2005 at a glance

It's been a hell of a year. Another one more changing points in my life...the fact that I can just talk to ANYONE now.Before this I used to be; having doubts about my confidence, nervous, having stage-frights..blablabla..the list goes on. But now, I have no problem communicating with anyone at all..hahaha~ And I'm actually quite happy with myself now about the way I turned out to be.

The other big turning point in my life was when I was 10 years old. I couldn't find any friends then since I was streamed into the best class..which was notorious for its snobbish & bitchy ( yea, at 10 years old, some girls can be BITCHY) inhabitants. I was feeling alone, an outsider. It's nice knowing that you qualify being in the first class, but I couldn't take it at all.. So I ventured out in the dark side of the town..mixed with new people from other schools. Entered my first ( childish) gang and had my first fight ( and my first defeat).. I built my personality from there. Building a hard shell on the outside was compulsary for me to withstand all the bullying and name-calling.. I grew stronger as the years pass by..with its ups and DOWNS teaching me what to do and not to do. All this play an important role now because it teaches me the do's & don'ts in social interactions without hurting my ego in any way..

Now at 17 years old..as 7 years has passed..I smile when I think of the years I struggle to be known by all, to be popular in my own way..doing things God would frown upon, things my classmates would never approve at any degree at all. I laugh when I think back on how immature my actions and thoughts were in the past. Do I regret? No..though there are some things I wish I could change in my past years...all the bitter sweet crap..hahaha~

January
-Met new classmates. The froghead is unfortunately in the same class with me..
-Joined PTM tuition again for the 4th year..met two people there in which one of them
would change my life forever
-Got fired as the Ketua Hari by the corrupt Libarian AJK

February
-Settled in class comfortably..drifting away from the preppy friends to the fun ones.
-Finally quit church choir ( now I thank myself for that, the CM found someone new to
bully)

March
- School hosted Kajang zone debate..hang out and got closer to the Saujana ppl
-Flunked my theory Grade 8..now I don't know if I should continue or not..

April
-Parents left to Rome for 8 days..8 days of using the net after 12am..hahaha
-HELP institute debate with High school Made 3 new friends! (JH, Ragu & MJ)
-Librarian interview for elections..sucked at it
- Lost terribly to the Yong from High School at scrabble..the rest of the matched were fine.

May- the terrible biking accident..ouch

June
-HELP debate again! The same day my mom went to collect my red-marked report card..
-Got over my 5 year crush! Finally..with some help from MJ

July
-Got elected as the Head Dicipline for school library..bitchin' about it all month..haha
-Stress! Too many exams in a months for me to handle

August
-Less Stage fright after a big blow to my ego
-First time behind a wheel! Go-kart that is..

September
-Finals are near! And as usual Michelle's not prepared for it! ( This year this will
change)

October
-Got caught for skipping class for the second time..Damn PTM
-House got burgled the day he asked me to go out with him..the guilty feeling.ah~
-Became an item with that guy..hehee..some might say we're going a lil' too fast.
-Went to Cambodia..haha..so happy to see Jia Hui jealous..

November
-Went out for movie with a guy for the 1st time!!! Well, in a gang actually
-Mom found out about our relationship..we sorta broke up..lol..
-My birthday passed without much hype.. :p/:(

December
-Officially broke up with the guy..so regretful I didn't do it first..
- Met so many new ppl at Sunny Yee's intensive SPM course..and new numbers in my
phone book..hahahaha~ ;D
-Spent New Year's Eve in the car of my friend while listening to rock junk on her
handphone outside the church

And now it's January 2006...What's a new year without any resolutions?

1-I'm single, hot and ready to mingle...hahaha
2-No more risky, fast relationships..
3-Study on a regular basis & stick to it!!!!
4-Meet more people and go out more..
5-Be nicer..not only in trains and buses..hahaha
6-Save money for shopping and to buy dream handphone (Sony Erricson W800i)
7-Be more active in church..
8-7 has always been my lucky number so I'll stick to it..lol

I just found out that Jia Hui is 16 years old just like me!!!! Well, technicaly, he's 17 this year..but wow..this is shocking to me after all..Damnit, and to think I treated him like a senior..Damn PTS..I could've skipped one year of school as well, but my ickle-fickle mind prevented me..hahaha..

Culture cross

Last Thursday, I (sort of) celebrated the Tang Yuen festival with my mom at home. We didn't really celebrate it in the traditional way..my mother just bought the prepacked rice ball dough from the market and boiled in it sweet pandan-&-rock sugar syrup. Only the both of us ate it. My brother was more interested in his "Judgement Day" show on TechTV. What really made my mother celebrate was the fact that I reminded her days before the festival. She was rather surprised because:

-I was never really keen on it..

-This daughter who isn't really supportive of her own race is suddenly talking about making rice balls..well, they do call me the blood-betrayer.But it was my mother who ignited the flame in me. Yes, I support my Chinese counterparts anytime, but why do you think we're living in Malaysia for? If my mother is thinking of the benefits, she might as well pack her bags and move back to China where our distant relatives are.

My mother discriminates. No, I'm not proud of it at all because I believe we're all the same creatures created by God, in different colours, sizes and personalities. That's all. I mix with my Indian friends and my Malay friends more than I do with my blood cousins? Why? I find that the Indians are the least racist among all the races and that the Malays are more willing to step down from their pedestals and mix with anyone at all! I have some decent Chinese friends who do not discriminate..I guess it's in the blood of most of the orients..don't we just love to critizise? I guess that's my mother's speciality..hahaha.

I'm ranting on my mother on the hope that she finds this post to change her ways once and for all...I'm getting tired of her nagging me on why I have all this weird friends and why I attract the wrong attention all the time..Sorry to those I offended..but I am proud of being a Chinese. Heck, I have the blood of the emperor's imperial warriors..hahaha~

In the past years I'd usually go to my wai poh's house just to savour the sweet rice balls in its delicate pink and white colours. But my (thrifty-minded) mother will just go there because my wai-poh usually prepared lunch with it..Y'kno..the usual Chinese cuisine; braised pork ribs, steamed chicken, fish..Well, compared to my mother's, I wouldn't mind eating my wai-poh's cooking the same thing everyday..I can match her, not my mother..no one could match her in knowing the right amount of ingredients or time needed to prepare the perfect dish..
But this year, I guess she got tired of making the balls ( pardon the pun) so she decided to just make some for praying..I heard from a fellow blogger that the Tang yuen is made as an offering to the messenger in the hope that it will create a good impression of the family when he delivers the message to the heavens..

My family is not really keen on this stuff because we belong to the Christian faith. So I try my best to be proud of my culture I guess. Merry Christmas eve to you all!!
P/s: Do not eat Tang yuen when cold. Disgusting.

It's the season of the year!

Kajang has never been so busy before as far as I remember. The town is infested with people..all typical Malaysians doing their last-minute back to school & Christmas shopping. I've done my Christmas shopping already though this year I started a little later than usual. I know, I know..year-end stuff's prices will cut down with ridiculous discounts and all.
The main point of buying gifts early in the year is for the hope that the recepients would not be able to find out on how much you spent on their gifts AND they cannot make an exchange for what you gave them..(bwahaha)

Time goes too fast though. Next year, I'm already sitting for the big test. SPaM. And ready for my driving license ( no hope to ride a motorbike. The overbearing parents won't let me). But the most important thing is I'm turning 17!The senior year of the goverment schools..That's one more year to the legal age.One more year of school. Sigh..So I decided to make up the most of my school life next year..do everything I wanted to finish before school ends..Have awards and stuff like that. Prepare a list of things to do like the one below...

Things-to-do 2006

1. Get a new knapsack ( mom saw the same design in the market for half the price..dammit)
2. Make sure I'm well known by all in the school.
3. Make sure I'm remembered as the trouble-maker in school..the weird coolest girl..
4.Skip school on purpose. ( the only time I played hookey was language competions & sickdays)
5. Work a little harder on my studies.
6.Start finishing my homework. ( o_0)
7. Make more friends by being friendlier and less sarcastic.

The Blogging on the wall

Recently I've doing nothing much on the world wide web...except visting some excellent sites such as my good friend's blog & the hilarious Mr. Kenny Sia's blog. I've been doing some comparing between their blogs & my blog. Obviously, theirs would beat me hands down. And don't even start on thinking that I could beat Mr. Kenny's blog. His won the best blog of 2005..

Kenny Sia's was voted blog of the year at the recent Project Petaling street (PPS) aniversary gathering. His blog is a hilarious at life ( and sometimes the lives of others in the blogging community) of the kuching Native. Wacky. Funny. Crude.

Jia Hui's didn't win anything yet..he could win something if he joined the list of blogs in PPS.Honestly his blog is very..like him. Smart. Crude. Witty humor. Bizzare. Eccentric (sometimes). Pompous hahaha..He posts about his view on the recent events and things that ought to be looked into. And a bit on himself.

