.

The mind grows in two ways. From the innocenct inquisitive mind of a child; into a conditioned adult mind, or one who questions forever. I was in between, the frustration...but now it doesn't matter. My mind is now lost in the realm of me. I don't have to worry about adaptation or fitting in for now. So as long I have my mask in handy :)

Nude remix

This is amazing, check it out. A few weeks back, Radiohead organized a an online competition to remix 'Nude', a song of their pay-what-you-want album, In Rainbows. So you just have to download parts of the songs (which you have to pay for...haha) and do what you want. This guy missed the deadline, but he posted it up anyway.

Well, you can guess I'm a major fan(atic) of Radiohead