Tres Magnifique!

Last Thursday, a few friends and I decided to attend a piano workshop & concert by the Spaniard; Mr. David Gomez, as a celebration for the end of the monthly test. Here's the introduction I've taken from the concert leaflet, if you don't know who the hell this guy is. ( NOT to be confused with the Malaysian Indian David gomez, the jazz musician, mind you..)

"Spanish pianist David Gomez, born in 1974 first received his professional concert piano diploma from the Conservatorio de Palma de Mallorca, Spain. Giving his first concert at the age of 15, David further perfected his performance under the guidance of many famous pianists.
This pianist has gained international recognition and has played in legendary theatres such as National Concert Hall in Dublin, St Martin in The Fields in London, Cairo Opera House, Chicago Cultural Center, Pushkin Museum in Moscow and more. "

Well, honestly, I've never heard of the guy. Until I saw the advert in the small corner of the Tempo section from the NST newspaper. Constance asked me if I wanted to go since she had 6 tickets to the concert. What made me say yes, was when she told me it was absolutely free! So I happily skipped my Maths tuition class with Syahira and tagged along with Connie, Shaz, Fiona, and Soo Teng.

When we got there, the hall was filled with a disappointing number of people clumped here and there. . Then, BOOM! As we took our seats, we caught sight of the gorgeous and breathtaking view of the grand piano ( The guy actually..haha). He looked so much better than the picture in the leaflet!. It says he was 32 this year but he looked as though he was 23..And the beige suit he wore over a striped business shirt made us giggle with glee...Well, you know how we, the local girls act around those Europeans..

He came over to ask for volunteers to play the piano. I said I couldn't play without a score ( Later, he reprimanded the crowd for not bringing their scores) and encouraged SooTeng to play instead. A girl whom later I got to know as Sherleen, 16 got up to play first and BOY, was she good or what..I got to know that she is currently finishing up her diploma course and waiting for her SPM before she takes up her job offer to teach music in Singapore. How lucky is that?

Soo Teng played a Japanese piece she was supposed to perform at a Yamaha concert back in Kajang on Friday. Real nice. She's taking her diploma too this year in practical. Both girls are not quite done with their theory in music yet. Like Sherleen's father said " You're either good in practical, or theory." I guess that applies to me. I'm too lazy to practice my piano pieces.


David Gomez was helping those who went up to play better. I muffled a laugh as he began to push the girls on their backs to apply more pressure on the keys as they play the songs. So I guessed those who went in front were the only one that benefited from it.

from left: Me! , Sherleen & soo teng

Anyway, we got a 3 hour brake in between before the concert. So the whole of us started arguing on whether we should go to Sogo or just plain McD. I wanted to go to Sogo to redeem a three-piece gift set from Shisheido. The girls want to go to Mc D because they say the streets of KL look scary at night..bullshit, we ended up at Mc D chatting until 7.30. After a little shopping at Watson's, we walked back to the Panggung Bandaraya to find the handsome David Gomez in a sleek black tux, talking to the Spanish Ambassadors in Spanish. I noticed Syahira and Shazwani swooning already beside me. The effect of watching too many Spanish telenovelas.. Got his autograph before anyone else. Had a little chat with him before we proceeded to the concert hall. This man is really friendly!

We were supposed to sit in the back row, but somehow, the concert turned into a free-seating thing, so Soo Teng, Sherleen & father, and I sat in the second row..The rest sat in the middle because they felt 'shy'..And the maestro started playing..Oh, it was lovely. Far beyond any word I can come up with to describe it. It was aneccentricc mix of jazz, romantic period music, and a bit of tango here and there. Though it was rudely interrupted with his sharp, buzzing breathing and the creaking piano chair..hahaha..it was a night to remember for a singleton like me.

You can hear some of his work here :www.davidgomezpiano.com

At the end of the show, we managed to snap some photographs with him and slip him a thank you card. He says he would reply, but you know it never happens..

-Michelle & Sherleen getting all flabbergasted with David!-

The next day at school I fell terribly sick..The friends who were busy teasing me (Ooh, michelle's completely in love with this guy & she's flirting back with him the whole time) ;were now gushing over how manly and gorgeous he looked. Now the whole class wants me to wash the pictures as soon as possible. I went back home with a M.C after recess feeling sicker than ever..

