Greetings readers. Let me introduce myself as depression. You can call me Mr. Dee.
Our little friend here has made the biggest screw up of her life. By being overconfident, too proud of herself. And what exactly did she do? She decided to take the risk in her TRIALS English Literature exam by answering a question on something she hasn't read in ages.
Why, you ask me? Simple. Being that cocky little chit she was, she thought she could still score not having a single idea about the TRUE meaning of the literary work she was working on. She actually believed that she could still maintain her perfect record of getting the highest marks in her class by playing around in her exam.
Just as I expected, she fared badly in the test to the point that her teacher said she was disappointed in her. Of course she would feel that! That minx was the cream of the crop. The teacher wanted it to stay that way, in fact she was happy for her top student. But, no....the little brat decided to take things in her own hands and now... she's in second spot! For the first time this year, hah! She lost out to the underdog (literally). HAHAHA.
I quote the teacher on this.." Serves you right. Who asked you to start crapping on something you don't even know about?" Hahaa~Second place. Who knows? They might not even require her presence on the academic awards achievements day. Loser. Go on, cry like a baby, CRY!
"Boo HOo Hooooooooo...WaaAAaaaah~~~"
Friday, September 15, 2006
I'm ready, depression.
"Hello...it's been a while hasn't it?
I guess so.
"What kept you so long?"
False happiness
"Ah...that one...a dear friend of mine. But let's make up for lost time, shall we?
Yes, we shall.
I guess so.
"What kept you so long?"
False happiness
"Ah...that one...a dear friend of mine. But let's make up for lost time, shall we?
Yes, we shall.
Monday, August 28, 2006
I need all the (extra) help I can get
It's ironic how the teachers at my school try hard to keep the questions for the trials from leaking out to the students.
All we have to do is to make a few calls here and there to students from other school/states/tuition centres and BINGO! We've got a whole list of stuff that might be coming out for the test. To be even more sure, get more info from different sources and see which topics coincide. I just did that for my Physics paper 3. Three different sources; Ampang, Cheras and some tuition. And boy, everything I marked came out!
Well, I guess this isn't a very good thing to do...it might cause us to be more dependent on these 'tips'. It's all a question on morality I guess. But look, I'm still living in the era of Examination-Oriented schools. All the teachers emphasize on getting As, and what choice am I left with but to get 'extra help' if they don't want to help in the first place? Geez, I can't wait to get started on A-levels. It's gotta be more fun, it's gotta be. I heard the lecturers are more professional in teaching and interacting with the students at HELP. Gotta get HELP...(Hint-hint!)
Speaking of teachers who are not very helpful, listen to this. My friend from a Chinese school got informed by his teacher to go for an interview for a HELP scholarship. Apparently, the teacher submitted his exam marks to the university and he got the offer; just like that! And he didn't even want it!!!He's even thinking of declining the offer ( Please don't if you're reading this Mr.D)
Sheeesh~What I'll do for more helpful teachers.
(Oh well, look at the good side. At least I know I won't be alone in PJ next year at college)
All we have to do is to make a few calls here and there to students from other school/states/tuition centres and BINGO! We've got a whole list of stuff that might be coming out for the test. To be even more sure, get more info from different sources and see which topics coincide. I just did that for my Physics paper 3. Three different sources; Ampang, Cheras and some tuition. And boy, everything I marked came out!
Well, I guess this isn't a very good thing to do...it might cause us to be more dependent on these 'tips'. It's all a question on morality I guess. But look, I'm still living in the era of Examination-Oriented schools. All the teachers emphasize on getting As, and what choice am I left with but to get 'extra help' if they don't want to help in the first place? Geez, I can't wait to get started on A-levels. It's gotta be more fun, it's gotta be. I heard the lecturers are more professional in teaching and interacting with the students at HELP. Gotta get HELP...(Hint-hint!)
Speaking of teachers who are not very helpful, listen to this. My friend from a Chinese school got informed by his teacher to go for an interview for a HELP scholarship. Apparently, the teacher submitted his exam marks to the university and he got the offer; just like that! And he didn't even want it!!!He's even thinking of declining the offer ( Please don't if you're reading this Mr.D)
Sheeesh~What I'll do for more helpful teachers.
(Oh well, look at the good side. At least I know I won't be alone in PJ next year at college)
Monday, August 21, 2006
Common knowledge? I didn't know that..( Rantings)
All this while I've been constantly ranting about nothing but school life & post-school life. What's there for a girl who can't go anywhere outside the boundaries of Kajang town to write about? Everything that goes on in her head I guess. Like me and my mom discussing on where I'm supposed to go after SPM; Form 6/ A levels. In the end, I gave up and followed what she said; A levels. ( I need some HELP) She said that even with good results for STPM, there is no guaranteed place in local-Universities for a Chinese girl like me. Unless you're doing social science. "Isn't that what I'm doing?" I know, I know...I should be paying more attention to my SPM now because it's what that determines your future..blablabla..
Well, I did go somewhere out of Kajang. The Archdiocese Pastoral Centre in KL last week. To attend the 1st Bible Knowledge SPM seminar ever held in Malaysia. Students and teachers attended this event. Did I gain anything? Not really, I gained something that hasn't got anything to do with Bible Knowledge.
Here's a full account of what happened.
There was this middle aged grumpy and very inquisitive lady. Let's call her the Green lady.
She was sitting at the back with two of my friends ( alex & John) with another girl ( we'll call her orange girl; she was wearing a very nice looking orange tank top.."I forgot to ask her where she got that" Green lady kept asking her questions on who her parents are, where does she go to school and lots of things even your friends won't ask. Orange girl lost her temper and went infront to sit with her friends. Then, green lady began a conversation with my friends.
GL: Are you an alter boy?
A: Er, no?
J: Yeah.
GL: OH! God will bless you more, Jonathan...(pauses) I know your parents.
