Busy Bee

I got myself involved in a movie made by the youths of my new church. After the audition, I've been given one of the main roles. The bad part is that filming takes place during the March school hols. which no longer applies to me; meaning I have to skip some classes or so. The worse part is that they are 2 understudies who badly want the role as I do. (Which is 'the bitchy, neglected brat with rich parents to boot, hell I'll have to be something I hate) "Like, who is this new girl? I've never seen her in church before, how can they give the role to the newcomer?" Guess I'll have to put in everything I've got to show the understudies who's the boss..haha. Start from the bottom before I claw my way up.

I might be joining Toastmasters International Club, but the Adventure Club sounds a bit interesting too. No doubt I'm joining HIGS (HELP Indoor Games Society). I'll just have to wait for the club promo day.

Redeemed (for good?)

I can smile again, thank you Lord.
For the times I doubted your existence, you forgave me.
For the times I despised everything in me, you gave me so many reasons today to smile again. Thank you.

The animal within

Like a snake;
violent when provoked,
yet very patient.
attacks with fury when troubled.
The fixed smile on its face,
the permanent expression;
hides all emotions and feelings it might have;
pain, fear, joy, anger, sadness...
Silently, bemoaning the curse;
detested by all, seeked out with a vengeance.
Silently, and subtly
evades its foes.
Silently, wondering
how long more it can stand being alone.


There is a demon in me. It's not your everyday evil being with long sharp fangs etc. Just imagine Edward Scissorhand crossed with Professor Snape. Gloomy, possessing me, causing me to despise myself, deny any love that is shown to me, lose faith towards everyone, deny forgiveness, making me question my own existence. Well, I guess with angels, come along demons too.

The Ultimate Goal

Every year, I keep saying this to myself, my personal quest to be normal. Normal as in to just be like every other Tom, Dick & Harry. Less psychotic or eccentric. I don't mind standing out, it's just that I really want to decrease the peculiar side in me, to fit in...um, how do I say this? Oh yes, I have this habit of talking to myself, or acting out conversations my way, that should have been, or would be. Maybe if a child did such things, it would be called 'play pretend'..But an eighteen year old? That's one thing to reduce...Another would be thinking too much. Especially of morbid things. Like, what if she died this way, or how would my funeral be? I also need to keep my emotions in check, I cry too much...I really need to be less manic-depressive.

On another note, there is this quirky part; crying no matter how hard I try to stop or prepared beforehand, for an interview of any sort. I believe this stemmed back from my kindergarden days. Well, I was very mischievous (more to devilish) and was often brought in to see the headmistress. From those days onwards, I had a fear of interrogation..haha.

Lastly, I need to rid myself of self-critique. A visiting counselor in my school kept pressing on for an appointment but I kept avoiding her, saying that I'm busy with homework and SPM (Haha, a white lie to save my day) Apparently, she said that it can destruct one's mental strength or...I dunno, I wasn't really paying attention. Oh yeah, that's another thing too.

Intake A49

Orientation sucks...I know the student council was trying their very best, but I had uterus cramps the whole damn 2 days! Couldn't find anymore Uphamol300 to treat my migraine. Alright, usually people suffer PMS before it really happens, but it just hadda happen on my first day, and I really wasn't in the mood to do anymore networking. It was freezing cold, but I was sweating like a dog ( Do they really sweat? anyway...)

Tried befriending some girls. (The boys were keeping to themselves, others were stuck in their own cliques formed way before orientation started). Found a nice Malay girl, (can't remember her name, and I bet she can't remember mine too) and two best friends who are joining me in E.Lit class (forgot theirs too, sorry!)...found out the former was a year younger than me, so that's why I could get along with her so easily. Sadly, she's doing all arts subjects...so the odds of me having a class with her is kinda low.

Then the best thing happened yet today!! On the way up, I saw...(nah, it can't be..)..well, whaddaya know, it's Miss.Angel! The Australian Chindian who looks like an Indian is studying ADP (liberal arts) YAY! Spent the whole afternoon with her catching up on stuff, and later hung out with another old church buddy who's my senior in A-levels. Angel's so LUCKY! The Malay girl & I saw this really good-looking foreigner (we thought he was a Brit) who came in our orientation by mistake. Later found out from Angel he's a Russian!! (Gotta borrow the Russian-language-for-dummies book from my tour-guide uncle) Hehee~Looks like the sarong-party-girlishness in me ain't dead yet.

The big bang

"Lips stained red from New Year's wine.."

Okay, so this happened awhile ago. Maybe it won't seem to be very important for anyone else, but it was a very significant event in my life!!

I finally did it. Yes, the one people love to use against you, to classify you as the bimbo China doll. I've got the bangs! Straight cut it is, I don't know what I was thinking when I did it.
After all, I've been keeping my 'curtains' for over 5 years. Now, my blogger profile picture looks exactly like me.