Well, after all that, I realised that all I need to do is to practice more. I have to play the piano as though I am making love to the piano. Another part of me inside is telling me to ignore all that, and just continue listening to my favourite jazz hour on the radio, Tuesday nights..

Just another day before exam.

Mr. Pelly forced all of us to participate in the PMPC 2006.

That's right.

The "Pastoral Malaysian Pre-Convention"..or something like that.

Usually the people will tell us the good stuff and hide all the bad stuff on these kind of meetings.

But, not Mr. Pelly

He told us that he's sending us there to make us suffer. To make sure we know how the feeling is like for an event that repeats itself each decade.
And every decade, it's the same old thing repeated again & again.
PMPC is a meeting held with all the parishioners on the church (and its ppl) on the developments.

I felt like a living corpse.

Most of the time I went out to the bathroom to "refresh" myself.

In the end I couldn't take it any more.

This is where I ended up. The Cyber cafe typing this. Haha.

Camp fever. Exam fever!

Just recently, the different churches around the Kuala Lumpur archdiocise organized a vocation camp for the youths. Now, basically I went there for a spirit enlightenment or something ( Lord, forgive me for saying this) But most of the time I was busy getting to know almost everyone who asked for my name at the camp..haha..Not that it was bad in anyway..but I rather the Life in the Spirit seminar. I found that one better.

Come Monday. End of school holiday. First day of exam this year. (school exam that is. The resit for my Grade 8 music theory last monday doesn't count) Also the last march monthly exam of my school life. And i haven't prepared for it. Haha. The irony makes me gag. If there are any that is.

Quick! sorry

I wish I could elaborate, but I'm running out of time to be online so I'll be brief and short for now.

Too many things happened this week and I'm dying to write a book-lengthed post about it..maybe another day.

1. I got kicked out of the debate team! For being too nice and loyal to ppl I befriended, this is what I get? Stepped on and beaten through & through. Hah. I'm not backing out yet. I still might have a chance..

2. CONVENT WON AGAIN IN ZONE LEVEL!!! YES!!! (but it could've been nicer if Saujana were in the finals)

3. Sports day! I got the silver medal for the 200m race! Yay! Blue house got 3rd place for the 1st time in 23 years after being in the last spot since..I dunno. :D

Debate

Yes!!!I've finally made it to the debate team!!! I don't know how, but I did it!! I was selected to go into the research team!! Yay!!

The teacher proposed a small briefing meeting in the library; it'd never seemed so full before! There were plenty of over-esthuistic girls and those who just kept quiet. All my juniors. I was lost amidst the sea of these over-excited chattering females. The only 17 year old. Thankfully I quickly made forged a friendship with two 15-year-old girls who seemed to have experience in debating; One was an ex-debater, the other is a daughter of an ex-debater. And I? Just someone who got interested after watching a few debate matches. HAHAAHA~ Wonderful.

Then the hard part. The selection process. There were about >40 girls in the room. And only a minimum of 5 would be in the main team. ( 3 active speakers & 2 reserves) Thankfully the 14 &13 year old girls were called by the teacher to step out for a 'talk'. So that leaves the seniors. Still about more than ten left. After about 10 agonizing minutes, the teacher called out the names after giving the usual motivation speech: (you can do better, you have the potential... all of you do. But we need the best of the best since we're running out of time..so try again next year)

I was selected together with..surprise-surprise..Darma decided to turn up after all. That means I'm not the only Form 5 here..haha

Topics this year are as stupid as usual:

1. Modern inventions have made us lazy
2. the internet is a devil in disguise
3. teen social problems are caused by bad parenting
4. Sex education should be taught in school..(ooh, the ministry is getting us to do their homework)

Discussion was hell..in the end, we didn't even get anything out of it. Now excuse me while I do my research for the topics.

Burned-out????

Haih...it's getting so hard nowadays to think of anything to write about these days...I'm getting burned out! Everyday I have something to do; tuitions, classes, and the rest of it. It all sums up to about 10 hours for me to sleep, eat and..er, well..do my homework & study? (yeah right..the word study doesn't belong in your vocabulary Michelle)

So I try my best to make time for myself. I admit it. I'm a social-maniac. I need at least someone to talk to each day or else I'll get freaked out and get bouts of hysterias!!