Later, she got a phone call from someone who hanged up on her ( I can understand why) and asked Alex who called her (-.-") and told them that if you take BK, you will get all 101As, no worries! ...After lunch, I wanted to experience the Green factor, so I went to the back to join Alex and John. Green Lady didn't come back; maybe she sensed that someone more irritating than her is about to come along. Orange girl passed a puzzle to the boys. I solved it for them. In return, she gave Alex her email address and number.
I asked them, isn't it weird for a girl to make the first move? They berated me and said it was a turn on for the guys if the girls do it first. It gives them the idea that "I'm hot enough for the girl to come over first and ask for my number". If the guy does it first, it shows him off as a desperate loser.
Right. I've got to take note of that.
Well, I did go somewhere out of Kajang. The Archdiocese Pastoral Centre in KL last week. To attend the 1st Bible Knowledge SPM seminar ever held in Malaysia. Students and teachers attended this event. Did I gain anything? Not really, I gained something that hasn't got anything to do with Bible Knowledge.
Here's a full account of what happened.
There was this middle aged grumpy and very inquisitive lady. Let's call her the Green lady.
She was sitting at the back with two of my friends ( alex & John) with another girl ( we'll call her orange girl; she was wearing a very nice looking orange tank top.."I forgot to ask her where she got that" Green lady kept asking her questions on who her parents are, where does she go to school and lots of things even your friends won't ask. Orange girl lost her temper and went infront to sit with her friends. Then, green lady began a conversation with my friends.
GL: Are you an alter boy?
A: Er, no?
J: Yeah.
GL: OH! God will bless you more, Jonathan...(pauses) I know your parents.
Later, she got a phone call from someone who hanged up on her ( I can understand why) and asked Alex who called her (-.-") and told them that if you take BK, you will get all 101As, no worries! ...After lunch, I wanted to experience the Green factor, so I went to the back to join Alex and John. Green Lady didn't come back; maybe she sensed that someone more irritating than her is about to come along. Orange girl passed a puzzle to the boys. I solved it for them. In return, she gave Alex her email address and number.
I asked them, isn't it weird for a girl to make the first move? They berated me and said it was a turn on for the guys if the girls do it first. It gives them the idea that "I'm hot enough for the girl to come over first and ask for my number". If the guy does it first, it shows him off as a desperate loser.
Right. I've got to take note of that.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Trials are here!
I've been banned from using the internet for the whole month of exams.
Big deal. It's not like I'm going to use the time to study anyway. I can still go to the internet cafes; which is exactly what I'm doing right now. I hate studying. I can't see any point in it doing it myself. I open the book, and about 1 minute later, I'm either doodling or reading some novels. Or sleeping. Or catnapping.
The only place I can study is at tuition. And there's no way I can study at school. The teachers don't teach anymore as they are done with the syllables. So all we do is laze and fool around. Oh yeah, we had a party for our teacher today. Lovely. I keep begging my mom to let me skip school since everyone else is doing it. ( Including the girl my mom keeps comparing me to. " Why can't you be more like her? Blablabla.." Can you imagine? Someone still using that method in the 21st century! Sheesh~) Of course she said no. Reason? She's afraid that the school will call her up to ask her on my whereabouts. C'mon lah, as if the school got nothing else better to do. Well, i guess that's a reasonable excuse since I have a black mark on me after being caught skipping school...
My mind's just drifts off some other place after for awhile. I can't help it. ADD? Traits of it; maybe...
Big deal. It's not like I'm going to use the time to study anyway. I can still go to the internet cafes; which is exactly what I'm doing right now. I hate studying. I can't see any point in it doing it myself. I open the book, and about 1 minute later, I'm either doodling or reading some novels. Or sleeping. Or catnapping.
The only place I can study is at tuition. And there's no way I can study at school. The teachers don't teach anymore as they are done with the syllables. So all we do is laze and fool around. Oh yeah, we had a party for our teacher today. Lovely. I keep begging my mom to let me skip school since everyone else is doing it. ( Including the girl my mom keeps comparing me to. " Why can't you be more like her? Blablabla.." Can you imagine? Someone still using that method in the 21st century! Sheesh~) Of course she said no. Reason? She's afraid that the school will call her up to ask her on my whereabouts. C'mon lah, as if the school got nothing else better to do. Well, i guess that's a reasonable excuse since I have a black mark on me after being caught skipping school...
My mind's just drifts off some other place after for awhile. I can't help it. ADD? Traits of it; maybe...
Monday, July 31, 2006
The teacher had asked me to stay back after literature class.
I wondered " What could I have possibly done to have incured the wrath of the dicipline teacher this time?"
"Sit down, Michelle, this wouldn't take a minute..nothing big."
A small feeling of relieve in my head
" I just want to know, what are you planning to do in the future.
Visit the library more often, get bangs, start dressing less like a 30-year-old woman...
'Well, after sitting for my STPM, I'll be doing either a degree in Linguistics, TESL or Psychology.Then, I'll move on to doing a Masters in Speech Therapy..'
"Promise me this, that whatever you do, make sure it involves children. You have a special gift with children...even Puan. S noticed this in you.
' Huh? Oh...you saw me playing with the kids at Taekwondo class last Saturday..'
"No, it's not that Michelle. You do have a knack with kids. It's not something everyone has."
'Yeah, childishness"
" You are saying that as though it were a bad thing"
'No! It's not that. I find that I have to mix with children because there is no one in Form 5 I can relate to...about..well, having raw fun.
"That's true. I agree with you. But it's a good thing because unlike other people, you are able to get response from these children. When you are with them, I notice that you are so happy, you could just see it's pure hapiness...Just promise me this, Okay?
'Yes, teacher.
I wondered " What could I have possibly done to have incured the wrath of the dicipline teacher this time?"
"Sit down, Michelle, this wouldn't take a minute..nothing big."
A small feeling of relieve in my head
" I just want to know, what are you planning to do in the future.
Visit the library more often, get bangs, start dressing less like a 30-year-old woman...
