Death Pt.1

The state of being dead.

When the soul leaves the body. A note on that, a physicist conducted an experiment by placing a man on his deathbed (literally) on a scale. As he breathed his last, an unexplainable 0.020kg was deducted from the original weight minus the bed. Souls have weight? Oh well...

Am I frightened by death? Not really. It's the transition process I'm worried about because no one has talked about it before. Maybe I'm afraid of what's after death too due to influence from my religion. The maker or the baker. Anyway, you don't go to heaven straightaway unless you martyred. The place is called purgatory, where you do your atonement...its white fires are said to be more painful than the ones below...

I have been experiencing death of close ones around me since young, be it a puppy or a great grandma or grandad. I remember playing with the paper effigies for my favorite great-grandma's funeral.
I did not grieve when my grandfather was on his deathbed, I remember drawing the funeral scene on the magnetic board only to receive a smack from my mom. Only at the funeral, my mom told me that I wouldn't see him anymore. That induced me to tears ( although I think it was more of the fact that there will be no more daily RM0.20 ketupats and rides from the school).

I thought I handled death pretty well for a young girl. Must be those science articles on death. Or reading obituaries with a passion. Once you're dead, you're gone. No emotions involved. They die because their body failed to function or accident happens.

Later years, death held a more significant meaning in my life. Friends say I've lost 2 out of 9 lives. Close one. Another incident really shook me up; death of a close friend's sister. Worse, she was talking to me the day before. Even worse, I became hysterical and depressed.I did loads of crazy things that I regret now. Now, my grandmother has a confirmed visit from death somewhere in the near future. She has cancer, like her deceased husband, just that she doesn't want to go for the treatment. (more painful she says).

I'm not saddened by that. But I don't think I would be able to take it anymore if anyone else around me died. Worse if I could have prevented it. Life is not as meaningful as it used to be anymore.