Mine? Is basicly a inview to my life. Nothing else. Why? Because I think my life is different from others, bizzare and unique as I am. And because of (my big fucking egocentric self) because I think that my life is so special, that I should start a blog on it and everyone who visits my blog would know about it. Hah. who am I kidding? Who would want to read on my life? Who would want to read on anyone's life? Usually those people are those with no blogs of their own, or they have nothing else better to do. I'm too lazy to write on a book. I view my blog as a personal diary which i can share with everyone. Shit. i'm contrasting myself again.

Bitter Sweet? SWEET !!!

My first breakup was what most people would desire for. A hassle free, heartbreak free, quick call over the phone. I did cry a bit...but it would be inhuman to not even shew a bit of emotion would it? All it did was a simple phrase of " I don't think we can be together anymore.." It was a bit shocking though. He showed no sign no hints, nothing! I actually thought he was predictable. Guess I was wrong...It all came so sudden. After 1.5 months of being together.. ( some ppl actually thought that was quite long) it just couldn't work out between us I guess. We just weren't compatible with each other. Everything was a blur, everything was happening to fast for me to digest. I only did it for the sake ofbeing in a relationship..as an act of rebellion towards my parents..The only thing I'm regretting now is that I didn't break up with him first...So much for his promise ofbeing my life partner hahaha...we'll just end up being good friends for the rest of our life? No one knows for sure. Now I'm free as a swinging single again..titter, oh the pompous laughter..

Damn the boring holidays again..

Gee..can my mom make the boring holidays worse? Yes she can! She signed me up for The Star 'Sunny yee's intensice SPM class' this December. Worse of all, she denied my request to be put into PTM again for its intensive class this December.Well apart from rebising and preparing for my SPm, the main reason why I want to join PTM is because of 2 things. One, I don't get much freedom to visit my friends. Two, I need to hang out with my friends or I'll go crazy!!! Life of a part-time socialite sucks.

Happy days are here again~

Well, about the last post...my mom wanted me to break up the relationship. It was too simple...irresistable!! All I had to do is not call him from my house anymore and him to do the same.Thank the government for public phones.After SPM, we're gonna break it to her. ( Frankly, I wanna savour the look on her face when the truth is told..)

Speaking of which, my wildest dream has come true!! Well, no..it's not a new handphone or something. I'm allowed to drop Add Maths for my SPM!!! Finally, I'll be able to sit for my exams without dread or fear. Now i can concentrate more on the Big-3, History and Maths. After all, what I'm going to do after I leave school has nothing to do with mathematics nor has it to do with science. A little bit of general knowledge is okay I guess, so I'll bear with my teacher in a while.

Is it just me, or am I really lucky these days? Nah, it's just me. My parents are thinking of moving to PJ for its convenient location and shit. Probably next year or the year after next. I don't mind moving and all..I'd like to move rather. Though I'm having doubts in me again, I really want to move..the faster the better.Why?

Pros.# Co-ed school, New friends of differant genders and races, New room, more freedom, less responsibility,
and I'll be able to give up my posts of librarian dicipline head, treasurer for Taekwando and
English language society! Plus, the schools in PJ are known for their good English. What better place to
hone my skills? i'd fit right in~

Cons.# I'll miss all my friends in Kajangville!! Especially that guy. He's moving to High School next year so he
can see me more often..and now I'm moving.Geez. I like the church here. We got the best and coolest
youths around...

Well I guess the pros sound more lucrative so yeah, I'm all for it. Besides, there are ways to get to my hometown with ease. Yup, the holidays are really getting into me. :)

Black hearts again

So they finally found out. Hahaha.
It's not his fault..More to mine.
But 3 calls in a day? Any idiot would've guessed something was going on...

He said not to call him & he would not call me anymore.
He said to stop for the moment and concentrate on our studies..
He said we'll be majors after we reach 18.
He said not to forget him, as he will never forget me.
He said he will always love me, and I will always too.

I wonder if I want to hold on, if I have to wait that long.

My source of joy, attention, comfort, care,warmth, protection & love is gone.
I don't find any of those at home, why did you think I was so eager to look elsewhere?
Depression was slowly pulling me closer and closer into insanity...

My mom would beg to differ, she will say 'I Love you more than anything".
I know she does, deep down inside.But can't she step down her pedestal for once and show her daughter a show of affection? Can't she humble herself, forget her pride, and help the daughter who missed feeling loved? I know she has others in the family she has to care for, but surely not to the extend of completely forgetting her duty as parent to this still fragile and broken child?

Why let others suffer just because you had the same fate in your time? Is it because you felt it wasn't fair that you had to go through the pain yourself and not others? I am your daughter. Not another person in your life as you have always treated me. Why take away my only source of joy & love if you cannot take the step to show it to me?

If you want to change, please don't. I will only find it unorthodox and strange that this woman I knew for years has decided to change after so long being ignorant of the other person's need.

My Red date turned sour...hahaha~

The big day out? Pah!

More like his day out...But I couldn't (haha) blame him because he hasn't seen his ex-classmates for ages..
I regretted being too clear in what I feel because I thought I was frightening some of my mates there.
But the movie was a big disappointment. The1st,2nd Harry potter movies were much better than this piece of shit for 150 minutes.
"What's that? Excellent? You must be off your chump, love.."
apparently, Mr.I'm-such-a-big-fan-of-HP disapproved with my ideas on the movie. Thankfully, Mr. Samuel stood behind my back there and then.

Obviously, I was the black sheep of the whole excursion group. It was just supposed to be me, him and a close friend of ours...But it wasn't my fault...My mom didn't like the idea that I was going to hang out with just boys for a full 10 hours.So we had to rope in with the big excursion gang from close friend's class.15 in total. They went bowling after the movie. And I, the stupid one resorted to staying back just to be with him after getting the Harry Potter and Narnia books. I hate bowling, no matter how tempting the gameboy version by Namco is. I could've used the time to get my shopping done, but nooo~I stayed back to find out that the consort just went out a while to be with some other friends. Damn it, I might sound desperate and all, but what can a girl who hasn't seen her man for more than a week do? He noticed my dismay as we left the bowling alley to get lunch at 5pm.I didn't feel like I had the appetite. So I told the gang my mother expected me to be home by 6pm. He hurried after me, and said sorry for that.I mumbled a fake"you're forgiven" shit ( I still pride myself that I managed to say that) and said a sorry to him too for being such a jerk.

Later, I met my 'galfriends' at the train station with the froggirl clearly trying to avoid me. Did I get home on time? No. My mom picked me up at 6.10pm. But she didn't say anything because I went back with the girls she considers as my best friends. After what happened yesterday, I might want to consider that term again..hmm.

Aside that, he told his mom that he was dating a Chinese girl, namely me. His mom was overjoyed ( so I heard ) and even asked "how are you" over the phone. Gee, why can't my mom be more like that? He said that if she finds out, he will see to it personally. Which was what I was afraid of. So he concluded that after SPM, we'll come clean through with both sides...I stifled an answer. In my mind, I thought that would only happen if we last that long. I'm having my frequenting doubts again. ha-ha.Sometimes, even my own mind amuses me.

I'm going to the movies~ Yahoo!

My mom has finally allowed me to go out! This calls for a personal celebration with me, myself & I. I'll tell you why, I managed to convince her that the guys I hang out with are just ordinary mama's boys. So I'll be enjoying myself by watching the latest movie HP4. Turns out 'consort' is a BIG fan of Harry Potter himself.

I also convinced that if I bring a girl along, she'll most probably be more of a nuisance.I'm sorry my dear friends who are reading this but I would have to tend to her feelings & insecurities of being left out and bored. I'm speaking in spite of myself. Yet, I don't feel guilty to betray my own kind. You know why?? Girls are so freaking annoying and talkative all the time. I mean, some of them are alright of course, but I hate girls who talk crap and most of their conversations end up with nothing to it. You know why? All these 'girls' talk about is about the drama or movie they watched, what these girl/boy said to them or the clothes they're wearing...I hate conversing with these vain and ignorant sort of girls. All their conversations are total stupidity and bimbo-ness. Can't they change a bit? Talk about something more intelligent for a change.

Some of you may say that I'm contradicting myself...Yes, I admit that I talk to these girls sometimes, but it's mainly for my benefit. Once they drone about nothing, I respond by smiling and giving occasional 'oohs and aahs or really, what happened?' How to do that? Easy. Look at their facial expression and body language. If she's moving her hand animatedly, she's talking about something funny/amusing. Respond by instinct. Boys can use these on girls. Girls I mentioned above can use this to stop yourself from boring others to death with your stupidity and ignoramus attitude!!! You might be able to spot the faker; most of them use the above basic rules. Don't get mad at them, they're trying to be nice to you. Instead, stop talking, read up on newspapers/ encyclopedias and start acting intelligent. As a member of the females, you shouldn't do anything like the above mentioned to shame our clan...enough said, I'm starting to sound like a preacher. But after all, it's my blog and I can say what I want on it. Don't like it? Ignore it.

It was the 'BEST" birthday EVER!!!