'Well, after sitting for my STPM, I'll be doing either a degree in Linguistics, TESL or Psychology.Then, I'll move on to doing a Masters in Speech Therapy..'
"Promise me this, that whatever you do, make sure it involves children. You have a special gift with children...even Puan. S noticed this in you.
' Huh? Oh...you saw me playing with the kids at Taekwondo class last Saturday..'
"No, it's not that Michelle. You do have a knack with kids. It's not something everyone has."
'Yeah, childishness"
" You are saying that as though it were a bad thing"
'No! It's not that. I find that I have to mix with children because there is no one in Form 5 I can relate to...about..well, having raw fun.
"That's true. I agree with you. But it's a good thing because unlike other people, you are able to get response from these children. When you are with them, I notice that you are so happy, you could just see it's pure hapiness...Just promise me this, Okay?
'Yes, teacher.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
National Service bummer
I checked at the website.
http://www.khidmatnegara.gov.my/interaktif.asp
"No. KP tidak dijumpai"
I didn't get it! Oh, joy-Oh, sorrow...
Joy because I'll get a few months of holiday before starting on my Pre-U. I'll be able to have a job and earn extra bucks during the holiday too. And I get to have extended time for the "after-SPM-party"..HOoRay!!
Sorrow because I would miss out all the fun on mixing with so many new people. Because I'll miss out the gun training session. Worst of all, I won't be going on a 3-month long holiday sponsered by the government using the money our parents paid them.
It's a mixed feeling. Oh well, you gain some, you lose some.
http://www.khidmatnegara.gov.my/interaktif.asp
"No. KP tidak dijumpai"
I didn't get it! Oh, joy-Oh, sorrow...
Joy because I'll get a few months of holiday before starting on my Pre-U. I'll be able to have a job and earn extra bucks during the holiday too. And I get to have extended time for the "after-SPM-party"..HOoRay!!
Sorrow because I would miss out all the fun on mixing with so many new people. Because I'll miss out the gun training session. Worst of all, I won't be going on a 3-month long holiday sponsered by the government using the money our parents paid them.
It's a mixed feeling. Oh well, you gain some, you lose some.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Shh..don't tell anyone but everyone :P
Something wonderful just happened.
The school counselor informed us that matriculation forms are up for sale.
The only condition is that you have to be taking Add Maths.
Yeah, in front of everyone including my mother ( she insisted persistently that I MUST apply for it) I sulked and whined about my bad luck ( Cause I dropped Add Maths at the start of this year) to anyone who would listen. My mother couldn't believe it & my friends were probably gloating to themselves on how lucky they are since they are still taking Add Maths.
Frankly, I couldn't give a damn. I don't want apply for matrics. It lacks the challenge, and what about the majority Malay students? I don't mind being friends with them. It's fun talking in bahasa baku with my Malay friends. But for a year? With so little people I can identify with? No thanks. I'd rather go for Form 6 or A-levels.. More variety of people to choose from.
Pardon my selfishness. It must be that gene in me.
The school counselor informed us that matriculation forms are up for sale.
The only condition is that you have to be taking Add Maths.
Yeah, in front of everyone including my mother ( she insisted persistently that I MUST apply for it) I sulked and whined about my bad luck ( Cause I dropped Add Maths at the start of this year) to anyone who would listen. My mother couldn't believe it & my friends were probably gloating to themselves on how lucky they are since they are still taking Add Maths.
Frankly, I couldn't give a damn. I don't want apply for matrics. It lacks the challenge, and what about the majority Malay students? I don't mind being friends with them. It's fun talking in bahasa baku with my Malay friends. But for a year? With so little people I can identify with? No thanks. I'd rather go for Form 6 or A-levels.. More variety of people to choose from.
Pardon my selfishness. It must be that gene in me.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
In my mind...
True happiness
Something I wish I could experience
before my last breath
What could worldly possessions bring;
But shortlived happiness
which is soon replaced by the want to have more
and more and more
Till it all poisons you in the end
What could love bring;
pure bliss and protection
which is soon replaced by feelings of jealousy,
insecurity, obsession, lies
and Pain in the end
you try to hide it all,
locking everything in your shattered heart,
with a smile.
What could friends bring;
laughter and joy together
Jokes which only brings you smiles for a second or so
it all seems to be an illusion in times of trouble
True friends may stay,
but how long?
Betrayal, backstabbing and no trust....
What could death bring;
uncertainties of where you might end up
A void area, dark and cold
A soul trying to find the true meaning of life
Or heaven?
Where eternal happiness is promised
But how do you feel eternal happiness,
when you don't even know how it feels to be truly happy?
Something I wish I could experience
before my last breath
What could worldly possessions bring;
But shortlived happiness
which is soon replaced by the want to have more
and more and more
Till it all poisons you in the end
What could love bring;
pure bliss and protection
which is soon replaced by feelings of jealousy,
insecurity, obsession, lies
and Pain in the end
you try to hide it all,
locking everything in your shattered heart,
with a smile.
What could friends bring;
laughter and joy together
Jokes which only brings you smiles for a second or so
it all seems to be an illusion in times of trouble
True friends may stay,
but how long?
Betrayal, backstabbing and no trust....
What could death bring;
uncertainties of where you might end up
A void area, dark and cold
A soul trying to find the true meaning of life
Or heaven?
Where eternal happiness is promised
But how do you feel eternal happiness,
when you don't even know how it feels to be truly happy?
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Yes sir, my name is Michelle Eliza.
Find Michelle Eliza! :)
We just had our confirmation today. It's a ceremony in church which is to complete the initiation rites which are ; baptism, holy communion and finally; confirmation. Which, well, sort of means to be initiated into adulthood, where we can finally defend our faith, and so forth. It's kinda hard to describe it here, you have to see it yourself to understand the beautiful thing about this.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Dearest literature
Yippee! I'm got really happy today, despite the fact that a class science trip was canceled at the last minute. The library teacher wanted to sell off the old books that were in the library since the 1960s. Worse, she even predicted that no one would want those books! And that only I would read them. She even mentioned something about recycling those wonderful books. OUCH
So I 'volunteered' (more like beg) to take some of the books back with me. There were so many to choose from; Spyri, Dickens,R.L. Stevenson, Verne, Poe...but no sight of Twain. Oh well, I grabbed 13 books including some plays by Shakespeare and some religious children books. I even got my classmate to take 5 books back.
