Once again.. in deep shit~

Yeah, the finals are coming and as usual..(Michelle will never dissapoint you all) I'm not ready for it! Ha haha.. I take one look at the Form 3 and Form 5 preparing for their PMR and SPM and I'm already feeling sick. It's not that I can't study, I can~ I can do anything and finish it once I start on it. Problem is, I don't want to start on this one. I hate studying. It's the last thing on my list.

But one thing is for sure that I'm much better prepared now..My add maths is in top shape and so are my science subs..but I'm worried bout the outcomes, y'know? Teachers already confessed that the exam is going to HARD..but they had also leaked out the questions that are coming out at the same time..hee hee hee

So wish me luck on this and let's see if I can weasel herself outta this. Once I finish the exams and get my full-attendence certificate, I'm gonna play hookey and enjoymyself to the max!!!! hahahaha~ But that also means that I'll be using the net at a less frequent rate now since my exams are for two weeks long.So bear with me.. Don't worry, I will find a way out of this mess..hehehe.

I admit it.. I am under depression.

I miss happiness. It's been a while since I got to feel. Yeah, sure.. you might see me laughing my head off at a very lame joke or smiling at you, not expecting you to smile back..but inside I'm tearing up my heart again and again. Helen idea's is right; if I weren't a Christian, I would have killed myself looong time ago. Then I'll kill myself again and again in hell..brrr...

My friend says it's change and you'll have to learn to go through it slowly and steadily.But for how long? I don't mind change but this is a little too much for me to handle. Already I got school exams and rivalry but this??? I really can't take it no more. I'm beginning to doubt my friends..are they really true friends..or fiends... I don't know how to differ between good and bad anymore. My guardian angel's the only one guiding me around my decision making.

It's the little things that keep me going on and on. Not the shrink, not the friends, not the things my parents loan me...it's the..well, the little things that happened around me. I know I'm supposed to be happy over the multiple posts I got voted for on curriculum day..which brings in more work. Yeah that's about it. No one can help me unless I help myself first. The nearing final exam is the least of my worries now. If I keep going on like this, I might really go insane this time round. I can't blame anyone this time except myself.

Life is just but a candle...Nah~

I'm sick of life. It's all about unexpected twists and turns coming outta nowhere.If you asked me, I would rather change my life with someone normal. I mean, yeah...so I'm different. There IS something wrong with me. I think like a boy, I act like one... My childhood contributed to this I think.You see, when i was young, I have been snobbed by girls my age and teased mercilessly. so what the heck? I just went over to the dark side...the boys...And there it all started.Man, wouldn't it be nicer to be born as Michael the boy? Better be careful with what I wish..anyway, if I was a boy, my childhood might have been vice-versa.( y'know what I mean,heh heh)

But there is a good side to everything I guess.All the things that happened to me is God's way of building who I am.This is part of a growing process I guess. I'm a girl, and hell yeah I like the way I am made out to be! *BUM*Bizzare, Unique and Mischevous! ( snap,snap,snap!) I am PROUD of who I am. Michelle the annoying and freaky one. But currently, I'm surrounded by a midst of confusion as in who I really wanna be... I could be Michelle the snot; Michelle the bitch ; Michelle the techno geek; Michelle the gangsta' ho; or the lonely and original me.Yeah, and let my everyday thoughts and guilts torment me each day to insanity.Hell, yeah. It's all about Michelle here in this blog.