I thought I would be able to handle it..all the club and librarian administrative work. Bullshit!! My classmates don't see it, (because I hide it so well with my famous fake smile and high-pitched laugh) but damn, do I feel stressed out or what. Plus, with the deadline of the Moral project & the BRATZ essay coming up..I really wonder how I stay sane with all of this.

A part of me just feels like letting it all go..moving to a different school as a normal student, with no cares, no expectations from your friends and teachers, less responsibility and more freedom and happiness. Happiness..ah..such a distant feeling~The real Michelle (the evil & the nice added up together) hates being tied down. She's a real freedom seeker and is at her happiest when there are no cares at all in earth. Looks like that will only happen at the event of my death..haih...

Yet a part of me still wants me to hang on to it all..despite all the pain. Just for the papers..hahaha..stupid certificates. That's the main reason I'm hanging on. And for the fun of it.

Rock on!

I just can't get enough of emo..no..That's not it.

Rock music. Yeah! That's it.

There's where my heart really is

Alternative, Metal, Brit rock, screamo, acid jazz...

I wished the local radio stations would play more my kind of music and less of that New-Boyband-Rock-group music..with all that pretty boys and stuff like that..

Yet, I still like hip-hop cuz' it gets me on my feet. That's the problem with some screamos, as much as I love them. You can't do anything but headbang..

Tuition verses teachers

Oh boy, it's only the first month and I've already broken one of my New Year's resolution..

Nothing to do with my social life (it's just fine and dandy, thank you very much)

It's the busy and tight schedule I have now. I never expected Form 5 life to be that hard!
I mean, the was the school moved all the Co-curricullum activities to the weekdays is one thing, but I have a suspicion that the teachers are doing this in order to prevent us from going to tuition centers..

The teachers are getting really annoying. All of them seem to have a grudge on these tuition centers..(save one, she offers tuition classes herself..Hahaha, how ironic..) Why? It's not going to change the amount of the salary they receive anyway..Yet, everyday at the start of each class, they give a prep talk to discourage us from joining all this extra help things..It's not the teachers..I mean, some of them are good and all but they won't work with everyone.Everybody has a preference of their own.

I for example, prefer individual attention because, then, I would'nt shift my attention somewhere else when someone is paying full attention to me! Hahaha..We do need extra help in our studies. Because the government won't consider changing the examination-based school we go to, what do you expect? Tuitions are popping out everywhere. We students just can't resist the smell of getting better grades at school..(and the chance of getting to meet new members of the opposite sex..hehehehe)

Even the good students go for tuitions.( God knows why) I have one friend my ( who's one of the top scorers anyway, but none of them can beat me at the English Language..HAHAHA..pardon my egocentricity) who goes for 3..Yes, THREE different tuition classes for the same subject, Add Maths. And she doesn't even need them. Her analytical state of mind far surpasses all those in my school..And she's highly considering the job prospect of being an acturist. For God's sake, I don't know how she fits everything into her schedule..Chemistry, piano, Physics, Biology,religious school, Modern maths, Add Maths, Accounts, Malay language( something else she's perfect at..Hey I'm good as well, my teacher just praised me over my sentence building yesterday..), and other things..Maybe I should go for tuition under her for time management. That's something I'm very bad at.

Which reminds me, my piano class is in one hour's time and I haven't practised my songs or done my theory homework yet. And I'm not supposed to be using the computer until I finish all my homework.

Oh well, you can't beat the heart of a 'true blogger'..

Yesterday I was reconciled with my true love..the one I selfishly locked away in my heart for myself..it has been so long since I met him..

The books o' my school library!!! Oh, how I cherished every single one of you..even the crappy books meant for those who are just starting to set their foot in the literature world~All the Macmillian school-based novels..The feeling is indescribable!!!

I was there yesterday to help the teachers process the new books and to make the library fit for humans to venture in..Just the joy of being able to borrow and savour these books after processing and registering them thrills me as much as it pains me to be in the knowledge that some fool would borrow the books and respect it as though it was toilet tissue paper..Well, I guess it's a way for Literature to grow..even though it has to start from the bottom..

There were these boring BM books the new library teacher chose ( I never said she was a good decision maker..but then again, those books were sponsered by the government..hmm), the Hardy Boys collection, and the lovely, lovely literary books! O' of Twain, Defoe, Doyle, Verne & the other great writers the world can ever find..I found it all here! Well, the books don't pay justice to the maestros because they are all abridged and rearranged to be fit for the secondary students' IQ capacity. Hmmpph! Such an insult. Would you imagine what the choleric Mr. Twain would have said if he knew what these scoundrels did to his works of art??

