I'm starting to feel that being different is a waste of time. I keep putting myself in a 3rd-person-view and realising how silly my behaviour is; running around like a nutcase, pacing-never-walking, walking with a limp (when the hip bone dislocation has healed a long time ago, even though the sinseh said I'll be crippled in old age..), constantly thinking people are watching me, or trying to grab people's attention for some weird reason I don't exactly know what. Haha.
But then again, being different was and has always been a permanent objective since 2 years old. Yes I remember. Changing my course would be changing my personality all together, the horrors!
Hah! Irrational beliefs...I mean, cognitive distortions. LOL, Psych's caught up to me. (Oh yes, I'm an undergraduate now) If I keep analyzing my thoughts, it seems that I don't want to stop being different, it's an endearment to me; instead, I don't like that much attention focused on me anymore. And this was the first reason why I wanted to be different.
Seems that the instrument has become a goal by itself.
Or this could be all a fluke and another bout of intern's disease by little paranoid me.
*I'm curious to learn how the professionals would interpret me. I always thought of myself as an interesting specimen to prod. Will be seeing one soon on my free time. Results will be posted up, I've got nothing to hide anymore. You've been exposed to my blahs and whether you understand it or not doesn't matter. I blog to reaffirm my ambiguous thought :P
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