Damn the boring holidays again..

Gee..can my mom make the boring holidays worse? Yes she can! She signed me up for The Star 'Sunny yee's intensice SPM class' this December. Worse of all, she denied my request to be put into PTM again for its intensive class this December.Well apart from rebising and preparing for my SPm, the main reason why I want to join PTM is because of 2 things. One, I don't get much freedom to visit my friends. Two, I need to hang out with my friends or I'll go crazy!!! Life of a part-time socialite sucks.

Happy days are here again~

Well, about the last post...my mom wanted me to break up the relationship. It was too simple...irresistable!! All I had to do is not call him from my house anymore and him to do the same.Thank the government for public phones.After SPM, we're gonna break it to her. ( Frankly, I wanna savour the look on her face when the truth is told..)

Speaking of which, my wildest dream has come true!! Well, no..it's not a new handphone or something. I'm allowed to drop Add Maths for my SPM!!! Finally, I'll be able to sit for my exams without dread or fear. Now i can concentrate more on the Big-3, History and Maths. After all, what I'm going to do after I leave school has nothing to do with mathematics nor has it to do with science. A little bit of general knowledge is okay I guess, so I'll bear with my teacher in a while.

Is it just me, or am I really lucky these days? Nah, it's just me. My parents are thinking of moving to PJ for its convenient location and shit. Probably next year or the year after next. I don't mind moving and all..I'd like to move rather. Though I'm having doubts in me again, I really want to move..the faster the better.Why?

Pros.# Co-ed school, New friends of differant genders and races, New room, more freedom, less responsibility,
and I'll be able to give up my posts of librarian dicipline head, treasurer for Taekwando and
English language society! Plus, the schools in PJ are known for their good English. What better place to
hone my skills? i'd fit right in~

Cons.# I'll miss all my friends in Kajangville!! Especially that guy. He's moving to High School next year so he
can see me more often..and now I'm moving.Geez. I like the church here. We got the best and coolest
youths around...

Well I guess the pros sound more lucrative so yeah, I'm all for it. Besides, there are ways to get to my hometown with ease. Yup, the holidays are really getting into me. :)

Black hearts again

So they finally found out. Hahaha.
It's not his fault..More to mine.
But 3 calls in a day? Any idiot would've guessed something was going on...

He said not to call him & he would not call me anymore.
He said to stop for the moment and concentrate on our studies..
He said we'll be majors after we reach 18.
He said not to forget him, as he will never forget me.
He said he will always love me, and I will always too.

I wonder if I want to hold on, if I have to wait that long.

My source of joy, attention, comfort, care,warmth, protection & love is gone.
I don't find any of those at home, why did you think I was so eager to look elsewhere?
Depression was slowly pulling me closer and closer into insanity...

My mom would beg to differ, she will say 'I Love you more than anything".
I know she does, deep down inside.But can't she step down her pedestal for once and show her daughter a show of affection? Can't she humble herself, forget her pride, and help the daughter who missed feeling loved? I know she has others in the family she has to care for, but surely not to the extend of completely forgetting her duty as parent to this still fragile and broken child?

Why let others suffer just because you had the same fate in your time? Is it because you felt it wasn't fair that you had to go through the pain yourself and not others? I am your daughter. Not another person in your life as you have always treated me. Why take away my only source of joy & love if you cannot take the step to show it to me?

If you want to change, please don't. I will only find it unorthodox and strange that this woman I knew for years has decided to change after so long being ignorant of the other person's need.

My Red date turned sour...hahaha~

The big day out? Pah!

More like his day out...But I couldn't (haha) blame him because he hasn't seen his ex-classmates for ages..
I regretted being too clear in what I feel because I thought I was frightening some of my mates there.
But the movie was a big disappointment. The1st,2nd Harry potter movies were much better than this piece of shit for 150 minutes.
"What's that? Excellent? You must be off your chump, love.."
apparently, Mr.I'm-such-a-big-fan-of-HP disapproved with my ideas on the movie. Thankfully, Mr. Samuel stood behind my back there and then.

Obviously, I was the black sheep of the whole excursion group. It was just supposed to be me, him and a close friend of ours...But it wasn't my fault...My mom didn't like the idea that I was going to hang out with just boys for a full 10 hours.So we had to rope in with the big excursion gang from close friend's class.15 in total. They went bowling after the movie. And I, the stupid one resorted to staying back just to be with him after getting the Harry Potter and Narnia books. I hate bowling, no matter how tempting the gameboy version by Namco is. I could've used the time to get my shopping done, but nooo~I stayed back to find out that the consort just went out a while to be with some other friends. Damn it, I might sound desperate and all, but what can a girl who hasn't seen her man for more than a week do? He noticed my dismay as we left the bowling alley to get lunch at 5pm.I didn't feel like I had the appetite. So I told the gang my mother expected me to be home by 6pm. He hurried after me, and said sorry for that.I mumbled a fake"you're forgiven" shit ( I still pride myself that I managed to say that) and said a sorry to him too for being such a jerk.