I was instructing and giving pointers to some newly recruited-librarians to label the Hardy Boys books when one of them reported to me the missing numbers of Books #2 & #59. How could this happen?? All the books were checked in and throughly before they even made it here! Then the teacher told me that those books were unavailable in Malaysia since they dissent with the teachings and beliefs of the Islam religion..

Not that I support that, I personally would boycott the book if it touches sensitive issues on Christianity..such as the highly successful Da Vinci Code. This is a democratic country..so what happened to the open-mind thing? Everyone deserves free speech. It's a free world after all..If you can allow the Da Vinci Code, why not Hardy Boys? Just two books to complete the collection and that's it!..

Well, I'm not really a big fan of the Hardy Boys nor have I any interest in the politics business..sometimes a love or a hobby can be overwhelming to me..

It's finally over for good

It's officially over.

I called him a last time to confirm it.

Because he can never say something to me unless it's from a mouth of another friend.

His friend said the guy still loved me.

He denied every single thing as usual.

I'm fed up! So now I consider myself rid of him forever. He's just another one of the heartbreakers..But thanks, Vicky. You've opened up my eyes to this bigger world after setting me free. I know you're not going to read this. You never do. But, hey..I'm free! I'm finally free!

Just a day in school.. a LONG LONG day

I'm having such a freakin' great time at school now..It's a really nice feeling to watch my friends struggle with Additional Maths while I just sit down there and stare at the teacher's face.

Apparently, I'm the first Pure Science student to drop Additional Mathematics in my Form..but somehow, no one is really affected by the choice I made. My teacher didn't even flinch when I told her about me dropping the subject. Why? Because for the whole previous year, I had never paid attention in her class nor have I done any of the homework given to us. It had no effect on my parents because it is them, who suggested that I drop the subject if I want to!

Hell yeah, so it didn't long for me to make my mind. I don't like the subject..I find it easy to fail..basicly I'm just not the analytical type..I'm more the logical, language & general knowledge person. Modern Mathematics seems fine to me. I don't have a problem getting an A1 for that..Fuck Add maths. Fuck the stereotyping that Add Maths is a MUST for university applicants. Heck, does "Tassels" ( I hope I got that right) actually need Additional Maths? I don't think so.

I've been pretty busy at school lately-as a treasurer for two clubs, form representative for a club and the dicipline head for the Librarians..things would never come easy I tell you..Today we had a talk for the heads, secretaries, and treasurers for all the clubs in a management course..Pure bullshit. I wasted 2 hours listening to the teachers admiring their own voice with nothing..Well, just a bit I guess. I learnt some things I need to do as a treasurer I guess. All it did was just create guilt in me when one mentioned the responsibility of keeping the money safe & sound.
I lost the money I collected for one club last year in a break-in.

If you've been following the local news lately, the government has been talking about lifting the ban on bringing mobile phones to school! The dicipline teacher talked about that today, and once we get a letter confirming the change, we'll be able to bring the phones and show it off to our friends! Yay!

Problem is: I don't have a mobile phone with me yet. :(

And..without furthur ado..SHE'S BACK to the show !

Yes, people!

Michelle's back to business~
No (almost) depression, no more insecurities, no more pahetic heartbreaks..uh-uh~

She's regained her confidence and pride, will isolate herself less now, and is definately primed to meet new people without fear!

2005 at a glance

It's been a hell of a year. Another one more changing points in my life...the fact that I can just talk to ANYONE now.Before this I used to be; having doubts about my confidence, nervous, having stage-frights..blablabla..the list goes on. But now, I have no problem communicating with anyone at all..hahaha~ And I'm actually quite happy with myself now about the way I turned out to be.

The other big turning point in my life was when I was 10 years old. I couldn't find any friends then since I was streamed into the best class..which was notorious for its snobbish & bitchy ( yea, at 10 years old, some girls can be BITCHY) inhabitants. I was feeling alone, an outsider. It's nice knowing that you qualify being in the first class, but I couldn't take it at all.. So I ventured out in the dark side of the town..mixed with new people from other schools. Entered my first ( childish) gang and had my first fight ( and my first defeat).. I built my personality from there. Building a hard shell on the outside was compulsary for me to withstand all the bullying and name-calling.. I grew stronger as the years pass by..with its ups and DOWNS teaching me what to do and not to do. All this play an important role now because it teaches me the do's & don'ts in social interactions without hurting my ego in any way..