How could you just discard those masterpieces like that? Now the books are safe with me. I even told the teacher that if no one bought the books, let me have them all! I'll return her a favour by beating the record of the number of books read in the state which is 75. Sounds too easy..
So I 'volunteered' (more like beg) to take some of the books back with me. There were so many to choose from; Spyri, Dickens,R.L. Stevenson, Verne, Poe...but no sight of Twain. Oh well, I grabbed 13 books including some plays by Shakespeare and some religious children books. I even got my classmate to take 5 books back.
How could you just discard those masterpieces like that? Now the books are safe with me. I even told the teacher that if no one bought the books, let me have them all! I'll return her a favour by beating the record of the number of books read in the state which is 75. Sounds too easy..
Thursday, June 22, 2006
STPM, here I come!!
Just a few days back, I had a shouting match with my mom on what I'm going to do after SPM. (refer to blog post before this)
The next day, I went to school and talked to friends about it because if I want to make a decision, I need to talk to someone and they just have to put up with it without answering back. That way, I can get my own answer. It just comes out like that!
Here's the conversation that went on at school yesterday.
Michelle: Hey Tilly, I don't really know what to do after SPM.
Tilly: I thought you wanted to be a speech therapist.
Michelle: Lack of funds, remember? The only way I can do it is to take on matriculation or
STPM.
Tilly: I'm trying out for matrics' too. My cousin said STPM is way too hard.
Michelle: Yeah, I know. But to think of it logically for my case, I'm moving to somewhere new, no
friends there. I have to start afresh. It may seem sensible to start out at Form 6.
Tilly: Ya-loh.
Michelle: Hey, I just remembered! Aren't the science subjects taught in English?
Tilly: Now only you know ah?
Michelle: HAHAHA! Now I have no more doubts any more! I'm going to sit for STPM and enjoy
my 2 years of extended schooling in PJ...which..also means..two more years of
ironing..school uniforms..
Tilly: Congratulations.
The next day, I went to school and talked to friends about it because if I want to make a decision, I need to talk to someone and they just have to put up with it without answering back. That way, I can get my own answer. It just comes out like that!
Here's the conversation that went on at school yesterday.
Michelle: Hey Tilly, I don't really know what to do after SPM.
Tilly: I thought you wanted to be a speech therapist.
Michelle: Lack of funds, remember? The only way I can do it is to take on matriculation or
STPM.
Tilly: I'm trying out for matrics' too. My cousin said STPM is way too hard.
Michelle: Yeah, I know. But to think of it logically for my case, I'm moving to somewhere new, no
friends there. I have to start afresh. It may seem sensible to start out at Form 6.
Tilly: Ya-loh.
Michelle: Hey, I just remembered! Aren't the science subjects taught in English?
Tilly: Now only you know ah?
Michelle: HAHAHA! Now I have no more doubts any more! I'm going to sit for STPM and enjoy
my 2 years of extended schooling in PJ...which..also means..two more years of
ironing..school uniforms..
Tilly: Congratulations.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Decisions, decisions, decisions...
My mind just went haywire as I counted the months left to the last day of school. What am I really going to do after SPM? A-levels? STPM? The impossible government Matriculation? Foundation in teaching?? I just don't know. Well, I had a clear mind on what I was going to do after SPM (speech therapy) until my mother revealed to me that there are insufficient funds to pay for the RM200,000 fees to take a degree course in Australia for 4 years. Well, I could do it if I got PSD (HAHAHA..Yeah right), or if I manage to get into matriculation to further my studies at the only university (UKM) in Malaysia that offers that degree. I don't want to do STPM. I wouldn't be able to cope with something bigger than SPM..
So I re-evaluated what I really want to do in my life. The jobs are in no particular order:
1. Speech Therapist
What's with this job? It's something that combines science and language together. No Maths. That's what I like about it. You treat patients as well as teach and guide them. Bingo! Another plus point; teaching. But, I'm having doubts whether I would really get job satisfaction from this.
2. Psychologist
Don't get me wrong. This is what my mother suggested for me to do. Apparently, there's a high demand for this job; and it's very high-paying. But I'm not really keen in doing this. Yeah, I know there're lots of divisions for this psychology, if I had to do it, I would TEACH psychology. Especially in the neuro.;clinical; educational , occupational therapist divisions. I wouldn't want to practice it...
3. Teacher
Not just any teacher. I want to teach at what I'm good at. English Literature. That is something I would really enjoy. You get to guide others on what you love and read; lots because that's what your job requires you to do. Unfortunately, my mother dampened my hopes when she said that you do not have a choice over what you want to teach. They'll choose it for you.
4. Fashion coordinator...Or anything to do with arts
I still have that part in me that loves art and designs. The former requires you to be able to predict what's the IN thing in the next season, and to be able to give fashion advice. Something I like doing. And what about arts? I love designing and drawing. Toying with graphic arts. But what's the possibility of getting employed? :(
5.Journalist/ freelance writer
I still love to write. But maybe this will go into the 'part-time jobs' list.
I'm still money-minded. But still, job satisfaction is very important to me. How would I be able to live with myself if I made a choice of something I would regret for the rest of my life?
Decisions, decisions, decisions....
So I re-evaluated what I really want to do in my life. The jobs are in no particular order:
1. Speech Therapist
What's with this job? It's something that combines science and language together. No Maths. That's what I like about it. You treat patients as well as teach and guide them. Bingo! Another plus point; teaching. But, I'm having doubts whether I would really get job satisfaction from this.