YEAH~ I had SOOO much fun. You know what I did? I washed the clothes and I did the dishes and went for a music class and did the groceries. Then I came back to cut a cake with the wrong spelling of my name at home when I should be better off hanging out with my friends.
I hate this birthday. So much for 'sweet 16'. Haha.
At least some people cheered up my day by calling me to say a happy birthday. Especially the call from beloved. Yeah, apart from that. Everything was boring. No presents becuase I had spent overRM60 in Cambodia. Fuck lah. It's really getting on my nerves I tell ya. Oh well, at least my mom is paying for my rebonding session. Good enough for me.

happy Birthday to me~

Oh yeah, the day I expected to come has came. I'm not wishing for anything else except for a Handphone ( preferably a Sony erricson model K70..something like that, mom if you're reading this, you know what to do) She couldn't even wish me a Happy Birthday..she has to say that my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. Saddening as it may be, as least there's no embarresing moments this birthday because I'm not having a party this year. The reasons? Simple. I'm bored of the same ritual every year. Cake, pizza, watermelon, pictures & glass ornament and junk as presents. Ho-hum. Another reason is that if I have a party, I will have to choose between the 'galfriends' from my school and the homies from the street. My mom would approve more of the girls ( that old fashioned, racist, sex discriminating- party pooper..) but frankly, I would have more fun with my homies from the street ( specifically the boys) I don't know. I just find that they are more fun to be with than girls. Must be that boyish side in me.

Girls are evil. I just can't stand them. I can't stand myself even! Life is just so cruel.

Can't wait for tommorow~

Whee~ I can't wait to go to Cambodia tommorow~

I'm gonna have a huge shopping spree to update my style according to the latest and have a slumber party with my cousins every night..oh, I'm sorry. I haven't updated my blog for ages.So pretty much happened between that time gap which I will summarize below.

-I did quite well in my exams, got nominated for best student in Literature in english, and a distinction in the New South Wales University International english Proficiency test. ( Only 2 in my school got distinction~ I was one of em'. a percentile of 94% :)) Like I said earlier, my mom already bought the tickets so my hard earned sucess is rewarded with more lecturing and simple praises ( which are rare in my house) such as "Good job, keep up the good work" Fuck.Bullshit. I think she only remembered to praise me after pointing out to her in a confrontation that all I hear from her are insults, lectures, sarcastic remarks, more lectures and things I already know.I asked for a change. Well, better something than nothing. I gotta learn to be more gracious. :P

-My house was buglered and all my savings ( RM10,000.Passports also taken. So we had to go to the immigration office to apply for an emergency passport. It was actually my fault because I forgotten to switch on the parameter lights. Alarm was switched on, but the fuckers didn't even trigger that fuckin' thing. And to imagine, I was supposed to stay alone that night in the house.brrr

-The one has finally appeared~And no, this is not one of the sick boys I had a crush on. This one is quite the good/mama's boy. And this one made the first move! How much more can I ask for? More than I expect. He even told me he fell for me the first time he met me, told his mom about me..blablabla~I even tried to scare him away by telling him that once I'm in a relationship, I tend to get possesive, jealous and Obsessive. He says he doesn't mind. So we're in a relationship now. I think I falling for him.Yup, I'm happy. But my parents are not in the know. So I hope if they find out, they will be ready to accept this and be a lil' more open-minded. After all, they don't know how much their daughter misses being pampered, cared for, paid attention and loved. I enjoy the feelling. Makes me so happy.Not mushy.Yuck, Michelle the freak will never get mushy and lovey-dovey...

My Bad Day

I just thought ofit as a nice way to relax after the great 14 days of exams and misery; to go the mall to do stuff. It happens to fall on my tuition day. I didn't want to skip it, but I didn't think that I would be able to be in time for tuition if I took the train back early anyway. So I got screwed. When I walked to tuition, my mom was there already. She sped of when I started walking towards the car.when I chased the fucking car, did she stop? Nooo..Maybe she did it on purpose. So I called home. She screamed and didn't want to talk to me saying to go for confession and stuff like that. Damn. So I took the bus home and faced the music; while giving them the most difficult promise; not to skip tuition anymore. This wasn't the first time. (second) The first time I skipped I got reported to by a very annoying pest of a boy from class. I learned two things:

1.That I am not good at playing hookey or giving a reasonable excuse to cover it up...
2. I didn't get what I wanted to buy; Black nailpolish..c'mon, the whole damn Megamall didn't have one stinking Black nailpolish??? I need to replenish my stock of gothic products..

If that wasn't bad enough, I got Half of my Biology and History paper today and man it sucked. I don't want to know what I got, really. I must have done badly because the History teacher even embraced me and gave me hope, saying that there is a chance to improve my Subjective writing skills.Man, I must have sucked because usually, that teacher is not that compassionate.All I'm hoping for is not to fail anything and to get all the As I planned to get in my stronger subjects.And that my mom cooled down by the time I reveal to her my exam results...

Freedom!!!!

Well..That's until I get my results back. I think I did exceptionally well. In Michelle's term, exceptionally means no failures, some 1As here and there..And maybe some 3Bs and the rest are Ds and Cs.. But I have more confidence now..Except in add maths..And to think I was boasting about my Add maths skills in class before.

If I get Good marks for the report card, I'll be able to follow my family to Cambodia to visit my cousins..But to tell you the truth, my parents already bought the economy class tickets.Everytime they talk about it, I just act plain dumb and blur. Or maybe they already forgot about the deal. No worries. I get the good out of it. ;)

Shit, shit and more shit!!!! ( nothing to do with human waste!)

Bullshit. i'm having my exams now and I'm still using the net..I guess it's just a way to cheer me up after the disastrous Add maths paper..I thought i wouldn't have much problems...guess lady luck is looking away today. So i guess i'll have my privilages taken away and I'll have to fork out cash to use the net for the rest of my school days. TV would be a luxury then...and I won't be able to visit my cousins in Cambodia..:(
It's not that bad actually..i might have a chance to pass if I do well in the First paper tommorow. Science subjects suck as usual...I'm betting on Ds and Cs if I'm lucky. But I don't want to fail...guess I'll have to study harder..my exam is until the next Friday..Mannn~ this is gonna be crazy..i'm only studying on the day itself...

Once again.. in deep shit~

Yeah, the finals are coming and as usual..(Michelle will never dissapoint you all) I'm not ready for it! Ha haha.. I take one look at the Form 3 and Form 5 preparing for their PMR and SPM and I'm already feeling sick. It's not that I can't study, I can~ I can do anything and finish it once I start on it. Problem is, I don't want to start on this one. I hate studying. It's the last thing on my list.

But one thing is for sure that I'm much better prepared now..My add maths is in top shape and so are my science subs..but I'm worried bout the outcomes, y'know? Teachers already confessed that the exam is going to HARD..but they had also leaked out the questions that are coming out at the same time..hee hee hee

So wish me luck on this and let's see if I can weasel herself outta this. Once I finish the exams and get my full-attendence certificate, I'm gonna play hookey and enjoymyself to the max!!!! hahahaha~ But that also means that I'll be using the net at a less frequent rate now since my exams are for two weeks long.So bear with me.. Don't worry, I will find a way out of this mess..hehehe.

I admit it.. I am under depression.

I miss happiness. It's been a while since I got to feel. Yeah, sure.. you might see me laughing my head off at a very lame joke or smiling at you, not expecting you to smile back..but inside I'm tearing up my heart again and again. Helen idea's is right; if I weren't a Christian, I would have killed myself looong time ago. Then I'll kill myself again and again in hell..brrr...

My friend says it's change and you'll have to learn to go through it slowly and steadily.But for how long? I don't mind change but this is a little too much for me to handle. Already I got school exams and rivalry but this??? I really can't take it no more. I'm beginning to doubt my friends..are they really true friends..or fiends... I don't know how to differ between good and bad anymore. My guardian angel's the only one guiding me around my decision making.

It's the little things that keep me going on and on. Not the shrink, not the friends, not the things my parents loan me...it's the..well, the little things that happened around me. I know I'm supposed to be happy over the multiple posts I got voted for on curriculum day..which brings in more work. Yeah that's about it. No one can help me unless I help myself first. The nearing final exam is the least of my worries now. If I keep going on like this, I might really go insane this time round. I can't blame anyone this time except myself.

Life is just but a candle...Nah~

I'm sick of life. It's all about unexpected twists and turns coming outta nowhere.If you asked me, I would rather change my life with someone normal. I mean, yeah...so I'm different. There IS something wrong with me. I think like a boy, I act like one... My childhood contributed to this I think.You see, when i was young, I have been snobbed by girls my age and teased mercilessly. so what the heck? I just went over to the dark side...the boys...And there it all started.Man, wouldn't it be nicer to be born as Michael the boy? Better be careful with what I wish..anyway, if I was a boy, my childhood might have been vice-versa.( y'know what I mean,heh heh)

But there is a good side to everything I guess.All the things that happened to me is God's way of building who I am.This is part of a growing process I guess. I'm a girl, and hell yeah I like the way I am made out to be! *BUM*Bizzare, Unique and Mischevous! ( snap,snap,snap!) I am PROUD of who I am. Michelle the annoying and freaky one. But currently, I'm surrounded by a midst of confusion as in who I really wanna be... I could be Michelle the snot; Michelle the bitch ; Michelle the techno geek; Michelle the gangsta' ho; or the lonely and original me.Yeah, and let my everyday thoughts and guilts torment me each day to insanity.Hell, yeah. It's all about Michelle here in this blog.