Now at 17 years old..as 7 years has passed..I smile when I think of the years I struggle to be known by all, to be popular in my own way..doing things God would frown upon, things my classmates would never approve at any degree at all. I laugh when I think back on how immature my actions and thoughts were in the past. Do I regret? No..though there are some things I wish I could change in my past years...all the bitter sweet crap..hahaha~

January
-Met new classmates. The froghead is unfortunately in the same class with me..
-Joined PTM tuition again for the 4th year..met two people there in which one of them
would change my life forever
-Got fired as the Ketua Hari by the corrupt Libarian AJK

February
-Settled in class comfortably..drifting away from the preppy friends to the fun ones.
-Finally quit church choir ( now I thank myself for that, the CM found someone new to
bully)

March
- School hosted Kajang zone debate..hang out and got closer to the Saujana ppl
-Flunked my theory Grade 8..now I don't know if I should continue or not..

April
-Parents left to Rome for 8 days..8 days of using the net after 12am..hahaha
-HELP institute debate with High school Made 3 new friends! (JH, Ragu & MJ)
-Librarian interview for elections..sucked at it
- Lost terribly to the Yong from High School at scrabble..the rest of the matched were fine.

May- the terrible biking accident..ouch

June
-HELP debate again! The same day my mom went to collect my red-marked report card..
-Got over my 5 year crush! Finally..with some help from MJ

July
-Got elected as the Head Dicipline for school library..bitchin' about it all month..haha
-Stress! Too many exams in a months for me to handle

August
-Less Stage fright after a big blow to my ego
-First time behind a wheel! Go-kart that is..

September
-Finals are near! And as usual Michelle's not prepared for it! ( This year this will
change)

October
-Got caught for skipping class for the second time..Damn PTM
-House got burgled the day he asked me to go out with him..the guilty feeling.ah~
-Became an item with that guy..hehee..some might say we're going a lil' too fast.
-Went to Cambodia..haha..so happy to see Jia Hui jealous..

November
-Went out for movie with a guy for the 1st time!!! Well, in a gang actually
-Mom found out about our relationship..we sorta broke up..lol..
-My birthday passed without much hype.. :p/:(

December
-Officially broke up with the guy..so regretful I didn't do it first..
- Met so many new ppl at Sunny Yee's intensive SPM course..and new numbers in my
phone book..hahahaha~ ;D
-Spent New Year's Eve in the car of my friend while listening to rock junk on her
handphone outside the church

And now it's January 2006...What's a new year without any resolutions?

1-I'm single, hot and ready to mingle...hahaha
2-No more risky, fast relationships..
3-Study on a regular basis & stick to it!!!!
4-Meet more people and go out more..
5-Be nicer..not only in trains and buses..hahaha
6-Save money for shopping and to buy dream handphone (Sony Erricson W800i)
7-Be more active in church..
8-7 has always been my lucky number so I'll stick to it..lol

I just found out that Jia Hui is 16 years old just like me!!!! Well, technicaly, he's 17 this year..but wow..this is shocking to me after all..Damnit, and to think I treated him like a senior..Damn PTS..I could've skipped one year of school as well, but my ickle-fickle mind prevented me..hahaha..

Culture cross

Last Thursday, I (sort of) celebrated the Tang Yuen festival with my mom at home. We didn't really celebrate it in the traditional way..my mother just bought the prepacked rice ball dough from the market and boiled in it sweet pandan-&-rock sugar syrup. Only the both of us ate it. My brother was more interested in his "Judgement Day" show on TechTV. What really made my mother celebrate was the fact that I reminded her days before the festival. She was rather surprised because:

-I was never really keen on it..

-This daughter who isn't really supportive of her own race is suddenly talking about making rice balls..well, they do call me the blood-betrayer.But it was my mother who ignited the flame in me. Yes, I support my Chinese counterparts anytime, but why do you think we're living in Malaysia for? If my mother is thinking of the benefits, she might as well pack her bags and move back to China where our distant relatives are.

