Black hearts again

So they finally found out. Hahaha.
It's not his fault..More to mine.
But 3 calls in a day? Any idiot would've guessed something was going on...

He said not to call him & he would not call me anymore.
He said to stop for the moment and concentrate on our studies..
He said we'll be majors after we reach 18.
He said not to forget him, as he will never forget me.
He said he will always love me, and I will always too.

I wonder if I want to hold on, if I have to wait that long.

My source of joy, attention, comfort, care,warmth, protection & love is gone.
I don't find any of those at home, why did you think I was so eager to look elsewhere?
Depression was slowly pulling me closer and closer into insanity...

My mom would beg to differ, she will say 'I Love you more than anything".
I know she does, deep down inside.But can't she step down her pedestal for once and show her daughter a show of affection? Can't she humble herself, forget her pride, and help the daughter who missed feeling loved? I know she has others in the family she has to care for, but surely not to the extend of completely forgetting her duty as parent to this still fragile and broken child?

Why let others suffer just because you had the same fate in your time? Is it because you felt it wasn't fair that you had to go through the pain yourself and not others? I am your daughter. Not another person in your life as you have always treated me. Why take away my only source of joy & love if you cannot take the step to show it to me?

If you want to change, please don't. I will only find it unorthodox and strange that this woman I knew for years has decided to change after so long being ignorant of the other person's need.