It's over already??

Ah yes, the damn holidays are over.And yes I did enjoy it. I've done so many things I wanted to do before without embarrasing myself.Yep. Genting, the city of entertaiment.That's sort of like Las Vegas and Disneyland all rolled up into one..ya'll know what I mean. They got all sorts of heart-stopping rides there..and I've officially and finally qualified for ALL the rides there.Yep.I'm finally above 152 cm.Hail to the growing bones!!!

152 cm/1.52 m.That's the minimum height required for the most restricted ride in that themepark..the go-kart racing. I'm not saying that the track there is good or anything..well frankly, it sucked.And there wasn't enough space for me to pass ( potong in Malaysian language) the other cars and the 2nd out of 3 times I tried the thing, I chose the wrong car and all the cars took over me.In the end I ended up from 1st position to 7th position.That sucks.But I immensely enjoyed it.And I can't wait to do it again the next time.

Oh boy, I tried rock climbing this morning after having too much sugar in my cup of tea. It was cheap.RM4. But I chosen the wrong trac...er..wall scale to climb up. There was this stupid round mound of plastic blocking my way in the middle of that wall.I stood there for almost 5 minutes.The crowd which gathered to watch begin to disperse according to my wussy brother. I had to stop. So I let go and scaled down.One little boy thought I tripped and fell and started laughing. I mean, c'mon..this is my 1st try.I am gonna try it again the next time.Block or not.

Well thank you for listening to my shit on the things I wasted my time on during this holiday. I said 'wasted' because I'm supposed to finish up my Biology reports & the additional maths project which is to be handed in by Monday.I have no intention of starting.It's the intuition that's annoying me to start on it.So see ya later...

It's the fucking holidays!!! Woo-Hoooo~

Yeah, what the fuss..it's only lasting a week..And it's almost up.I didn't think it's worth anything cuz' I didn't do any shopping except window shopping this week..Did I say That?? Arghh..I'm really turning into something I sworn not to be a few years back..a bitch-ass ho. I mean, yeah...it's not as bad as some other ho's I know...but I'm really starting to hate myself.Few years back I idolized the punk style and attitude..now I'm gearing into Hip-hop shit.Fuck it.I hate it. So I'm turning into a gangsta' ho, a thug consort..ha-ha-ha. But I do like the reputation it gives me round the red light districts.. People look at me and try not to disturb me.Only some fools still wolf-whistle and do some other shit which I would not like to discuss here, mind ya.

I'm not bragging ...it's just something that's been happening since the start of this year. But I still listen to my guardian angel for advice.He's really good, & I thank God for giving me the best guardian angel I can ever get. He stops me from doing things I would regret later years in my life.He helps me ace my test especially when I didn't study the night before. Mike is the only guy that would cling at my side even during my dark ages. No one else cares for me that much.Not even my family.But he says that I'm the one not loving them enough..I'm not giving them the chance to know me, to love me..But I don't want them to know me.It would shock them to know the real me I've turned into after all these years of secluding myself from my family.

But then again, my brother is getting to understand how I live.At least there's someone I can identify with in my family. He's as weird, jerk and insolent as I am.Though he has a very bad temper...but yeah, he's my brother. There's only one of 'em around.Oh how I freakin' love my brother..hehe..such a lame idiot I am.

Breaking outta the shell !!!

Damn it ! I feel so good.I'm finally outta depression.( well, for a moment. It will come back soon.) I aced my monthly test!! I passed my Add Maths and Maths with a 4B grade.Physics-4B,Chemistry-5C, and Biology is still at a standstill of a D.Blast it.

It might not be top class for you all out there, but it's good enough for me...After my disastrous Mid-term exam marks, I'm ready for anything better.I haven't told my mom my marks yet. I want to sort of keep it as a surprise.I hope she'll cancel the grounding (30 minutes of computer per week).But when I hinted to her about how well I done, she didn't give a damn! That's it. No more telling anything to anyone.I am bloody well keeping my secrets intact. Not even to my so-called friends ( I'd rather call them class-mates/colleagues).I've lost trust in them long ago.So there's something new.I will not trust anyone anymore for as long I am ...single. Yeah, let's keep it safe first.Ha-ha.

About the breaking outta the shell thing.Yeah, recent pains and disasters a have really fired up my charisma. My stage fright has seem to lessen by the days. I do hope it's completely gone in time for my 2nd oral.For a lecturer's daughter, I am really quite an embarrassment.

I'm thinking of starting a book blog...for books I have read and rumours, & other shiznit I've heard about.Right.I need all the encouragement I can get...from my beloved books.Ya-boo.

Great.Exams tommorow.And guess what, mom said she'll stop me from ALL tuitions if I don't improve because that clearly shows that the classes don't help me at all.But what the heck.I haven't studied at all.I'm only worried about my Maths and history.I hope I can pass all my papers this time.Not so worried bout modern maths cuz' I'm familiar with the topics that are coming out.

LIfe is so depressing these days.Friends are getting harder to tolerate.But still, I keep reminding myself that this is just God's lesson in my growing process...but why is it so hard??? Damnation!!

Exams are a bunchful of ****

It's exam season again..Hoorah! Let's review what I got coming.

18 July 2005 - SWU English proficiency test
28 July- 3 August 2005 -School monthly exam
31 July 2005- Taekwando exam
6 August 2005 - Bible quiz
19 August 2005- Piano Practical Exam..
Somewhere in october-Finals..

Why wasn't I born later????Damnation!!!!

Bountiful bouts of depression...

Hooray..I got the head discipline post instead of the head I wanted.Oh well, at least I don't have to do my duty anymore... :D All I need to do is peek in every now and then ..So, the real thing that happened was that the Form 5 AJKs decided to give the teachers the power to choose the head.Good bye Head post! Initially, I predicted the library teacher would choose her dog, & I was right! Oh how the AJK under her gloated. But actually, the teachers decided that I didn't have the strenght to handle the job and that it would be too much stress for me.Bull.

And I had to go for a 1-on-1 interview with my English teacher to discuss my unhappiness. ( Shit, I shouldn't have mentioned that in my oral) And two of my caring friends stayed back. Yeah,yeah.. they were being true friends...( teacher, can I go now? ) but they had to comment on my trustfulness. They brought up that I don't share any secrets or problems with them ( Bulls, who wants to share with you? ) I don't like sharing anything with anyone. Save for boys and Helen,my best friends.

Boys are much more trustworthing than girls. They don't betray your trust like my ex-friend did. They share plenty of interests with me. Besides, I've been mixing with boys since I was in kindergarden. Girls are snobs.Yet, I still like being a girl.( Can you imagine me as Michael the boy? Yuck) But I am reallygetting bored with this damn school. I want change. Since I can't move to High School, I'm highly considering Saujana Impian...lol.

Disaster !!!

Monthly exam is 3 weeks away..Taekwando exam is 2 weeks away..piano exam is a month away..SWU English Proficiency test is 1 week away...Oh how I wish to turn back time where I don't need to study to score and A..So my goals for now...

GOALS
1.Get more than 3 1As.
2.Pass my Add maths.
3.Not fail in any subject this time.
4.Get 1A in Literature
5.Stop thinking so much about my social future!!! :P
6.Pass my practical exam.
7.Get black belt as soon as possible..no more delaying!!!
8.No more being nervous during oral or public speaking...(my weakness..I tend to ramble)

That's about it I guess..now I'm just sitting,waiting for something out of the blue to happen...something like getting a pass for my Grade 8 theory exam in music...

Yay...'no' repercussion

Yup..my mom collected my report card when I was having the time of my life at HELP institute. Maybe not the High School boys (& one girl!)...They lost to Melawati school due to the lack of emphasis on their own points..Though the arguments were good be frank, this one wasn't as good as the first round..With some cacat school from KL.The opponents were quite good and rude.The third speaker challenged the High school girl to elaborate on her point..And then after saying that she cant,cuz' it wasn't her turn. Terrible I tell ya'.I really wanted to strangle him at one point.Later I followed the High schools to the internet room to skip the debate between the defenders and SMK Derma, Perlis. After all,it's the last time I might be using the net...(non-stop using Friendster)...Later, Derma won..It seems that Subang jaya was a lil' too confident of themselves and only spoke for about 5 minutes each!

Coming back to my report card...hmm,yes. The Add maths/class teacher didn't mention anything about that crummy letter.Instead,she went on rambling about me having problems at home/school and dreaming all the time.She even had the cheek to say that I don't ask her questions..And my sweet gullible mother went on and believed her..Now, she seems to believe that I have a pychological problem or something...I think I'd rather have the repercussions..

Nuke you!

Ah, a lovely day at the nuklear factory. While others find it boring, I in fact found it rather enlightening. Besides the free pens, rubber gloves and facial masks ( made using Gamma and ionic radiation) I got to skip school for a whole day!!!Lovely,lovely day indeed it was. This was an excursion for my class' (4Berlian) EST class, y'see.