My mother discriminates. No, I'm not proud of it at all because I believe we're all the same creatures created by God, in different colours, sizes and personalities. That's all. I mix with my Indian friends and my Malay friends more than I do with my blood cousins? Why? I find that the Indians are the least racist among all the races and that the Malays are more willing to step down from their pedestals and mix with anyone at all! I have some decent Chinese friends who do not discriminate..I guess it's in the blood of most of the orients..don't we just love to critizise? I guess that's my mother's speciality..hahaha.

I'm ranting on my mother on the hope that she finds this post to change her ways once and for all...I'm getting tired of her nagging me on why I have all this weird friends and why I attract the wrong attention all the time..Sorry to those I offended..but I am proud of being a Chinese. Heck, I have the blood of the emperor's imperial warriors..hahaha~

In the past years I'd usually go to my wai poh's house just to savour the sweet rice balls in its delicate pink and white colours. But my (thrifty-minded) mother will just go there because my wai-poh usually prepared lunch with it..Y'kno..the usual Chinese cuisine; braised pork ribs, steamed chicken, fish..Well, compared to my mother's, I wouldn't mind eating my wai-poh's cooking the same thing everyday..I can match her, not my mother..no one could match her in knowing the right amount of ingredients or time needed to prepare the perfect dish..
But this year, I guess she got tired of making the balls ( pardon the pun) so she decided to just make some for praying..I heard from a fellow blogger that the Tang yuen is made as an offering to the messenger in the hope that it will create a good impression of the family when he delivers the message to the heavens..

My family is not really keen on this stuff because we belong to the Christian faith. So I try my best to be proud of my culture I guess. Merry Christmas eve to you all!!
P/s: Do not eat Tang yuen when cold. Disgusting.

It's the season of the year!

Kajang has never been so busy before as far as I remember. The town is infested with people..all typical Malaysians doing their last-minute back to school & Christmas shopping. I've done my Christmas shopping already though this year I started a little later than usual. I know, I know..year-end stuff's prices will cut down with ridiculous discounts and all.
The main point of buying gifts early in the year is for the hope that the recepients would not be able to find out on how much you spent on their gifts AND they cannot make an exchange for what you gave them..(bwahaha)

Time goes too fast though. Next year, I'm already sitting for the big test. SPaM. And ready for my driving license ( no hope to ride a motorbike. The overbearing parents won't let me). But the most important thing is I'm turning 17!The senior year of the goverment schools..That's one more year to the legal age.One more year of school. Sigh..So I decided to make up the most of my school life next year..do everything I wanted to finish before school ends..Have awards and stuff like that. Prepare a list of things to do like the one below...

Things-to-do 2006

1. Get a new knapsack ( mom saw the same design in the market for half the price..dammit)
2. Make sure I'm well known by all in the school.
3. Make sure I'm remembered as the trouble-maker in school..the weird coolest girl..
4.Skip school on purpose. ( the only time I played hookey was language competions & sickdays)
5. Work a little harder on my studies.
6.Start finishing my homework. ( o_0)
7. Make more friends by being friendlier and less sarcastic.

The Blogging on the wall

Recently I've doing nothing much on the world wide web...except visting some excellent sites such as my good friend's blog & the hilarious Mr. Kenny Sia's blog. I've been doing some comparing between their blogs & my blog. Obviously, theirs would beat me hands down. And don't even start on thinking that I could beat Mr. Kenny's blog. His won the best blog of 2005..

Kenny Sia's was voted blog of the year at the recent Project Petaling street (PPS) aniversary gathering. His blog is a hilarious at life ( and sometimes the lives of others in the blogging community) of the kuching Native. Wacky. Funny. Crude.

Jia Hui's didn't win anything yet..he could win something if he joined the list of blogs in PPS.Honestly his blog is very..like him. Smart. Crude. Witty humor. Bizzare. Eccentric (sometimes). Pompous hahaha..He posts about his view on the recent events and things that ought to be looked into. And a bit on himself.

Mine? Is basicly a inview to my life. Nothing else. Why? Because I think my life is different from others, bizzare and unique as I am. And because of (my big fucking egocentric self) because I think that my life is so special, that I should start a blog on it and everyone who visits my blog would know about it. Hah. who am I kidding? Who would want to read on my life? Who would want to read on anyone's life? Usually those people are those with no blogs of their own, or they have nothing else better to do. I'm too lazy to write on a book. I view my blog as a personal diary which i can share with everyone. Shit. i'm contrasting myself again.

Bitter Sweet? SWEET !!!

