Recent ruminitions

I pride myself on everything I am except for one thing...my lack of stealth. No matter what I do, it always gets found out in the end. Especially things I don't want others to find out. Oh, the irony.

I just felt like it because when I see others do it effortlessly and flawless as though it's just a part of your everyday life, I get covetous easily. For some it may seem like something you do; something wrong; the biggest crime; … but I view it as a goal, it big accomplishment for me that is worthy of self-praise..

But when I did it, the world went tumbling down upon me in one heap! I did feel a bit euphoric (just a 1/5 fraction of what I felt after getting my monthly test results…: P) that I’ve accomplished one of my goals. I’ve ticked it off my ‘things-to-do’ lifelong list.

Then some people, who obviously don’t share the same passion with me… (hahaha~) felt that they are responsible for my ‘mistake’ and decided to counsel me by giving warnings and use-full(less) advice. Which of course I naturally turn a deaf ear upon all their ramblings…There were repercussions, nothing too big except one. But it will be fixed anyway, so I don’t really worry about it. Now in this process of trying to reason with these people, I managed to hurt a comrade’s feelings by doing what I do best; presume & assume. Blaming is an extension of that skill. The problem is, I no longer feel guilt or remorse. But I only felt sorry for hurting feelings of those around me…That is what I’m trying to fix.

But then, comes ego. I always had a problem saying this word ‘sorry’ especially for big things. I always turn defensive and in the end, those who find fault in me often give up. So, if by any chance the comrade or a friend of her should read this, I send my apologies to her.

The deed:

I played truant.