The most exciting part was...learning how the atomic bomb works and how it's made. Costly it is!! 40g of uranium! That can buy me a whole room and wadrobe makeover with Gucci stuff!! The atomic bomb works by not destructing the building.All it does is kill people within a certain range in a certain amount of time & it spreads so very quickly...Call me weird but I found it quite interesting to know how the Hiroshima bombing turned out to be so bad. Besides that, it was exciting to know that I was near a very dangerous radiation area...heck, my brother even told me not to bring back radiation as a souvenier..he he he...I almost forgot all my problems while there..until i came back to school, I was greeted with my Horrible Literature Marks...73% 2A!!! First I was the highest scoring girl..until a student found a mistake in teacher's counting and got a 75% 1A..I thought I could keep the record for some time...

Guardian Angel : You're jealous.
Michelle : I am not!!
Guardian angel : Hey, green faced, you better buck up for your next test.You used to get an A
for everything in the past.
Michelle :Yes I know...(Shrinks into background)

Torn between the things in life...

Tomorrow is Doomsday for me. You know what? It's the report card day/debate day/fund-raising day.So far I managed to weasel out of the fund-raising thing...& at the same time ,jeopardizing my chance to be Head librarian cause the debate clashes with that stupid charity! I mean...I really wanted to do this..But the Debate..T-the debate..I just can't stop watching these matches. It's like I have a weird passion for it or something.

And about the report-card, so far I've only told my mom about my English,Malay,EST,Literature,PJK & physics marks.(those were the good ones...In which I scored 1As,2As and 5/6Cs) It's terrible I tell you feeling that all your well-kept secrets are blown off in that one stupid report card!!! Fuck add Maths!!! I can't take that sub.The good thing is that I only failed one miserable subject in this Mid-Term exam. I hope that my new-found knowledge source might help me ace the add maths test in the 2nd monthly exam.

I'm deciding a good time to tell her.If I tell her now, there is a risk of her not sending me to High school to catch the bus to the debate tomorrow. So I might want to tell her tomorrow just before reaching the school. But you guys don't know my mom.She might just drop me off somewhere I don't know or bring me with her to get my report card.Brrrr..scary..Apparently, she wants to see all the teachers.And students are supposed to follow their parents to see the teachers. That is so unfortunate for her then.(hyuk,hyuk,hyuk) But she doesn't know that does she?? And I forgot to tell her that she can only see the class teacher..my Add Maths teacher...Oh,shit. i forgot about that. Remember that letter she asked my class to write on why we failed our add maths? My gang has a feeling that she's gonna use it as a reason to tell our parents,just like that.(that evil scheming teacher..mutter mutter.).So now I've got 3 1As, 2 2As,1 5C, 2 6Cs, 1 P7,2P8s and 1 Stupid 9G for ADD MATHS!!!!!!!WHYYYY WHYYYYYYYY?????? sob sob sob....

P/S: Not much emotion when I received the Add Maths paper..It's like,Oh well,get over it.It's not like you can change it or something.after all,it's just a puny 7 marks needed to pass..Just 7 more marks to get a 8P....A STINkinG FuCkiNg 7 PunY Little More marks to Pass!! ! aRHGhhhhgg!!!!

*This blog entry is dedicated to my new knowledge source,Ms.Wong :) Thank you for helping me to finally understand what the fuck I'm doing learning add Maths. After all, I don't need add maths in my future career. All I need is English,BM,Bio and Kimia/Fizik.

The terrible 7D,P8 and 9G.

Why-oh-why did my class get such horrible teachers? I'm not blaming them about their teaching style...it's their way of marking the damn paper.I mean,c'mon..in Biology, the 'datin' cut marks for missing a word or two.I barely passed that thing.The others weren't that bad..I mean it's impossible to get 1As in the Mid-Term test isn't it?..Well, maybe except English,EST and BM ( I scraped a measly 70.3 =2A) PJk and moral.By the way, about Moral...I actually got half of my marks because I did not use the format given.How am I supposed to know that you can't use point form while answering the subjective questions?! Because in the last exam, the teacher gave me marks even for Point-form answers..I'm supposed to get an 87 -1A for it...I was crying quite badly..until the teacher told me that the format changed and I will give you full marks on those questions based on your opinions..but please do not do it again. Somehow I don't feel happy cuz those marks were mercy marks.

I didn't tell my mom anything bout my marks since that day.I'm currently getting bouts of depression lately.Nothing seems good enough to cheer me up.It doesn't help that I got elected as head supervisor for a fund-raising event by the fucking commitee members of the library.I got preety fired up about it..until I got to know that it clashes with the HELP institute debate and the report card day..So I've sucessfully canceled the project..but there is a slight repercussion. This was a test given to me to see if I could handle the job of head libarian next year.I guess I blew it there..and another possibility that I might get blacklisted by the school principle for opting out at the last minute...

Another REASON why I want out of this school..I really want to go to any private institution or school..because the subs are taught in English..If I really can't, then Saujana Impian or heck..even Jb school..as long as it's not Convent. But there's something that pulls me to stay on..the fact that i hold several positions in the clubs.( important after school) and that the school was once occupied by nuns and the school itself is next to the church..so I can go every mornig to the adoration room....

It all comes down to zilch.. 0_o

I'm really addicted to holidays! (Duh,who isn't?) Anyway i'm having a great time..preparing my projects and delaying my homework.Life as a student really sucks.On the contrary,I'm currently playing Link in the legend of Zelda game on the GameBoy Advance emulator.Also surfing the net....all this holidays really making me out of ideas.So I just designed some surfboards for the Ralph lauren contest & also writing a fictional story to win myself a Harry Potter book and a night's stay at a 5-star hotel...

It's that boring..so most of the time I'm dreaming..and drawing comics..playing with the computer and Playstation2...I really need to get to the library..Maybe I'll ask my mom to bring me there.Later.Gotta go interview a speech therapist for my science project...

Holla-day!!!

Finally exam is OVER!!!! (nothing to do with that silly Lindsay bitch song,mind ya) Still I can't resist the fact that I'm gonna lose my privelages which compromise of the computer and tv hours..I can make up for the net in the cafes and tv? Who needs tv..(sob* I do..) all I will miss are the Drew Carey shows and My beloved MTV music videos and serials and...Oh Gawd I can't lose my TV hours...I better pray that I'll get exeptional results for my exam..Exceptional for my Mom that is..she already said she will take away all my privalages (I'm still ok as long as she doesn't take away my beloved Boombox and cassetes and CDs..) if I come back with my horrendous marks..

I still can't get the concept of Add/modern maths and I'm losing my touch on normal maths..And I haven't mentioned anything about the horrible biology have I? I'm quite Ok with the other subs..(i'm best in English language,Literature,EST) Though I'm not soo confident of my Physics,history,Chemistry...It's all in The Malay Language! I wish I could go to an international school to learn all this shit in English..I can assure you that my marks will go over the tops!

Oh the joy of getting sedated...

My dad's finally back from Rome after about 6 months..And he's going off to Sudan next week.Hoo-hah.Oh well,the good thing is my mom says me and bro can visit him there during the holidays.I don't know how good or true is that...so...but it'll still be enjoyable bargaining at the market.

It's exam weeks.Yes.weeks.TWO FUCKING LONG WEEKS!!! $#&^%!!! well,I'm only worried whether I can luck this on eout like the last time.Passing the add maths test may well be my best accomplishment so far.Lets have a bet if I can pass this time.I just finished my BM papers.A total of 4 hours 45 minutes..I dunno if I can ever write again...

My temporary freedom..

Yeah,my mom's coming back from Rome today.Not that I'm unhappy or anything...but having this much freedom is as fun as it can get..(except for that stupid bicycle incident).What freedom do I get? The freedom to come back home ANY time.So most of the time I go shopping.But it's useless cuz Parkson Grand is only opening 12 MAY 2005.I know,I know..I'm sooo lame.I can use the KTM or the bus to go to MidValley or KL alone as usual..but lazy lah ( plus I noticed some new freaks and creeps near the area after school..no risk taken)

And I get to use the Internet for UNLIMITED time..that is before 10.00pm.My dad in Rome caught me online at about 2.00am.BUSTED!.Betcha he didn't tell my mom.Except the bike issue.My brother's a little unhappy that I use the computer everyday more than him.Ha-ha.Solved issue? Not yet.Still negotiating.

All this will be GONE,gone for good.Oh,what pain.But looking on the bright side,my mom is bringing back chocolates and some sweets (which I don't eat mind ya) and my annoying and hyperactive (like me! The other one is as lethargicas a sloth) youngest brother.My youger brother wouldn't mind..nor would I.He's a pain in the arse for some,but to me,he's gives that warm feeling that no one can surpass except God...

EXAM IS NEXT FRIDAY!!!!DAMN..I haven't studied a single shit and the stupid school system is bringing it forward a week.Guess I have to postpone my Taekwando exam..(I worked so hard to get there),No doubt about it..there will be some failures this time round ..and I betcha that Add Maths will be the first.I can't even understand the first chapter!! And History with the essays..Arghh Biology is up to Chapter 7 when the teacher hasn't completed this chapter...How I hate Form 4..