Later, I met my 'galfriends' at the train station with the froggirl clearly trying to avoid me. Did I get home on time? No. My mom picked me up at 6.10pm. But she didn't say anything because I went back with the girls she considers as my best friends. After what happened yesterday, I might want to consider that term again..hmm.

Aside that, he told his mom that he was dating a Chinese girl, namely me. His mom was overjoyed ( so I heard ) and even asked "how are you" over the phone. Gee, why can't my mom be more like that? He said that if she finds out, he will see to it personally. Which was what I was afraid of. So he concluded that after SPM, we'll come clean through with both sides...I stifled an answer. In my mind, I thought that would only happen if we last that long. I'm having my frequenting doubts again. ha-ha.Sometimes, even my own mind amuses me.

I'm going to the movies~ Yahoo!

My mom has finally allowed me to go out! This calls for a personal celebration with me, myself & I. I'll tell you why, I managed to convince her that the guys I hang out with are just ordinary mama's boys. So I'll be enjoying myself by watching the latest movie HP4. Turns out 'consort' is a BIG fan of Harry Potter himself.

I also convinced that if I bring a girl along, she'll most probably be more of a nuisance.I'm sorry my dear friends who are reading this but I would have to tend to her feelings & insecurities of being left out and bored. I'm speaking in spite of myself. Yet, I don't feel guilty to betray my own kind. You know why?? Girls are so freaking annoying and talkative all the time. I mean, some of them are alright of course, but I hate girls who talk crap and most of their conversations end up with nothing to it. You know why? All these 'girls' talk about is about the drama or movie they watched, what these girl/boy said to them or the clothes they're wearing...I hate conversing with these vain and ignorant sort of girls. All their conversations are total stupidity and bimbo-ness. Can't they change a bit? Talk about something more intelligent for a change.

Some of you may say that I'm contradicting myself...Yes, I admit that I talk to these girls sometimes, but it's mainly for my benefit. Once they drone about nothing, I respond by smiling and giving occasional 'oohs and aahs or really, what happened?' How to do that? Easy. Look at their facial expression and body language. If she's moving her hand animatedly, she's talking about something funny/amusing. Respond by instinct. Boys can use these on girls. Girls I mentioned above can use this to stop yourself from boring others to death with your stupidity and ignoramus attitude!!! You might be able to spot the faker; most of them use the above basic rules. Don't get mad at them, they're trying to be nice to you. Instead, stop talking, read up on newspapers/ encyclopedias and start acting intelligent. As a member of the females, you shouldn't do anything like the above mentioned to shame our clan...enough said, I'm starting to sound like a preacher. But after all, it's my blog and I can say what I want on it. Don't like it? Ignore it.

It was the 'BEST" birthday EVER!!!

YEAH~ I had SOOO much fun. You know what I did? I washed the clothes and I did the dishes and went for a music class and did the groceries. Then I came back to cut a cake with the wrong spelling of my name at home when I should be better off hanging out with my friends.
I hate this birthday. So much for 'sweet 16'. Haha.
At least some people cheered up my day by calling me to say a happy birthday. Especially the call from beloved. Yeah, apart from that. Everything was boring. No presents becuase I had spent overRM60 in Cambodia. Fuck lah. It's really getting on my nerves I tell ya. Oh well, at least my mom is paying for my rebonding session. Good enough for me.

happy Birthday to me~

Oh yeah, the day I expected to come has came. I'm not wishing for anything else except for a Handphone ( preferably a Sony erricson model K70..something like that, mom if you're reading this, you know what to do) She couldn't even wish me a Happy Birthday..she has to say that my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. Saddening as it may be, as least there's no embarresing moments this birthday because I'm not having a party this year. The reasons? Simple. I'm bored of the same ritual every year. Cake, pizza, watermelon, pictures & glass ornament and junk as presents. Ho-hum. Another reason is that if I have a party, I will have to choose between the 'galfriends' from my school and the homies from the street. My mom would approve more of the girls ( that old fashioned, racist, sex discriminating- party pooper..) but frankly, I would have more fun with my homies from the street ( specifically the boys) I don't know. I just find that they are more fun to be with than girls. Must be that boyish side in me.

Girls are evil. I just can't stand them. I can't stand myself even! Life is just so cruel.