2. Psychologist
Don't get me wrong. This is what my mother suggested for me to do. Apparently, there's a high demand for this job; and it's very high-paying. But I'm not really keen in doing this. Yeah, I know there're lots of divisions for this psychology, if I had to do it, I would TEACH psychology. Especially in the neuro.;clinical; educational , occupational therapist divisions. I wouldn't want to practice it...
3. Teacher
Not just any teacher. I want to teach at what I'm good at. English Literature. That is something I would really enjoy. You get to guide others on what you love and read; lots because that's what your job requires you to do. Unfortunately, my mother dampened my hopes when she said that you do not have a choice over what you want to teach. They'll choose it for you.
4. Fashion coordinator...Or anything to do with arts
I still have that part in me that loves art and designs. The former requires you to be able to predict what's the IN thing in the next season, and to be able to give fashion advice. Something I like doing. And what about arts? I love designing and drawing. Toying with graphic arts. But what's the possibility of getting employed? :(
5.Journalist/ freelance writer
I still love to write. But maybe this will go into the 'part-time jobs' list.
I'm still money-minded. But still, job satisfaction is very important to me. How would I be able to live with myself if I made a choice of something I would regret for the rest of my life?
Decisions, decisions, decisions....
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Another tear shed
I just went to check on the house I'm going to move to in PJ this December,
to see if there was anything needed to be fixed or added.
'Something smells,' I thought to myself, as I opened the gate to the house.
And, lo behold, indeed I was right.
I found a dead cat in the house.
“What a nice present the previous owner gave us,"
Then I thought it over, that he might have wanted a nice place to die.
(The cat gave us a nice present too; a whole colony of flies.)
I looked again, something was not right.
Of course, of course…the sliding door was there alright;
only the glass, where are the panes?
Then I scampered to my room upstairs, oh what horrors could be there?
Nothing much but an old dressing table left behind,
smelling of something I couldn’t bring to mind…
And the colour!
What an eyesore!
A coating of garish blue on the wall
paired with the even more sickening orange tiles on the floor.
The windows are broken. That can be fixed.
The lightings are all missing. That can be replaced.
My hopes of a having my dream room; All erased.
(But I guess I could replan…)
to see if there was anything needed to be fixed or added.
'Something smells,' I thought to myself, as I opened the gate to the house.
And, lo behold, indeed I was right.
I found a dead cat in the house.
“What a nice present the previous owner gave us,"
Then I thought it over, that he might have wanted a nice place to die.
(The cat gave us a nice present too; a whole colony of flies.)
I looked again, something was not right.
Of course, of course…the sliding door was there alright;
only the glass, where are the panes?
Then I scampered to my room upstairs, oh what horrors could be there?
Nothing much but an old dressing table left behind,
smelling of something I couldn’t bring to mind…
And the colour!
What an eyesore!
A coating of garish blue on the wall
paired with the even more sickening orange tiles on the floor.
The windows are broken. That can be fixed.
The lightings are all missing. That can be replaced.
My hopes of a having my dream room; All erased.
(But I guess I could replan…)
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Reminiscing
I just came back from Bali. Well, there's really nothing much to see there. If there are any ancient sculpture anyway, it would probably remind me of Cambodia. Nothing beats Cambodia in terms of the historical buildings, by the way.
Only thing to enjoy is the shopping..and, oh! My first time 'spa session'. ("Hahaha" laughs the narcissistic side in me.) The beaches were nothing to shout about. Hard Rock hotel is overrated.
Thank goodness I didn't stay there. I shopped. A lot. Not enough. I left behind a skirt that was meant to be mine back there!!! It costs less than RM 20... Yeah, I'm putting up a big show over something I wanted but didn't get. But enough of Bali already.
Just recently I finished book by Amy Tan. Yeah, that great American author. In that autobiography/novel-like book, she claims not to play a part in changing the lives of her readers. It's all up to the reader. Well, reading the book has made me realize something. That all the dreams of making it big in the art ( music/ fashion designing) industry is all a big fluke. I'm not cut out to be that.
Oh where have you been all this while, my dearest language? I missed you so...You chucked me away along with writing..I'm so sorry, dear friend. I have been blinded by the false promises of the glamour jobs..I mean, you are glamorous as well..Cut the crap, and start improving your writing starting from now. You've abandoned us long enough to lose that creative flair in your vocabulary you used to have..I will, I will, dear old friend. Just let me grab a thesaurus and we'll get started...
Only thing to enjoy is the shopping..and, oh! My first time 'spa session'. ("Hahaha" laughs the narcissistic side in me.) The beaches were nothing to shout about. Hard Rock hotel is overrated.
Thank goodness I didn't stay there. I shopped. A lot. Not enough. I left behind a skirt that was meant to be mine back there!!! It costs less than RM 20... Yeah, I'm putting up a big show over something I wanted but didn't get. But enough of Bali already.
Just recently I finished book by Amy Tan. Yeah, that great American author. In that autobiography/novel-like book, she claims not to play a part in changing the lives of her readers. It's all up to the reader. Well, reading the book has made me realize something. That all the dreams of making it big in the art ( music/ fashion designing) industry is all a big fluke. I'm not cut out to be that.
Oh where have you been all this while, my dearest language? I missed you so...You chucked me away along with writing..I'm so sorry, dear friend. I have been blinded by the false promises of the glamour jobs..I mean, you are glamorous as well..Cut the crap, and start improving your writing starting from now. You've abandoned us long enough to lose that creative flair in your vocabulary you used to have..I will, I will, dear old friend. Just let me grab a thesaurus and we'll get started...
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Tre Magnifique!
It's over.
well, not exactly fully over.
I've finally finished my music theory exam...And it's not just a border-line passing score. It's a score just 3 more marks to the merit grade.
I've got a 77%...HAHAHAHA. In your face, ABRSM. In your face, my beloved music teacher.