Full detail of my little accident..

Since my mom was out,I had to buy bread.So I used the bike to get to the store.After I bought the bread,I decided to have a lil' adventure by strolling around Sungai Chua in my brother's bicycle.While going into a new area,I saw a small bridge that leads to my housing area.The small narrow bridge,had no railings,and under it was those kind of big drains you see next to shopping malls.I was tired and was feeling a little cocky,so I tried to cycle across with the bicycle.And plop! In I go.Then,the bicycle which was twice my size and weight fell on me.Then I hit my head on the concrete.I can't really seem to recall the point when I fell.It's like the lil' dizzy feeling followed by a blank and a scream from a woman.(she never did help me out anyway,God knows who she is..).When I regained my senses,I found myself pinned under the bike.Ok,I thought this wasn't supposed to happen to me.The bread i bought was still safe.I had one leg in the brown water.(connected to a local gerai with all that leftovers :'( ) and the left hand grazed and stained my fave shirt with all that blood.

I stood there dazed for awhile..waiting for an idea what to do.POP.1.Get outta the drain.So I begin to pull the bike off me(I didn't thought it was that heavy,but my arm was injured anyway) and rescued the Gardenia bread to safety.Then I walked around for awhile..climbing the pipe to get out.[YeOuch!!My Leg!!] I got outta drain,with my bicycle all shiny and nice parked down there.I didn't know what to do.I was having concusions and a big major strain on my left leg.It was only moments before I can't walk.Suddenly,after what seem hours,this Chinese in his mid-50s came along oblivious about my bleeding mess of my body.I had to call him in Chinese and get him to pity me by helping me get the bike out.He begin rambling and lecturing to be careful n' shit..then continued when I peddled away.I appriciate your gesture,thank you.Then I cycled away to my house.
I forced my brother to open the gates for me.When I broke the news to him,he looked me in the eye and said,"Is the bike broken?" I was so pissed of i had an undisputed fight.But hey,it WAS his bike,so I guess it's just a boy's thing..
Now I can't really walk and have a bandage on my arm when the graze was.Don't be surprised if you see me limping down the kajang streets with a bandage on my hand.Heck I might be using a stick/umbrella.(It's that bad).If It gets any worse,I'll have to go to hospital.But I do like the attention I'm getting.. :P[ouch! that stupid leg]

Oh,the sadness of the blog.

It seems that I 've been writing for no damn reason..If it continues on like this,I might have to brush off this project..Fuck..this blog isn't that interesting anyway.Mayve I'll invest in some other topic.

All bout me.

60 things about Michelle
Message:
: 1) brand of ur hand phone?_No handphone..cruel
2) wat'l u do if u see ur gf/bf hugging a girl/guy?_Wait for 5 seconds,if lasts more than that I'll strike
3) hav a gf/bf?_sadly,no
4) hav ur own room?_yup... In need a room make over..My PMR results spoilt that :(
5) fav pet ?_Everything!! NOFur!1 Snakes dogs cats bugs snails lizards frogs furry rodents!
6) 1 thing u cant live w/o?_Music..then oxygen
7) wer do u live?_carjunk
8) wat wud u do if sumone tells u he/she lyks u?_date,then see how it goes..but never happened yet..so I'll just freak out
9) how are you feelin n0w?_tired
10) where do you hangout?_Carjunk streets
11)what are you good at?_Drawing,English,Singing,Kicking ass
12) what is it bout a person you cant stand?_backstabbing
13) what do you want?_All RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS albums,Midvalley :p
14) a word that describes you?_hyperactive
15) what is ur dream?_To go back to my child hood..
16) day/nite?_nite..I look like a zombie in day
17) sunset/sunrise?_sunrise..watching it from the bus window..
18) like a romantic & sweet bf/ gf?_maybe..but must be fun,hyperactive,violent enough to catch up with me...
19) what is it about the opposite gender thatattracts you?_Personality comes before looks
20) are you an independent person?_Still living on mom's salary..independent enough to roam the streets of Car Junk..
21) do you like school?_yes,not the people mind you.
22) are you stubborn?_[sings]~I'mma stubborn little donkey~
23) believe in God?_God's my best friend.(G-great-.O-optimistic.D-dad)
24) ur favourite sport?_Wrestling,basketball,World cup(england)
25) believe in fate?_Not really..
26) get pissed off easily?_Yeah..more to the emotional side
27) like ur parents?_yeah,sorta
28) r u a materialistic person?_Mom calls me "material monster" Go figure
29) believe in love?_Yup,it hurts sooo bad too
30) will u get a tattoo_Definately!! I want the one like anthony Kiedis of REd Hot Chili Peppers!!!
31)smoke?_Nope..
32) club / pub?_Near future
33) wil u forgive ur gf/bf if he/she cheats on u?_Depends on how severe..If you cheat,it's not true love izzit?
34) will u expect ur gf/bf to forgive u?_To be fair,not really..
35) were u on a trip recently?_No more trips with my family..get a job!
36) fave country?_japan!!
37) r u impatient?_Yah..with lethargic ppl.
39) do u organise parties often?_no..But forced to do one this Sunday for my13-year old bro.
40) do u hav good friends?_Are you?
41) do u think u r good-looking?_[sings]~I am beautiful~No matter what they say~
42) do u care about looks?_THere are no ugly ppl,only lazy ones
43) do you think that you're a good gf/bf?_I'll tell you once I'm in a relationship.
45) do you quarrel with people easily?_With friends.that's what they are for..
46) are you forgiving?_If the fault is big,no
47) do you get hurt easily?_Mentally yes.Physically I HURT.
48) do you prefer gurl wit long/short hair?_Anything..
49) do u prefer guys wid long/short hair?_The messy look is for me..Mullet? ha ha
50) is ur hair colored?_No..I would like it Blue
51) are you a romantic partner?_Still Learning the tricks of tha trade :p
52) do you wear a watch?_Yup
53) what color clothes do you like?_black,blue,shocking red/purple.
54) will you choose love or money?_Love
55) do you prefer sleep or eat?_sleep
56) white or black?_black...
57) pink or red?_Red..Pink is a NO-No..
58) fav flower?_Red Rose.THe smell is estastic~
59) fav food?_Chinese,Pizza,Noodles,Sushi.pasta
60) instuments? _Piano and anything I can hit.Good beat tempo.No drums man...

Yippeee!!

A whole 8 days of freedom,since my mom left to Rome yesterday,leving me and my bro alone at home...For the first time in months,I get to roam around Kajang till late inthe evening and watch late night wrestling [sorry mom]..( I miss John Cena and Rey Mysterio and Edge..etc so much!!!) and watch the dumping of Constantine out of American Idol..Whoo hoo..Plus,he really sounded bad..even at that moment I thought I could sing better than him..(seriously,your cover-up of Nickelback's song ain't authentic.) Actually I liked Anwar,(bet it's his Islamic sounding name that gave him the boot) but he got butted out,so it's Bo now.Bo,Bo,Bo...yeah,he's good..but he sounds bad singing the years>2000 songs..Love his mane.Anyone heard of Anwar lately..I already miss his voice so much...

*Note to self: Why am I talking bout' AI? That show's all about wannabes...Eee-yuck.

I haven't been so relaxed in these few months..I'm trying to forget the fact that my Mid-term exam,Taekwando and music exams are all coming up in the next 2 weeks.My Theory marks are coming out less month..oh,gawd..
So I went shopping alone today..Being alone is great,you don't have to worry bout the other,and you get to observe everyone around you.Bad side? I get stares from these freaky guys and it's harder to try out at the comestics section at Watson's (favourite pastime for girls nowadays) with the annoying salesgirl bugging you when you have no intention of buying at all :p.

My brother's birthday coming up..my mom put me in charge of getting the pizzas and stuff..so I'm playing hostess..But she gave me a reward I can't refuse..I can use the internet 3.00pm onwards from Tuesday to Friday! Whoohoo!

I got rid of that annoying soundtrack from Incubus..it's damaging my blog! The site doesn't display any codes for Red Hot Chili peppers...I resent them..but they do have videos like P-Pimpin' by Ludacris..

Debate-thing!

Yeah,I've got nothing better to do than follow a bunch of High-school students on their bus again..the last time was during the Scrabble competition.This time round it was for a debate course held by the international English Debate club in Malaysia at HELP institute.It wasn't boring,in fact I loved it! THe launching ceremony opened up with a debate between the HELP institute & some Islamic Uni students on the motion: This house believes that goverment should imply on the selling of blood.The opposition was good(HELP),but the other team won anyway.Cause? Lack of good points.

For the 67 schools,there were 3 rounds (knockout system) and the grand prize was 5000$,for the best speaker 500$.Convent was offered a place in this,but they declined the offer..so High-school got it laa..But suprisingly,High school was very good.But Anyway,an ex-convent was there..so...but they were really good until the judge invited them to join the international debating club.Convent wouldn't stand a chance!

The topic was whether developed countries should pay the third word countries for enviromental causes..The other school was quite good..but competing against naturals? They don't have a damn chance! I really enjoy watching debates,noting that my charisma level is quite low..especially in front of a crowd.

