Temporary contentment

Thursday, October 05, 2006 Suicidal notes

How I miss my childhood.
The carefree days.
Everything was clean and fun.
Now, it all seems murky and all in a disarray.

I am in a dream.
A dream that will end soon.
I am still living out my childhood.
To your eyes, I am a young woman.
In my heart, I am forever a child.

Oh, how I will miss the days without worries and thoughts.
I want to end my life before it is too late.
Stop my life at the age before becoming ...
To make my dream an everlasting one..
Will be pure bliss for me.

Alas, fear stopped me.
Curiosity told me to continue with my dreaded life
"Wouldn't you love to know what's to become of you?"
What's to become of me?
Oh, what's to become of me?


I went through my old posts and one caught my eye..
And to think I had written this 2 years ago...Let me explain the 2nd and 3rd verse.

I was afraid of 'growing up', or otherwise losing my sense of curiosity and independence of thought. Caught in the realm of 'becoming', I knew I was soon losing my sense of individuality, hence the desire to kill myself. Well, the dream ended not too long after I wrote that.

The mind grows in two ways. From the innocenct inquisitive mind of a child; into a conditioned adult mind, or one who questions forever. I was in between, the frustration...but now it doesn't matter. My mind is now lost in the realm of me. I don't have to worry about adaptation or fitting in for now. So as long I have my mask in handy :)