I've passed, but NOoooOO~ You clearly showed you had no faith in me; the girl who believes in last-minute studying with the least effort put in as possible. Now look at me! Haha!
Frankly, I didn't really believe that I would get anything above 70. ( The passing mark is 66%, 80% is the merit and >90% is the distinction mark) After all, I already failed this Grade 8 test the last time..but come to think of it, why do we need to have a grading system for music? Okay, so it's more organized and civilised. Let's have an example of a scenario where I have two friends here named X & Y. X has a diploma in music. Y doesn't. Does that truly make X better than Y in music? Well, music had many divisions. I wish they teach vocals though. I'd ace it.hahaha...
Well, back to practising my piano. I've still got my Grade 7 practical music exam coming up soon...
well, not exactly fully over.
I've finally finished my music theory exam...And it's not just a border-line passing score. It's a score just 3 more marks to the merit grade.
I've got a 77%...HAHAHAHA. In your face, ABRSM. In your face, my beloved music teacher.
I've passed, but NOoooOO~ You clearly showed you had no faith in me; the girl who believes in last-minute studying with the least effort put in as possible. Now look at me! Haha!
Frankly, I didn't really believe that I would get anything above 70. ( The passing mark is 66%, 80% is the merit and >90% is the distinction mark) After all, I already failed this Grade 8 test the last time..but come to think of it, why do we need to have a grading system for music? Okay, so it's more organized and civilised. Let's have an example of a scenario where I have two friends here named X & Y. X has a diploma in music. Y doesn't. Does that truly make X better than Y in music? Well, music had many divisions. I wish they teach vocals though. I'd ace it.hahaha...
Well, back to practising my piano. I've still got my Grade 7 practical music exam coming up soon...
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Tuition VS Teachers Part 2
Just the other day, I complained to my mother about the crummy Physics 2 paper.( Always as a precaution in case of bad marks in the near future) It appears that the teacher has managed to 'overlook' this paticular topic when she was teaching us about the magnetic waves. And that paticular topic came out in the bloody paper! Maybe you would say that I probably wasn't paying attention when she was teaching. But she really didn't teach that subject. And the reason why I'm so pissed off by this whole thing is because later that night, the tuition teacher taught us about the whole topic.
Now I understand. And boy, was I depressed on how many mistakes I made in the paper. Maybe I should have read a little more ( because I don't really study on my own anyway..)
What I told my mother made her pissed off saying something about 'students nowadays think they are better than teachers'...Then I retaliated by saying that most of the teachers at school keep their knowledge to themselves...which is why I turn to my tuition teacher.
I'm not saying that all school teachers are bad. Some DO practice the 'open-sessions' where anyone is free to speak. The only class I can freely speak as I wish is the wonderful English Literature class. Otherwise, the other classes are just like spitting it out from the text books. I love interactive classes. But those are just...blehhhh~
There are three teachers whom I actually enjoy my classes with. The first has got to be my Physics/ Maths tuition teacher. My friend introduced to me to this wonderful guy. I love his classes. It's like learning science all over again. And the fact that he is always open to any questions or doubts, he'll be happy and willing to assist, makes me, the 'inquisitive one' as contented as she can be... :P. He fuses his lessons into the exercises he makes us do. And I, being the one who loves brain-teasers and competition, never regretted stepping in to that class. Maybe it's because the class is small. Maybe because it's 7o% interacting and 30% teaching. I don't know. He's better than all my school teachers added up together.
Maybe except my English Literature teacher. But sometimes, she can be prone to a little droning..
The last teacher is my Sunday school teacher. Now his classes are a 90% interacting and 10% teaching. And his students learn more about life than anywhere else. Not even your favorite tuition centers can beat him. He talks on political, racial and religious issues in the class. Once he even talked about the gospel of Judas & the gospel of Dan Brown.."What's all this hype about those things? You people are ignoring all the other important things such as the poor and the sick in the third-world countries..and if you want the watch the movie, watch it! I believe you are all mature enough to separate fact from fiction." What I like about him is that; he treats us like adults; is always open to views no matter who you are, heck, he treats us as though we are his drink buddies...A role model? you've got it.
Back to reality. After telling my mother about the teacher who 'has gold in her mouth', she told me off saying that I needed to put in my OWN initiative. Which I will have problems with that in the future. I need people to guide me, no matter what they say about teenager wanting independence...
Now I understand. And boy, was I depressed on how many mistakes I made in the paper. Maybe I should have read a little more ( because I don't really study on my own anyway..)
What I told my mother made her pissed off saying something about 'students nowadays think they are better than teachers'...Then I retaliated by saying that most of the teachers at school keep their knowledge to themselves...which is why I turn to my tuition teacher.
I'm not saying that all school teachers are bad. Some DO practice the 'open-sessions' where anyone is free to speak. The only class I can freely speak as I wish is the wonderful English Literature class. Otherwise, the other classes are just like spitting it out from the text books. I love interactive classes. But those are just...blehhhh~
There are three teachers whom I actually enjoy my classes with. The first has got to be my Physics/ Maths tuition teacher. My friend introduced to me to this wonderful guy. I love his classes. It's like learning science all over again. And the fact that he is always open to any questions or doubts, he'll be happy and willing to assist, makes me, the 'inquisitive one' as contented as she can be... :P. He fuses his lessons into the exercises he makes us do. And I, being the one who loves brain-teasers and competition, never regretted stepping in to that class. Maybe it's because the class is small. Maybe because it's 7o% interacting and 30% teaching. I don't know. He's better than all my school teachers added up together.
Maybe except my English Literature teacher. But sometimes, she can be prone to a little droning..
The last teacher is my Sunday school teacher. Now his classes are a 90% interacting and 10% teaching. And his students learn more about life than anywhere else. Not even your favorite tuition centers can beat him. He talks on political, racial and religious issues in the class. Once he even talked about the gospel of Judas & the gospel of Dan Brown.."What's all this hype about those things? You people are ignoring all the other important things such as the poor and the sick in the third-world countries..and if you want the watch the movie, watch it! I believe you are all mature enough to separate fact from fiction." What I like about him is that; he treats us like adults; is always open to views no matter who you are, heck, he treats us as though we are his drink buddies...A role model? you've got it.