But the good thing is I found the time to be with my friends outside the school..It's not often I get around that much,cuz I preety like to do things on my own,y'know what I mean..(efficiant,faster,no embarrasing moments).Sometimes,being alone isn't that good.Like nowadays,I tend to walk back home after getting off the KL bound bus..All those wolf-whistles..Ugh..I can't take it.Usually those fuckers would ask me to come to them or something like that,staring ..y'know.God help me to pass my motorbike driving license..then I don't have to takethat fuckin' bus back home again..

I did meet more friends and old friends that day..my friends are beginning to accept the fact that I talk to boys..though one of the teachers gave a very dissaproving look.Heck,one of them even call me short..

Library and such...

Yep,the interview's finally over.And yes,I failed to overcome my sensitive side again.But I did answer smartly enough...and did justice for the others as well..just hope that I didn't fail to impress them.The head librarian didn't stay back to interview me..how surprising..And to make it worst ,My good friend tried to ignore and sucessfully avoided conversing with me the whole day...I wonder why.Must be the fact that it's a showdown/final between us both to clinch that vacant spot at the top,namely head librarian.I mean,c'mon..it;'s not going to be the matter of life or death or something like that...

I do wish the juniors good luck..I mean,the interviewees were a little harsh.

Details of the interview will come after the elections.Please stay tune..

Butterflies are ...annoying

Peter asked me to sing with them at the choir today.The choir master wasn't there.So,I went up and joined them.And boy,did my heart go up the sky or what.I never felt so happy before(except for my UPSR 5A results)..there were butterflies in my stomach on how was I to sing when I haven't sung in the choir for a long time..(go away you pesky flying creatures).So I sang my heart out on the last song that day.And at the end of it,I feel so emotionally drained,I was nearly crying.Why must this happen to me..maybe when she's gone,I'll join the choir back...

My mom's leaving to Rome with my youngest brother to see my dad who's working there,leaving me with my annoying adolecent brother and the curious maid.Hoorah.One week without nagging.Think positive Michelle..don't get steamed up..I not getting steamed up!..But the cost of the tickets there too much..so..I've gotta stay here and enjoy my freedom..yay...

I'm ready....depression

I'm pissed off with myself for not grabbing the chance when I had it.I mean,of course, the chance when I could have...y'know..bf..Now i'm stuck with the label "the friend type"My friends think I'm weird..cuz I have crushes on those rowdy,bad-boy guys..like Anthony Kiedis from RHCP..or a certain someone from High school...That's it..no more details..

I've got highest for English Literature(65),EST(90) and...no wait that's it I guess.Finally something I'm good in.But the next exam is barely 4 weeks ahead..zI haven't even studied a single shit!..Especially my Add Maths.I'll be dammed if I got an A1 for it...(very unlikely though)

The librarian head is still annoying me..whenever someone starts talking bout me..she starts giving this ugly,sarcastic,menyampah look of hers..Who doesshe think she is? The ruler (ha ha) of the whole school?Her popularity rate is only about 35%,,(not bragging,mine's about 46% mostly because of my playfulness..something she hates bout me)People call her an angel...(in disguise he he he)..I've given up on becoming the head..only the votes can save me now...(hope she has o transfer to America or nigeria..anywhere)

By the way,there's a new girl in form 3 ..she moved from Portugal.Ppl say the whole form dislikes her because of her perasan sendiri case..What to do..another batch of bitches coming in next year..Form 4 this year is more of the perky and smarties types..(plus some freaks I know..hee hee hee)

Beautiful Soul

A special prayer for our beloved pope...

Today the Lord brings his servant up,
My he dwell in peace in heaven.

Pope John Paul II

Spare a moment for him.

Beautiful Soul

A special prayer for our beloved pope...

Today the Lord brings his servant up,
My he dwell in peace in heaven.

Pope John Paul II

Spare a moment for him.

Beautiful Soul

I offer this prayer for Pope John Paul.
May he join the Lord today.
For all the things he has done,
may all remember him.

Spare a moment for him if you can.

My heart burns..douse it.(29 points)

My heart yearns for him only,his hearts yearns for another.

No points for guessing who that is...

I just entered the Hulu Langat district scrabble com.I thought it was a knockout system..turned out to be a three-round game,which then the no. of wins and the spread(dIfferance from the loser :P) is accumulated to decide the winner.I had to go to that god-knows-where school in the high school bus...VOMITS<<<<

First round was with Jalan bukit..(6players ina round,a pair and an individual game) guess what? we won that round ...(targeted at an ex-jalan bukit..HAHAH)next we lost to Jasmin..Followed by an embarasing defeat by a High School guy..277-120 Oh the pain...What the shit,at least the pair beat the formidible team of Austin+ashvin HA hAhhah...

MY monthly exam was a flunk..Ass maths -40=p8..Gosh...the others were just A1,A2,B3 and B4s...HOw am I to do my SPM?

French class was wonderful!....for non-literature students. o nly.Seems that it clashes with the class.So my last french class is this Monday..sob sob.Looking on the bright side,teacher reserved a place for me in the already full french club!I told my dad to get me a french-english dictionary anyways.

Au revoir!

Exam's here!

I'll be getting a taste of sweet Form 4 exams tommorow.It's BM,est,maths and physics on monday.Phew...at least add maths's on another day.(I'm still worrying that I might flunk this too)I can say i'm prepared for physics ,maths...Yikes! Addmaths? Biology? I better start revising...Hope all goes well...

Met En.Ummar's son after tuition class.THe other day we were discussing about the tough Grade 8 theory exam.Well,I'm kind of surprised to see him on examination day in High school..And about the results?I know i'm gonna fail..(If I pass,PRAISE GOD! It's a miracle!)..just hoping for a >60..but most proberly getting a <59...sob sob sob....

Arghhhh!!!! NOooooOO

My Grade 8 theory paper was a flunk!I',m a failure..sob sob...I'm gonna havta do it again...I did study..but I couldn't find a damn shit of imitations and how am I suppose to know that the english horn equals to the famed-perfect 5th-cor anglais!?I did my question 1 and 2 and 5 cincaily.in the end i licked my wounds and bound up in a corner crying.German terms came out..I am soo depressed.

Not even the debate at school can make me feel happy at all.I did make some nice friends from Saujana Impian...but that One girl from my gang was furious that I was spending too much time with my new friends..the others didn't think so...but they all say I was flirting. with them...C'mon ppl! Grow up!That one girl had the nerve to call me a flirt...Well,I have to sympatize with her..after all she is a leap student and doesn't mix around guys that much (except her father,brother and cousins..)

The first monthly exam is next week..I have a week of holiday to study.My seniors say it's possible to get straight As on the first go.Will I? Well...I'm only doubting my Fungsi in Add maths and Physics with all that equations..

Fight,fight,fight ! Or Die,die,die!!

Yup...my last music theory exam is coming this Saturday.Grade 8 that is.I am frightened cuz mist of the time I can't even get marks for my exercise.What's worse,school exam is coming after the holidays.Guess it's time to hit the books.We'll see if it's true that students usually fail their first exams..eg. add maths.

The school sports day wasn't even fighting..So sad,I wasn't chosen to represent blue house in the 100 m race.Ah,but I took in the joy after NONE of the Blue house team qualified.Ha ha ha ha!!Blue house got last place again....every year..my prediction will come true.So on with the sports day.Ehem,hem: I wasn't with my house as usual,This time round I was sitting with the teachers way at the top helping out in the P/A system.Yeah,most of the time I was running up and down to get the scoresheets for the teachers.

I went down to get my coupon redemption..for some shit.According to some,the burger tasted like cow dung.I didn't find out until the next day.(I left it in the fridge and microed it the next day.Tasty..like the dirt under your nail).End of day.Red won,again.Caused by the great differance in the number of members between..well,y'know.
As a reward,the teacher gave me an apple.Gave it to Ray.(he carved his name into it later).That fella had the cheek to say that I like him cuz I'm always giving him stuff.Well,excuse me....

Debate's this Tuesday.Hoorah! I'm not taking part.Interestingly,I got the part-job as time keeper.Truthfully,I'm hoping Convent would go in second or last.That'll show those rude jerks in the team.Sorry,Pn Nirmala.I couldn't help it....

Proud and Doubtful...

It's hurting me more and more...Every time I look at the choir from where I'm sitting my heart will feel like a 1000 swords just pierced through it.That's because when I joined it,I put part of my heart to it.I felt so happy each time i sang at mass..especially at the Christmas mass..but after a year of choir,it seems that all its shine & glory has just flew away...

So Mr.Pelly said he'll give a duty roster on what to do at church.I'm quite keen on reading the readings (pardon the pun) at mass.It seems that would fit me more than singing...what do you think?

I surprise even myself sometimes.I'm starting to like all science subjects and even handing in reports on time.Weird huh? Must be the Maths and add maths.

P/S : my good friend has decided to stay at Convent and not to MRSM.Good...We'll be having a race on seeing who would be the next head for the librarians..May the best man..(Ehem..girl) win.

A Lively chat with a friend sent from God.