My first breakup was what most people would desire for. A hassle free, heartbreak free, quick call over the phone. I did cry a bit...but it would be inhuman to not even shew a bit of emotion would it? All it did was a simple phrase of " I don't think we can be together anymore.." It was a bit shocking though. He showed no sign no hints, nothing! I actually thought he was predictable. Guess I was wrong...It all came so sudden. After 1.5 months of being together.. ( some ppl actually thought that was quite long) it just couldn't work out between us I guess. We just weren't compatible with each other. Everything was a blur, everything was happening to fast for me to digest. I only did it for the sake ofbeing in a relationship..as an act of rebellion towards my parents..The only thing I'm regretting now is that I didn't break up with him first...So much for his promise ofbeing my life partner hahaha...we'll just end up being good friends for the rest of our life? No one knows for sure. Now I'm free as a swinging single again..titter, oh the pompous laughter..

Damn the boring holidays again..

Gee..can my mom make the boring holidays worse? Yes she can! She signed me up for The Star 'Sunny yee's intensice SPM class' this December. Worse of all, she denied my request to be put into PTM again for its intensive class this December.Well apart from rebising and preparing for my SPm, the main reason why I want to join PTM is because of 2 things. One, I don't get much freedom to visit my friends. Two, I need to hang out with my friends or I'll go crazy!!! Life of a part-time socialite sucks.

Happy days are here again~

Well, about the last post...my mom wanted me to break up the relationship. It was too simple...irresistable!! All I had to do is not call him from my house anymore and him to do the same.Thank the government for public phones.After SPM, we're gonna break it to her. ( Frankly, I wanna savour the look on her face when the truth is told..)

Speaking of which, my wildest dream has come true!! Well, no..it's not a new handphone or something. I'm allowed to drop Add Maths for my SPM!!! Finally, I'll be able to sit for my exams without dread or fear. Now i can concentrate more on the Big-3, History and Maths. After all, what I'm going to do after I leave school has nothing to do with mathematics nor has it to do with science. A little bit of general knowledge is okay I guess, so I'll bear with my teacher in a while.

Is it just me, or am I really lucky these days? Nah, it's just me. My parents are thinking of moving to PJ for its convenient location and shit. Probably next year or the year after next. I don't mind moving and all..I'd like to move rather. Though I'm having doubts in me again, I really want to move..the faster the better.Why?

Pros.# Co-ed school, New friends of differant genders and races, New room, more freedom, less responsibility,
and I'll be able to give up my posts of librarian dicipline head, treasurer for Taekwando and
English language society! Plus, the schools in PJ are known for their good English. What better place to
hone my skills? i'd fit right in~

Cons.# I'll miss all my friends in Kajangville!! Especially that guy. He's moving to High School next year so he
can see me more often..and now I'm moving.Geez. I like the church here. We got the best and coolest
youths around...

Well I guess the pros sound more lucrative so yeah, I'm all for it. Besides, there are ways to get to my hometown with ease. Yup, the holidays are really getting into me. :)

Black hearts again

So they finally found out. Hahaha.
It's not his fault..More to mine.
But 3 calls in a day? Any idiot would've guessed something was going on...

He said not to call him & he would not call me anymore.
He said to stop for the moment and concentrate on our studies..
He said we'll be majors after we reach 18.
He said not to forget him, as he will never forget me.
He said he will always love me, and I will always too.

I wonder if I want to hold on, if I have to wait that long.

My source of joy, attention, comfort, care,warmth, protection & love is gone.
I don't find any of those at home, why did you think I was so eager to look elsewhere?
Depression was slowly pulling me closer and closer into insanity...

My mom would beg to differ, she will say 'I Love you more than anything".
I know she does, deep down inside.But can't she step down her pedestal for once and show her daughter a show of affection? Can't she humble herself, forget her pride, and help the daughter who missed feeling loved? I know she has others in the family she has to care for, but surely not to the extend of completely forgetting her duty as parent to this still fragile and broken child?

Why let others suffer just because you had the same fate in your time? Is it because you felt it wasn't fair that you had to go through the pain yourself and not others? I am your daughter. Not another person in your life as you have always treated me. Why take away my only source of joy & love if you cannot take the step to show it to me?

If you want to change, please don't. I will only find it unorthodox and strange that this woman I knew for years has decided to change after so long being ignorant of the other person's need.