Back to reality. After telling my mother about the teacher who 'has gold in her mouth', she told me off saying that I needed to put in my OWN initiative. Which I will have problems with that in the future. I need people to guide me, no matter what they say about teenager wanting independence...
Monday, April 24, 2006
You contradicting fool!
My dad who just came back from Sudan picked me up from tuition and asked me " How are you?"
And so, in the 5-second time frame I have to give my respond, I thought:
How am I? Well, physically I am well..except for that little sore throat. But inside mentally? How would you want me to answer? After 3 months of being away, you ask me how I am?
I might be able to answer if you asked me about the weather, or which clothes are the hardest to iron..( The kain for the baju kurung..:P) or how I did in the monthly exam. Not about my welfare...well, it's well taken care of, for your information dad, but I think my being is quite disturbed, I must say...
No, it's not depression. No! It's not stress! Bloody hell! I'm not losing my mind!!!! FCUK OFF!..well, we could compromise on the latter, couldn't we..hahahaha...
Archangel Michael: May I interject?
Michelle : Do I even have a choice, my dear good friend?
Archangel Michael: I wouldn't give it to you, dear... but this is what you can tell your dad..I've noticed that recently, you have been extremely short-tempered, unrationale and worst of all; bad judgement... And must I mention stubborness?
Michelle: I got that from my mother..and besides I was having PMS at that time so..
AM: Oh, and being defensive and wishy-washy about things..what did your teacher say? Going round the bush or something like that.
Michelle : You know I hate doing that, but it just happens nowadays whether I want it or not..I am in a disarray, sometimes I wish I could just start over. But now, I am having a little more fun at school with my fun-loving friends..not like those I used to sit with..
AM: Miss S?
Michelle : Oh, yes...
AM: Oh well, she was nice. I'll miss her presence..
Michelle: I'm actually quite satisfied with my life now...the academic, the social life, religious life..but then when I think about all that's happened in the past, I cry.
AM: You bloody 'woman-with-issues', all you have to do is let go and forget and FORGIVE yourself! God has forgiven you already and if you want others to sympathize with you, sorry, you've got the wrong number sister!
Michelle: It's harder than you think...the more I try to forget, the more I hate myself..I'm becoming everything I used to hate..
Archangel Michael: Remember Michelle, that I will always be at your side to the death. I will guide you along as you move along with time and when trouble stirs up again, I will....
"Michelle!"an exasperated father shouted.
"Huh?" I realized that I have passed the maximum time of giving a response...
"How are you? "he asked.
And I answered with the full evaluation of my 5 second debate in me;
"I'm okay"
And so, in the 5-second time frame I have to give my respond, I thought:
How am I? Well, physically I am well..except for that little sore throat. But inside mentally? How would you want me to answer? After 3 months of being away, you ask me how I am?
I might be able to answer if you asked me about the weather, or which clothes are the hardest to iron..( The kain for the baju kurung..:P) or how I did in the monthly exam. Not about my welfare...well, it's well taken care of, for your information dad, but I think my being is quite disturbed, I must say...
No, it's not depression. No! It's not stress! Bloody hell! I'm not losing my mind!!!! FCUK OFF!..well, we could compromise on the latter, couldn't we..hahahaha...
Archangel Michael: May I interject?
Michelle : Do I even have a choice, my dear good friend?
Archangel Michael: I wouldn't give it to you, dear... but this is what you can tell your dad..I've noticed that recently, you have been extremely short-tempered, unrationale and worst of all; bad judgement... And must I mention stubborness?
Michelle: I got that from my mother..and besides I was having PMS at that time so..
AM: Oh, and being defensive and wishy-washy about things..what did your teacher say? Going round the bush or something like that.
Michelle : You know I hate doing that, but it just happens nowadays whether I want it or not..I am in a disarray, sometimes I wish I could just start over. But now, I am having a little more fun at school with my fun-loving friends..not like those I used to sit with..
AM: Miss S?
Michelle : Oh, yes...
AM: Oh well, she was nice. I'll miss her presence..
Michelle: I'm actually quite satisfied with my life now...the academic, the social life, religious life..but then when I think about all that's happened in the past, I cry.
AM: You bloody 'woman-with-issues', all you have to do is let go and forget and FORGIVE yourself! God has forgiven you already and if you want others to sympathize with you, sorry, you've got the wrong number sister!
Michelle: It's harder than you think...the more I try to forget, the more I hate myself..I'm becoming everything I used to hate..
Archangel Michael: Remember Michelle, that I will always be at your side to the death. I will guide you along as you move along with time and when trouble stirs up again, I will....
"Michelle!"an exasperated father shouted.
"Huh?" I realized that I have passed the maximum time of giving a response...
"How are you? "he asked.
And I answered with the full evaluation of my 5 second debate in me;
"I'm okay"
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Trial and error?? Tchah!
This week is Holy Week. Which Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday & Easter Sunday all fall on. And I'm supposed to be at my best behaved self. Which I find it all very hard to do...
I went to church today, not because I'm feeling holy & all; but because I actually felt guilt. Not because of what I've done; but what I've done to a certain comrade. I blatantly blamed her for something she absolutely did not do, because my mind was at a certain rate of desparation to just blame anyone that resulted my demise for my own comfort, in spite of myself.
Instead of just asking her right there and then, I decided to keep silent to myself and bury my false disgust & contempt for all the things she did not do. And when I received the ego-crushing truth, I didn't apologize to her. I thought of just doing that after I cooled down a bit...did I? NOOOOooooOO~ I didn't even bother smiling at her.I just continued ignoring her, taking cue from her doing the same thing unto me.
