Quite a year. Plenty of changes, I might add. Could be a whole book by itself. But it's a chapter I prefer to erase from my life...
Well, my Mandarin's improved by leaps and bounds ever since I hung out with my new Chinese ed classmates. God knows how I actually found anything in common with them, but it's been a year and I've lost count of the times we all went on makan sessions, clubbing, and holidaying. I surprise myself, because not long ago, I hated ALL the Chinese ed ppl. Could be because I'm jealous of their control over the language, or that mother compares me with my peer/cousin all the time. They're not bad actually, quite a fun lot.
Speaking of college friends, it seems to be to my mentor that I have turned shallow on him. I told him I had to dumb down for them. To fit in. Speaking of which again, it was my previous year's resolution to BE normal. And so it had been. How I hate it. I'm boring myself to death to fit in these bunch of ignoramuses who can't be bothered to think about anything else but the next meal, or shopping sprees, or charity work, student organizations. How terribly earthly, how mundane. Why me?
..Flings, in total 5..could be more. I'm not proud of the number, but I keep telling myself it's better than falling blindly into a relationship when I don't even understand the meaning of the L word. How do you feel it, when you don't even know how to 'it'? No going into relationships for the sake of it, I'm not saying that I plan to be a spinster for the rest of my life, or that I am an anti-social..It's just that I don't believe in instant love anymore. Tried and tested; what, don't tell me if he asks you to be his gf, the both of you will be in true love in a nano2nd? BOSH!
Oh, I made a personal vow to myself; no relationships for the year 07. Kept to my word, but is it just me, or are the pangs of loneliness from deep inside showing up? I'm a bit of a fool in this L. Too much reminiscences. I'm a sentimental fool. Tears spring up everytime I think of that one person who brought me close to the almighty emotional connection. I still L him, or I think I do. What's the fucking big deal with this L word? I don't think it even exists. A horrible single word made by man to brutally mash up all the wonderful feelings of companionship, intimacy, passion, compassion, fondness, comfort, contentment, confusion, dizziness, sickness, fury, jealousy, lust.
19, the last year of teenhood. I told everyone I'd end the year in style, but I've been drained out of creative juice ever since the fashion contest. EXCUSES, PAH! I'm still the same in places I don't want to keep. Laziness, procrastinator, and one with no sense of urgency. Forgive me, father time. I can't be bothered. BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER
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4 comments:
Dear Sparks...
incase you've forgotten me...nokia rules :P
so did you catch my movie??
I first fell in love when i was 19...and that relationship lasted almost 5 years. I then fell in love again and this time it's going on for two years plus...I think I am gonna marry this girl...
lets say...sometimes love works....allow yourself to fall...and let love grow....
you lonely? pangs of loneliness? ...you should know better...you're catholic...God love you...
Happy New Year!
Linus
Keep asking the church buddies to go watch, keep delaying, in the end they stopped the show. LOL, tell me when the DVD's up.
Marry? Gosh, that's the last thing on my mind. God bless, that you've found your soulmate :)
Everyone changes. No one remains the same after all but it's good that you take the time to reflect and see whether the change has done you good - and whether you like who you're turning into.
I don't know whether to like or love myself. Who am I to? What authority? Hating or loving myself would not make a difference, that I exist..or do I :(
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