Michelle : Guess what?
G.Angel : I don't really want to know.
Michelle : I've got exactly 291$ from the Michelle's Ang Pau Charity fund.
G.Angel : Like I said,I don't really want to know.
Michelle : And I haven't finished collecting yet...:p
G.Angel : Oh,really? And whaddaya planning to do with it?
Michelle :I was thinking of using the whole amount on albums and stuff like that,but on a second thought..I'll be
using it in the skin department.
G.Angel : News flash! Skin sags...
Michelle : Oh c'mon..I don't do much for my skin anyway
G.Angel : Hm, let's take a memory walk shall we? You wasj your face 3 times a day,you re-apply facial creams
every hour or so,you...
Michelle : Ok,Ok ya don''t have to be soo specific.Look,i've even given some to Lent charity.
G.Angel : By force I suppose
Michelle : Hey,it's from the heart and ya know that.
G.Angel : Yada yada...

A happy new year? no.

Why happy? I can't see anything fun about Chinese New Year this year...might be the lack of publicity..or just me.I can't seem to get a good grip on the reason to celebrate anymore..only thing holding me on is the ang pau.:p
Perhaps my only english speaking cousins aren't here for CNY.What a time for holiday already..Allergy medication,homework,homework,projects,headaches,homework,debate,and homework.....brr..Form 4 is honeymoon year indeed.

How's the song?Is it there already?

Mamamia!

My best friend has got the approval to enter MRSM.Yes,I'm happy for her..but I feel so sad.It feels like i"m gonna lose someone to talk to...:(
She says that it's a 70% of her going there(by choice).Friends can't be a problem for her because she's the kind that can make friends from scratch.But,she's worriedif the people there aren't sporting enough (conservative) for her.She is a little ganas sometimes but..
Does anyone know how the academic level of that school? The Selangor one of course.She's trying to find out sooo badly and............

Red Panda

My relatives from China came last Saturday.The only one who could mix with me was an 18 year old boy(cousin)who looks almost like keen.Unfortunately,I wasn't brought up in a Chinese enviroment...school.:P

I had to mix with the young cousins since I had had nothing in common with the chinese speaking ones..Faye wong,energy...(what?)..really jealous..I had to watch them from a distance playing Mahjong.And it really pains me to see the chinese speaking ones hogging him,not that I mind..heh heh.What made it worse,my grand uncle's daughter said"michelle bu yong na xiang pian la".I innocently walked away from the photo taking ceromony.Then my mom said something dunno what and that little bitch quietly asked me to come in again.Oi,two-faced..cannot decide aa?

Found out from my mom that she had been scolding her since she was young because of her Queen-dominatrix-wanna be leader of everything behaviour.She shouldn't have told me that cause I am full of disgust for her now.

Today.We were having farewell dinner for the China ppl since they were leaving the next day.As usual,the kiddies came over and asked me to teach them how to play the gameboy advance.Somewhere in the last course,I joined my chinese-speaking cousins with that boy.After some chit-chat,found out he was a black belt dan-2 and was teaching already!! I had a small Sparing with him and broke my new shoes..(mom was furious and asked me to act more like a girl).But it was worth it! You shoould have seen the look on that little bitch's face..Hee hee hee.
They all came to my house later.He thought me some moves only the black belts know.Ha Ha ha!In your face seniors!.And all those little puny pahatic faces of those cousins.He told me my kicks were powerless..:(
Found out his english name was Kazaf.Typical English name in China.Then a casual farewell..........

Oh,the suffering

Life is just getting harder everyday...until I just don't know what to say.

Really.

Ok,Ok...loads of homework as usual,journal writing...stuff like that.Since I've got nothing much here.can anyone give me another way to get abs excluding sit-ups and gyms?toodles

The Reason

The title has nothing to do with that stupid Hoobastank song.Somehow the most annoying songs are stuck in my head...Like word up by Korn,Welcome to my world/life (whatever) by simple plan...Keen isn't helping much.:P

OK.I've got the reason.And it's not stupid.Doesn't mean I'm gonna leave that head alone.It's something to do with my attidude.Y'know,the kind which allows ya to talk to boys as though they're your best friends.She thought that I would change by this year.I didn't and I WON"T.She was already cooking up the plan of firing me since last year.Is it just me,or does she feel jealous or sumthin....Oh well,If she can't like me,I can't do anything...hee hee hee...

By the way,I've quit choir.I can't hold it out until Easter...Whoooohoooo!.It feels great to be out though I'll miss those who were my friends there.Another thing to spoil my victory.No More JEANS to church or Sunday school or Mr.Pelly'll slap my face.I've decided to wear office wear to church and class now.Maybe he's preparing us for the adult world..ha ha..

Our new teacher Mr.Paul might be leaving this week.(he told of course).Wonderful.If he stays any longer,he'll teach us Chemistry...(err....)

Don't Speak

The song by No doubt keeps drumming in my head.Recent events have kept me at a pause.Depression has taken its toll upon me and I cannot taketh anymore of its treacherous warnings.How far more till I reach pure happiness?

So to speak,well I can't speak by the way..I've got a very bad sore throat.I can't talk,I can't sing and when I try to it hurts so bad.Probably caused by that recent incident at school.I have pure disgust for that head of mine.I do not consider her as a friend(I have never done so) nor an enemy.Just a fiend with no horse sense at all.Imagine this.A friend - "r" as for "r"espect = Fiend.Ah,well you wouldn't get what I'm saying anyway.

Just you wait you big headed freak.If that teacher o' mine doesn't give a very logical answer,I "the gossip queen" will ruin your reputation in school and make you an outsider(with that stupid fringe of yours).

UN-justice

The AJK board members for the library just fired me as a librarian head-of-the-day for no apparant reason.My good friend was a victim of their unjusticeness.Of course,I'm still a librarian,but myfriend wants to quit.

It's shocking,really.The unprofessional way of handling these things of course.Usually,only the form.4s are to be the head-of-the-day.The form.5s will only be AJK for half a year.The story starts with this.The head-assistant moved to another state and another girl just took up the spot.To fill in the vacancies,the board head (I suppose) got her friends in just like that.snap.There was a reason why they had an interview last year.These girls had never a chance.I believe they was racism involved in this.There was only one Indian in and the rest are Chinese.I am a Chinese,but I believe this is wrong.

According to them,the main reason why I was un-elected was because i had extra classes before duty until 1.45pm so I couldn't take care of those under me.I trust my friends.They are among the best.I didn't really mind that someone on my day replaced me beacuse she is nice and she is a Malay.Plus,there were complains about me from last year.I understand if that girl who never comes for duty (after I got elected by the former board) gave complains to them,but I have more ground than her.So far the board has not taken action yet.

Moreover,I have NEVER missed a duty since I was 13 (now 16) and definately worked longer hours than them.In the letter,it said that the board was unpleased with my work,contrasting what the disipline head told me....
I can't take the corruption heat! Even my friend said that the head changed after she was elected.At the meeting,the newly elected AJK gave me the letter without adnowledging me,and walked off.When I ask why that,she didn't want to answer my QUETION and asked me to see the absent teacher.Which is exactly what I'm going to do when school reopens.

For Justice!

Yummy Yum

Oooh...This is a quite a preety week to start with..well actually two.Sorry for the delay.

Anyway,homework is coming in in heaps.Everyday after school,there's homework,homework and...reports :p.Right now..I have to stay back at school for the whole week for extra classes,tuition,librarian duties and the whole lot.:(

I have something for every day..It's annoying.Besides those I mentioned earlier..I got Taekwando practice(Hiyahhhhh...red belt),Sunday school,choir practice,music class(gd 6 and 8) and bible studies.Phew...busy busy.

Now I'm taking the fuckin' public bus back.All because my caring school bus driver doesn't want to stay for another 10-15 minutes.The gentleman himself takes his own sweet time to pack his lunch while dilly-dallying back to the bus.

Hope this year will be a good year..Suddenly add maths doesn't seem that hard ...

My class

Yay..I got into 4 Berlian,the science class.It's kinda good,but a frog and an annoying need-to-know-all is in my class of 31.It's really frustrating (the ppl,not the class) that I'll see their faces for the next two years.

I'm taking up Literature and bible studies,though I'm not sure all the Form 4s and Form 5s are taking it up.It's true,I will not survive with friends..and talking.So forgive me,those sitting around me.:p

A New Year

Oh shit,I just turned 16 this year.Som call it it the sweet 16,others call it the honeymoon year I call it the most difficult year of my teen life..(we'll see how it goes (;).It's the year where I think I'm officialy a teen,no longer a kid.I do miss my chilhood.No one would laugh at you for doing something embarrasing or foolish.And I don't have to wear those stupid bras...:P.I love being with my juniors especially those younger ones.Most of them are just plain innocent and they don't know the meaning of sarcastism or back-stabbing your friend.But I guess someday I'll have to move on.

My parents agreed to get me the piano book.My mother said she would have gotten me a room makeover with Ikea stuff plus that piano book.I am so freakin mad at myself..(though I don't show it).Anyway I signed up for the science class.Hope I get into one eithout any of those thick-headed, conceited people.Chao.