Now she has moved to the other side of the class to be with her bumi friends and my gang member has come to join over the dark side!!HAHAHAHA...just one more left to complete the four of us..the 'kuali gang'..Now that we're both happy with who we're sitting with; ( she'll have more fun with people who share the same passion of telenovelas, footie & thrashy drama chits) & (I'll have fun playing a fool around with my fun members instead of boring myself to death with a girl who doesn't believe in having fun physically...)
I don't expect to forgive me. We both have been sharing the same thing for over 4 years; to lack to forgive or to say sorry. Which is exactly what we're doing unto each other now. My ego is turning me away from even mentioning the word 'sorry'. Her pride is stopping her from offering me peace...But I don't blame her. She has every right to be angry with me. I do not deserve such a sweet, innocent young chit for a friend. She'll be better off without me. She deserves every right to call me 'that woman'...I am still not going to say sorry. After reevaluating our friendship fpr the past couple of years, and (again!) presuming what would happen if I did say sorry...Hah! I'd rather eat my shoe than to give in...protecting my ego right now is the only thing that is keeping my head high. That is what keeping me sane right now with all the trouble brewing deep inside me...
Still I weep, for the evil I have selfishly and stupidly done unto her...
I went to church today, not because I'm feeling holy & all; but because I actually felt guilt. Not because of what I've done; but what I've done to a certain comrade. I blatantly blamed her for something she absolutely did not do, because my mind was at a certain rate of desparation to just blame anyone that resulted my demise for my own comfort, in spite of myself.
Instead of just asking her right there and then, I decided to keep silent to myself and bury my false disgust & contempt for all the things she did not do. And when I received the ego-crushing truth, I didn't apologize to her. I thought of just doing that after I cooled down a bit...did I? NOOOOooooOO~ I didn't even bother smiling at her.I just continued ignoring her, taking cue from her doing the same thing unto me.
Now she has moved to the other side of the class to be with her bumi friends and my gang member has come to join over the dark side!!HAHAHAHA...just one more left to complete the four of us..the 'kuali gang'..Now that we're both happy with who we're sitting with; ( she'll have more fun with people who share the same passion of telenovelas, footie & thrashy drama chits) & (I'll have fun playing a fool around with my fun members instead of boring myself to death with a girl who doesn't believe in having fun physically...)
I don't expect to forgive me. We both have been sharing the same thing for over 4 years; to lack to forgive or to say sorry. Which is exactly what we're doing unto each other now. My ego is turning me away from even mentioning the word 'sorry'. Her pride is stopping her from offering me peace...But I don't blame her. She has every right to be angry with me. I do not deserve such a sweet, innocent young chit for a friend. She'll be better off without me. She deserves every right to call me 'that woman'...I am still not going to say sorry. After reevaluating our friendship fpr the past couple of years, and (again!) presuming what would happen if I did say sorry...Hah! I'd rather eat my shoe than to give in...protecting my ego right now is the only thing that is keeping my head high. That is what keeping me sane right now with all the trouble brewing deep inside me...
Still I weep, for the evil I have selfishly and stupidly done unto her...
Monday, April 10, 2006
Recent ruminitions
I pride myself on everything I am except for one thing...my lack of stealth. No matter what I do, it always gets found out in the end. Especially things I don't want others to find out. Oh, the irony.
I just felt like it because when I see others do it effortlessly and flawless as though it's just a part of your everyday life, I get covetous easily. For some it may seem like something you do; something wrong; the biggest crime; … but I view it as a goal, it big accomplishment for me that is worthy of self-praise..
But when I did it, the world went tumbling down upon me in one heap! I did feel a bit euphoric (just a 1/5 fraction of what I felt after getting my monthly test results…: P) that I’ve accomplished one of my goals. I’ve ticked it off my ‘things-to-do’ lifelong list.
Then some people, who obviously don’t share the same passion with me… (hahaha~) felt that they are responsible for my ‘mistake’ and decided to counsel me by giving warnings and use-full(less) advice. Which of course I naturally turn a deaf ear upon all their ramblings…There were repercussions, nothing too big except one. But it will be fixed anyway, so I don’t really worry about it. Now in this process of trying to reason with these people, I managed to hurt a comrade’s feelings by doing what I do best; presume & assume. Blaming is an extension of that skill. The problem is, I no longer feel guilt or remorse. But I only felt sorry for hurting feelings of those around me…That is what I’m trying to fix.
But then, comes ego. I always had a problem saying this word ‘sorry’ especially for big things. I always turn defensive and in the end, those who find fault in me often give up. So, if by any chance the comrade or a friend of her should read this, I send my apologies to her.
The deed:
I played truant.
I just felt like it because when I see others do it effortlessly and flawless as though it's just a part of your everyday life, I get covetous easily. For some it may seem like something you do; something wrong; the biggest crime; … but I view it as a goal, it big accomplishment for me that is worthy of self-praise..
But when I did it, the world went tumbling down upon me in one heap! I did feel a bit euphoric (just a 1/5 fraction of what I felt after getting my monthly test results…: P) that I’ve accomplished one of my goals. I’ve ticked it off my ‘things-to-do’ lifelong list.
Then some people, who obviously don’t share the same passion with me… (hahaha~) felt that they are responsible for my ‘mistake’ and decided to counsel me by giving warnings and use-full(less) advice. Which of course I naturally turn a deaf ear upon all their ramblings…There were repercussions, nothing too big except one. But it will be fixed anyway, so I don’t really worry about it. Now in this process of trying to reason with these people, I managed to hurt a comrade’s feelings by doing what I do best; presume & assume. Blaming is an extension of that skill. The problem is, I no longer feel guilt or remorse. But I only felt sorry for hurting feelings of those around me…That is what I’m trying to fix.
But then, comes ego. I always had a problem saying this word ‘sorry’ especially for big things. I always turn defensive and in the end, those who find fault in me often give up. So, if by any chance the comrade or a friend of her should read this, I send my apologies to her.
The deed:
I played truant.
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